January 24, 2018 at 11:20 am #188693
Hey everyone! I’m new to the block but I really need some insight on a current situation.
So I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for over a year. At one point he lost his job (which he didn’t reveal to me until 2 moths later). When asked about it he said he didn’t want me to think he was a bum. I recall giving him money on two occasions to help him pay his bills. In the meantime he worked two part time jobs while job searching. He basically went 6 months before he found a job in his field. He ended up staying with a friend for 6 months when his lease was up to help him save money while he was trying to get back on his feet. I ended up helping him get his new apartment because his credit was not good and the money he saved he used for a trip for a friend who got married. It pissed me off but I helped any way.
He was at the new job for approximately 7 month when he was fired. When asked why he continued to talk about how his manager didn’t like him and how he was doing things without consulting her. When I thought about it, I realized he had been let go of the job before the new one because he couldn’t get along with the manager. I later found out before he met me he was let go from a job because he got into it with another employee.
So at this point, I don’t feel sorry for him and I’ve began to pull away. For someone who struggled to find a new job I don’t understand why he would get himself fired. I work extremely hard, I save my money, I have excellent credit, I invest and I’m currently looking to buy a home. This is really becoming a burden to me because he wants me to support him and be there for him but I really don’t have time for his inability to do what he needs to do to stay employed. On top of that, he has children (I don’t). He’s been upset with me recently because he feels that if I’m going to be there for him then I need to get out of my own way and do so. His attitude lately is making it tougher for me to deal with him. It’s almost to the point I don’t want to respond to his text messages. I have done things such as making sure he has groceries and taking him out to get his mind off of things but it doesn’t seem like it’s good enough. He’s taking his frustrations out on me, the one person he has. I’m sure soon enough he’s going to ask for me to help with bills/rent and I’m on a tight budget while trying to find my first home.
The entire situation has been hard to process. Last year, I stuck by his side and made sure he was ok. To see him get himself in the same situation has me thinking that he’s irresponsible. He said he doesn’t know why his life is this way. In my mind, he’s not taking responsibility for his role in losing his job, AGAIN. I’m over the age of 30 and so is he. He’s actually older than me. I just think at this point in his life he should have so sort of stability. Being that I am stable and I eventually want a family of my own, how can I ever see that happening?January 24, 2018 at 11:29 am #188717BuddiParticipant
Ash – I am not going to beat around the bush …you should have left yesterday. I think its nice you stuck around and hoped he would get responsible you gave him a chance.
You can end it with grace and move on.January 24, 2018 at 11:49 am #188731MarkParticipant
I don’t know what kind of insight you are looking for.
Look at yourself on what you are doing and why.
You wrote he is irresponsible and not working on being self sufficient.
Why are you continuing to enable him down this path? Why do you want to stay in his life?
I would invite you to read what you wrote here as if a friend wrote this post and what would you tell her?January 24, 2018 at 12:24 pm #188739
Thanks for the responses!
I think I’ve done my fair share and it’s best that I move on. I have too much going for myself to allow myself to get stuck in a situation like this especially when it’s repeated itself. He’s shown me that being responsible is not a priority of his and I can’t make him see it.
Mark, I read over what I wrote and if it was my friend I would tell her to let it go and move on.
Thank you!January 24, 2018 at 12:26 pm #188743
Sometimes it’s hard to face what you already know.January 24, 2018 at 12:34 pm #188745MarkParticipant
I wish you well on your “new” life.
MarkJanuary 25, 2018 at 3:46 am #188839AnonymousGuest
I want to add a voice encouraging you to end this relationship, simply because the motivations you expressed are wise financial investment and use of money as well as buying a home and having a family in the future.
You did not express a motivation to finance a boyfriend.
anitaJanuary 27, 2018 at 8:36 pm #189355
I will say it’s been tough. I had to hear a lot of what I didn’t do. I know what I did and my intentions were pure. I knew deep in my heart it was best to end it. He clearly didn’t see any of his wrongdoings. He got upset because I explained to him that he didn’t have to get himself fired.
He has has a lot of growing up to do. Pushing the age of 34 with 2 children and no stability doesn’t sound promising. I will continue to take care of myself and keep striving for greatness.
Thanks for all responses!January 28, 2018 at 5:17 am #189387AnonymousGuest
You are welcome. I hope you continue to do what is right for you regardless of anyone’s disapproval.
I do hope he gets his life together for his sake, and most importantly for the sake of his two children. I hope he does get better, but not in context of a relationship with you.
anitaJanuary 28, 2018 at 10:23 am #189479ElianaParticipant
I always think everyone deserves a second chance, but in this case, I do not think you will find the stability you are looking for with him.April 27, 2018 at 8:56 pm #204617
Just an update….I closed on my home and will be moving in soon. I’m so excited to have purchased my first home. I ended the relationship and it was the best thing I couldve ever done. I feel so much better now. I knew that relationship wasn’t for me and I was a little nervous to end it. I’m so happy I did. I did not want to bring that negativity into my new space. I’m enjoying life.
I’m also considering persuing my Doctorate. Life is great!!!April 28, 2018 at 6:49 am #204637AnonymousGuest
Welcome back to your thread three months after the last post. I appreciate your update. What a lovely update, glad you made the right choices for you and that life is great now.
Best wishes to you, post anytime you’d like, it will be good to read from you.
anitaApril 28, 2018 at 8:22 am #204639ElianaParticipant
This is great news! So good to hear from you again. x