Merry Christmas Anita! 🎄🎁

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏

Hi John

I hope that you feel that we can have an open and honest discussion?

Haha I actually love that poem. It was in one of my favourite movies. 😊

Do you wonder about the practical aspects, or the um how do I phrase this… what comes afterwards? Or both or something else?

I’m glad that you love life and are healthy. According to a 96 year old I met, you may have a while ahead of you. He said that the secret to a good long life is to do whatever makes you happy.

Do you have any thoughts to share about how to have a good long life? I always ask this question and have had many different answers.

The question I was wondering about is this. Mind it is sensitive and personal. So please don’t feel the need to answer it. And I’m sorry if it does make you feel uncomfortable.

I was wondering how you cope with loved ones passing? I know that this aspect of life can be difficult for many people.

Yes, I understand what you mean. That is how these things work in therapy. When it is kept inside, it’s often either repressed or suppressed. Expressing (in detail) puts you in touch with the experience and allows it to be processed.

Bless your soul! That experience with the pig would shock me.

Ours was a dairy farm. Cows are not that smart. They get itchy and if there is barbed wire they will scratch themselves on it… to put it politely. A surprising thing about cows is that they can jump really high for how big they are. They would often leap over the fence into our garden.

I’ve taken care of animals for my whole life. But unfortunately, I had to kill an injured bird once. I learned trying to save birds in the past that there is very little you can do with them. Quite often they die of shock. Even vets struggle with birds. So it was better to put it out of its misery quickly. I did feel awful about it.

There is an accompanying book that makes the process of reading it much easier. 😂 The Tibetan book of living and dying.

Would you care to elaborate on your adult life being a preparation for dying?

I think that it is fair to not be concerned with these things yourself since you have always been healthy.

Haha opening this can of worms may cause us to delve into the meaning of words. Personally, I equate compassion to caring. From my perspective, you seem to care deeply about the pain of others. To you perhaps this is openness? You have expressed before that you don’t necessarily understand suffering that others go through. I don’t believe that understanding is necessary for compassion. It can be helpful to build compassion for people who lack it. But I suspect that you don’t lack compassion. I could be wrong though! Belief is enough for compassion and listening. At least that is what I believe. 😂

In the past, I didn’t understand the suffering that others go through and lacked compassion until I went through it myself. Nowadays, I have learned not to judge because I don’t understand something. Just to take their word at face value and hearing someone express pain is enough to tell me that it exists.

I did say similar. Not the same. She immersed herself in feeling, imagining the pain of others. Her training for her work has a lot to do with it. You have taken a different path, but I would still say that you are compassionate, but it is true. Very few people are as deeply compassionate as she is.

Ah, well the other way to develop compassion outside of suffering is to learn it from others. Human nature is quite social, so with a good upbringing it is quite easy to become compassionate. My son is one and he already tries to share his toys and food. I didn’t teach him to do this. He just watches and learns and tries to copy.

I believe that suffering without human connection can cause massive issues for people which negatively affect compassion.

When I was young, I wasn’t compassionate, I actively suppressed my emotions. My home was violent and so I was violent at school towards bullies. And it got harder to tell right from wrong. What is the difference between a teasing joke from a friend and bullying? When I realised that I was starting to hurt my friends I stopped fighting because I didn’t want to become like my mother. I was 12. I had to teach myself very rudimentary things like if I don’t like being treat that way, other people might not like it either. Part of the reason why the world is so messed up is because self-control is difficult. It’s easy to follow wherever impulse takes you. Violence is a release that makes you feel powerful and in control when quite the opposite is true. Holding back, denying impulse takes effort and strength.

Being helped, being around kind people. Encourages us to do the same. All in all, I think that who people choose to spend time with is very important because it shapes our personalities.

I’m glad to hear that our conversation has helped you fit all of the pieces together. I’m happy to talk about anything you would like! I think it’s wonderful that you are sharing some of the insights you’ve collected over the years and deeply appreciate it.

I wish you and your family Happy holidays! I’m not sure if you celebrate?

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Hi Peter

I hope you have a Merry Christmas! 🎄 🎁

Another fascinating reading recommendation. I am starting to get a little collection. I think I will have to prioritise it since it is your favourite book.

