@Inky

yeah maybe closure isn’t the right word. Guess I kinda feel like he wouldn’t follow up but that begs the question what kind of friendship it is then? He’s also just got let go from his job this week so trying to support him as much as I can but obviously I have own feelings and this has been building up for a month now, Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Doesn’t say much about me as a friend if I just leave him to own devices when he’s just lost his job does it? :/

Wonderful, thanks for the input. My therapist agreed with me I have two choices, try to resolve something or walk away. So i am prepared to walk away from this if the outcome isn’t favourable as i need to do what’s best for me

Is there anything else I should say/mention in this message? I don’t want to say too much as want to leave it for when we meet which is still happening on Monday or Tuesday but I do start off in the right direction and address the important points more than anything 🙂

Thanks everyone

This is what he had to said to me before phone call:

I’m working a lot this week and am tight for money, so that’s a part of staying in Edinburgh as well as spending time with my fella obv.

That’s it just there. I don’t want you to feel like you’re in the position where you are nipping my head/stepping on my toes. Like when youre feeling anxious/nervous and I don’t reply which makes you worry more. That is putting a bit of undue pressure on me. Like when I’m in a total downer/wanting some chill and I don’t reply to you even though you ideally need a mate who replies when you want to talk and have some ongoing chat with. I just don’t feel I can be there for you all the time or offer the support that you’re needing from a friendship right now. And I hate the feeling of letting you down, I don’t feel it’s fair for either of us. Mostly, I don’t feel it’s fair for you. I almost feel like I’m stringing you along saying we’ll meet up, giving you hope and not being able to meet up because I’ve got other things going on. You need a proper mate that can be there for you, to hang out with and meet up with. It’s not right that you sometimes feel like you’re stepping on my toes, because a true proper friendship shouldn’t be like that. And for that I am sorry man, I am. There never seems to be good timing to deliver bad news to you, because there are always a lot of issues outwith your control on your plate affecting your life and I’m not helping. I mean, I don’t want to make you scared when I type a long big message. I don’t want to make you feel like you have a gut wrenching feeling in your stomach, and the fact that’s the feeling I make you have when I type a long message is horrible. That’s what I mean by this isn’t a healthy friendship. It’s certainly not healthy for you when you are scared/anxious waiting for my responses

One thing I do want to say is that I would be keen for us to meet up to chat about this over a dog walk sometime though

ill post the message i want to send after this

I need help haha. So we’re meeting up next week for what feels like a make or break chat.

So basically said to me can’t invest in a full property friendship as wants to work on his current friendship but we’re on good terms, still wants to hang out just not as often. Can still visit him in Canada when he goes. Not to expect a reply all the time. Would like to be friends but doesn’t know if it will work but wants to keep in touch & doesn’t want to lose contact, we are on good terms and I’ve not done anything wrong bit wants to meet up & chat about things.

I dont actually understand what he wants? Anyone help I’m so confused on what to do or if I should eveb follow up & meet him next week?

Yeah I’ve doing CBT Councelling now so my anxiety is a lot better & more under control now. Getting the tools to deal with stuff so it is going well.

Things are a lot better between us, he’s said as much himself yesterday. I do think actions speak louder than words in this situation, no point saying sorry if you repeat mistakes. I think a off the cuff apology would be the best thing though if it’s necessary although I wanna try & hang out with him more. Guess ultimately see how things are & what the vibe is like when we hang out.

Okay I understand. Say he doesn’t meet up or cancel, should I bring this up via text or call him say it? I really hope he doesn’t but worse case scenario and all that