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Friendship Troubles

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #324009

    Thomas
    Participant

    Hey everyone need a outside opinion on my friend to see where I’m going wrong cause he’s not talking to me after a argument despite me apologising & giving him space after it.

    So basically he’s got into his head that I’ve got feelings for him & I’m love with him and i tried to explain i meant more as a friend/person but he’s said it was pure strange & weird and feels pure awkward being friendly with me now. I asked what he wants to do and he said he doesn’t know but he won’t be rushing for a night out with me and he doesn’t need this right now amd that was the last time he spoke to me which was last Friday. I messaged him on Sunday asking how his weekend was but no reply, so I didn’t message him until today just asking how’s he been amd asking how bad my singing was as sent him a video of me drunk singing to lighten the mood but no reply.

    So I’ve apologised already & gave him space to cool off so my question is, what do i do next? I’m not going to beg for his friendship & I’m not going to keep on apologising over & over again but i do miss him & ww used to be close pals. Incase anyone asks argument happened on a drunk night out so I’m unsure of how this came about.

    Cheers,

     

     

    #324043

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Thomas:

    If this man you posted about in your previous threads, starting February this year, then I agree with him that you do indeed have romantic feelings for him (“he’s got into his head that I’ve got feelings for him”).

    You wrote: “I tried to explain I meant more as a friend/ person”- I think you were dishonest with him when explaining that to him,just like you were dishonest with him March 23, when you messaged him: “I certainly don’t think you’re stringing me along or giving me false hope for that matter either. I honestly think you’ve gotten the wrong idea about me and misunderstood me big time mate. Ultimately I think it’s important that we listen to each other, are both  open mined & honest with each other”.

    Later, April 19, you posted: “I feel like you’re stringing me along and messing with my head, one minute you want to be mates and then next you don’t”.

    From having read what he messaged you in previous threads, reads to me that he was honest and patient with you, that he understood you well,  and it is you who didn’t listen to him and wasn’t honest with him. I think that you do have strong romantic, way-beyond-friendship-feelings for him.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by  anita.
    #324047

    Thomas
    Participant

    Yeah sorry this is a completely different & unrelated person haha

    #324049

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Thomas:

    Well, reads to me that you  have romantic feelings for this man as well!

    anita

    #324051

    Valora
    Participant

     he’s said it was pure strange & weird and feels pure awkward being friendly with me now. I asked what he wants to do and he said he doesn’t know but he won’t be rushing for a night out with me and he doesn’t need this right now.

    I think you should just take what he’s said here to heart and leave him alone completely until he contacts you. If he never contacts you, consider it a friendship that has ran its course.  I read above that this is a different guy  from last time, so it just seems like you get really attached to people, so that might be something for you to work on about yourself: allowing people to come and go from your life without getting too upset when the friendship has run its course and they move on.  I’ve had many friendships that come and go and come back again later and then go again and come back and some that stay gone, and that’s just sort of what happens with adult friendships and even romantic relationships.  You have to learn to be okay with going with the flow of relationships because when you try to hold on, it pushes people away and decreases the chance that they’ll ever come back again, and some people really are just meant to be temporary friends.

    #324143

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Thomas,

    I agree, the WORST thing you can do is keep messaging him, sending videos, texting, ANY contact.

    People really can pick up on vibes. He felt strong ones coming from you and it made his skin crawl. Even if you deny it. Even if YOU felt nothing, that’s not the point. HE’S the one creeped out.

    We adults hate being “hunted”, “hounded”, oppressed through texts/calls/etc.

    And get this: Silence IS an answer.

    Your BEST hope is to treat him like a stranger, someone you’ve never met. Have so much time pass that HE wonders if HE’S the one who’s “crazy” and overreacted. Then if HE approaches you, be formal, nice and polite. “How are you?” “Good!” “What’s gong on?” “Not much, how are you? Lot of rain lately.”

    Good Luck!

    Inky

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