I’m trying to decide if I have a favourite book at the moment. But I don’t think I do right now.

I am enjoying the book that I’m reading right now though. Letting go by David Hawkins. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

I wrote a reply to you on a previous page. You might not have noticed. I often find that I lose my way on this thread because it is very active. 😊

Love, peace and forgiveness! ❤️🙏

Hi John

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences!

A couple of my friends have a fear of death.

For one, they don’t want to leave their family and that is the source. Their love is so strong that they fight death.

For another, the fear is a result of trauma. Being raised very religious and terrorized with stories about going to hell at a young age. Feeling like they were doomed because of being lgbtq.

For another, they had no contact with their family and lost their best friend suddenly at a young age and were traumatized by that experience.

I know what you mean. There are questions that I haven’t asked you because I know that death is a sensitive topic and I don’t want to cause you undue stress. I am very open to questions, so please feel free if you have any.

I’m glad that you have found a place where you can have open honest discussions. I feel like that is a beautiful thing. 😊

Thank you for the suggestion. I have written that type of letter. But I haven’t shared it with my loved ones. I don’t tend to talk about my past experiences of trauma with anyone. I’m used to supporting people and often people are unable to support me. Even with current issues, I don’t tend to talk about them. This is why I share here. I have difficulties being vulnerable and trusting people.

It is fascinating to learn about the different perspectives on suffering. I feel like people often perceive suffering as a weakness. In media, I believe it as a form of entertainment, designed to provoke emotion because without that people would be bored and it would not be as popular. It bothers me that a lot of unhealthy behaviours are displayed in media because people often repeat what they see on television and confuse that with reality.

I’m curious about the book you recommended. It sounds really interesting. I will definitely give it a read. I am busy with studying for my exams at the moment, so I don’t have a lot of free time right now. But next week I will have some free time.

I am aware of death. I have been aware of it from a young age because I grew up on a farm. I never really saw it as a bad thing partially because of that. I have been aware of my own risk of dying since childhood. I feel like I’m sitting on the proverbial fence about the issue. I don’t see much point in reflecting on it unless something that seems to threaten my life comes up. Beyond planning what I would like to do with my life that is. I learned that the only thing that is truly important to me are my loved ones. Other experiences are good to have, but ultimately don’t hold the same meaning or value.

I did really enjoy the Tibetan book of the dead. Very fascinating stuff. What do you think about the perspective of preparing for death? To die in a good calm way? I would like to volunteer in a hospice at some point. I am waiting to see how I respond to some of my older friends passing. I have seen people be alone in old age. I don’t believe that is something anyone deserves.

Very interesting insight on wisdom, compassion and awakening!

I think that there is more than one way to develop compassion. Suffering can be one way, but I believe that it requires human connection to temper the experience.

One of the wisest and most compassionate people I have met had not experienced a lot of suffering personally. She was very lucky to have had a good life. She was aware of what a rare gift that is and dedicated her life to help people overcome their suffering.

It strikes me that you might be similar. But then again, it seems like you have been through some suffering. But I would suggest that your perspective and training helped you to suffer less from the experience than others might. What do you think?

Oh don’t worry. I know that wasn’t your intent. But I still found your words helpful. I was just thanking you for that. 😊

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Hi Peter

I love that you are around more often now! It is so good to see you.

Thank you for sharing the reading recommendation. It sounds like an interesting book.

That is an interesting insight that forgiveness can be used to change patterns. Could you go into a bit more detail about that?

Haha I didn’t make the connection between blank canvas and beginner mind until you pointed it out. I’m way too literal. 😂 It does make sense.

But I also think that an adult beginners mind is not the same thing as a child’s beginners mind. Quite often I see children being referred to as the ideal state, not adulthood.

As a child it is very easy to be happy. A nice breakfast and my son is happy and clapping. A new puppy despite being in a new home with strangers is wagging her tail happily and soaking up the attention. The same breakfast as an adult doesn’t make me happy. We lose something special and become jaded. Lost in our minds, memories and patterns.

It is good to have no preconceptions and be open to teaching, because it is difficult for teachers to correct a bunch of misconceptions.

Love, peace and forgiveness! ❤️🙏