Anita – I do not have an expensive home just a home that appreciated in value. I hope its not asking too much of you but would you care to elaborate?

Because I feel like being practical is most important like you said come to terms with reality and reality in this day and age is exactly what I described for you. I am not saying 100% of men go for women half their age but majority of them do that.

Anita thanks for the response. Here are my thoughts –

Consider ending your marriage, as it is a living arrangement, nothing more, is it? I have thought about it and reasoned with myself  100’s of times. For one I live in CA in the bay area living cost is very expensive. I have cut coupons and saved to buy a home and we were lucky to buy this home at the right time and right price. Divorce would mean we would have to sell the home or i would have to leave I cannot afford to keep and pay mortgage. My husband did not save much during his bachelor days coz he had family responsibilities.  Which was kept hidden from me up until I got after i got married and came here to the States. It hurt me so much to know my parents kept this from me I grew up in a home where 90% of my fathers anger steamed from his brothers betraying him on property matters ,  knowing pretty well how much he struggled to make it as his own how did he hand me over to a guy who had so much family responsibilities of his own? In any case all things said and done I took a brave step and started saving and until my Green Card got processed I could not work that took about 4 yrs. So I worked and saved and disciplined him into saving so we could buy our home. I am not ready to give it up and I do not think its fair to ask my husband to pay or give it up. My son loves our home and says he wont ever move from here. Irrespective of everything my parents have told me every marriage has problem and there is no such thing as love that will last and so divorce is far fetched.

Attend quality psychotherapy is such is possible for you. – I have been to a therapist before and all they do is validate you, I keep talking and all she/he does is nods and validates.

Consider future dating, when single, no longer married. Consider dating that will not interfere with you being an effective mother to your son. In such dating, get to know men, as friends first. Get to know their nature so to choose to get involved only with a man capable of loving you well, a man who is honest with you, trustworthy, reliable.

It is possible for you to love and be loved in return, if you are able to learn who a man is, and choose one capable and willing to love you in return. – I am 40 YRS  old and I have a son. Mike is 52 and is dating a woman who is half his age (she looked very young in the pic). So woman in their late 20’s and early 30 are dating men in their 50’s so what do you think are the chances of me finding a man who will date me? I do not have a banging body I am avg looking and I see my single friends in their mid 20’s who are  gorgeous and cant find a man to date. A friend my mine who got divorced about 15 yrs ago decided it is time she settled down and wanted an American man (she has specification tall , blue eyes, and earns well). So she comes to USA every  few months and gets on Bumble and goes on dates like at least 20 men and this gal has confidence, looks and a charming personality and she still has not struck a guy. So tell me where on earth do I have a shot of love?

So I did not have a great childhood either then how is that fair?

I am strong believer in karma and I believe I am in pain right now because of the choices I made. So I ask my self if Karma served me why did it not serve Mike? Why did he get to move on and be happy with woman ?

Funny part is he wished me on my birthday last November and he updates his profile pic in Jan, what does this mean? Has been seeing her all along? Why text me when he is with someone else?

I know there is no point analyzing anything he made a choice and it came at a price “my happiness”.

Anita thanks so much for taking time to respond you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

I have reached a point where I want to start making changes in order to move on and I do not know how and which direction I should head? I want be able to put an end to this pain inside of me I cant forgive myself for cheating at the same time I know I do not regret loving Mike those feelings are real and nothing like I have experienced. But I do not know how to let go of him I want to start somewhere.

I am going to try telling my husband to try a different method to help our son be better at Golf I hope he listens.

 hope there is a way or ways for you to help your son who reached out to you for help. Telling him that that “the most important thing is to be happy” won’t do much good for him when being happy to him means pleasing his father who makes such pleasing very difficult or impossible.

Anita I have tried to reason with my son by asking him on weather or not he likes the sport that his father choose for him he says he does but he just does not like to being trained by his dad. My husband is consumed with our son being a golfer and my idea is different I believe a child needs to experiment in different fields and then decide what they can purse and excel in. I just do not want to speak ill or advice wrong to my son. I was never allowed to experiment or do what I want and I so badly want it for my kid. I want him to live and love his life.

Mike was your soulmate. I wonder: how so? How was he your soulmate?

It was a feeling from within me. I could relate to him and he could tell me anything , I never judged him. I was there for him no matter what I was always there rooted like a tree. I loved him and still do with every fiber in my body and it is not enough this has put such a dent in my life.