Thanks Lightsource. You have made my day (more likely week and many months) with your response :).

Now let the good things roll and pls never doubt yourself ever again. You are awesome 🙂

I had a lovely breakfast (sourdough toast topped with roasted pumpkin, Danish feta, crushed avocado, poached egg and quinoa seeds – and it was delicious) with myself followed by a whole body massage this morning. Life is so gooooood when you look after yourself. Now back to work, lol.

Jasmine

Hi Elliedodge – you are just amazing ! So much positivity and love in your words :). I will be looking forward to more of your contributions as I think you have a lot to give and teach. Thank you sooooooo much.

Hi Zita

I would like to encourage you to write the letter that Elliedodge talks about in her post. You seem like a highly intellectual being – this trait can work for us but it can also work against us. I think the trick now will be to go past your intelligent brain and think from your heart. Writing a letter should help you (pls do not type as it is not the same thing). Even outliers of any research can teach us a lot. What we need is an open mind.

Elliedodge talks about that abusers are unlikely to ask for forgiveness or need to be told about self compassion (as they only think about themselves). I used to think in a similar fashion in the past too. But hey, as our consciousness grows, we get to understand that there are only different perspectives in this world. Everyone is correct in their own right as they do what they feel is right. You did what you thought was correct by being part of such a relationship although your family didn’t think so. Your ex did what he did as he thought that was the right thing to do. You are holding on to pain as you feel somewhere in your being that it is the right thing to do ( although you want to let go but you are not able to as some part of yours think it is correct to continue that behaviour). See what I mean ? As our consciousness increases, many such questions become clear and easy.

I know what the ruminant @theruminant is talking about. Forgiveness is not outside. Forgiveness is a within phenomenon. You are NOT really angry with your ex as you saw the red flags in the relationship from the beginning. You are angry with yourself for allowing him to have such a bad impact on your being. So who needs the forgiveness? Not him but YOU. If your ex realises in the future what he has done, he may feel guilty and get upset. Who will need the forgiveness then ? HIM – he will need to forgive himself as he will be feeling the pain then. But hey, this might be a little too much too early for you so don’t stress at present.

I have gone through some material, which is specific to your needs and I attach the links below.

1. It is a short dialogue between a spiritual teacher who hails from India and a TV presenter on forgiveness (particularly for your situation). If she resonates with you, you can check out her other series and learn a lot. I was introduced to her videos from a colleague at work few years back and I have not looked back since. I have never met the lady though but would love to some day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua7mTQz_g30

2. Heart chakra meditation – all you have do is close your eyes and let the sounds do its work. It is short and awesome. Helps much more if you can do it everyday until you feel that your mind is not racing like a wild horse.

3. Short and calming description of meditation from Eckhart Tolles free TV. The energy is high and should calm you.

http://www.eckharttolletv.com/free/#/565794385/KIM%20ENG%20SAMPLE%20-%20Balancing%20Being%20and%20Doing

4. Short description on forgiveness from Eckhart Tolle and Michael Brown. Short enough to read but profound enough to think about for days.

http://www.namastepublishing.com/blog/compassionate-eye/if-you-cant-forgive-someone-what-you-need-know

Happy to take your questions if you have any. I know very well that you will be fine soonish and how do I know that – my higher self tells me that and my higher self has never been wrong so far 😉

Blessings and loads of smiles,

Jasmine

Hey Lightsource

First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with YOU. You did what you did as you felt insecure and you needed love and stability. Hey, we all do such things in our lives. The most important thing now is that you learn from this experience and start putting in strategies so that you never have to doubt yourself again in the future.

Pls do not go back to this guy even if you think you love him. Things are meant to be easy and life is meant to flow. If it didn’t work out twice, it is not going to work out anymore as your subconscious mind will not allow you to find peace with this guy (you will somehow become insecure about him again even if you work on self). Ancient wisdom tells us that Human law or Universe may forgive a person once but the persons own subconscious mind never lets you get over an emotional trauma and the only way to make peace is to forget, forgive and move on from that incident. In this case it is your ex.

People do what they do as it feels right to them. Everyone is unique and different. While we all long for love and acceptance deep down, we express it in different ways depending on our environmental, social, genetic and spiritual conditioning. No one is ever wrong in a true sense. It is only a matter of personal perspective.

What can you do to make yourself feel proud of yourself:
– forget about your age; age means nothing anymore when it comes to finding your love or having kids in this world. Please do not become a victim of societal pressures. You can get married at the age of 70 as well. What matters is that you are kind to yourself and have a beautiful heart.
– work on self to improve your self-esteem. If you do not love yourself and respect yourself the most, everyone else will just come and walk all over you in some form or other. You will never achieve stability in your head even after having a family or kids. It is our mind, which is amazingly powerful and keeps us stuck in the rut if we do not take control of it.
– accept yourself the way you are and it will become effortless to accept everyone else as they are. Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.
– accept that there is ONLY ONE of YOU in this world. There can never be another one of you ever, which means you are very special and valued member of this Universe. You have a purpose for being here. Pls look after yourself and smile heaps. Listen to soul soothing music, dance to your hearts content, cook for yourself, go out for a coffee date with yourself, go for a swim and catch the waves, exercise etc.
– write down all the lessons that you can learn from the last few years and this relationship and see which ones bring the most happiness into your life if you could incorporate those lessons. Every incident, relationship (good or bad), every person is here to teach us something or learn something from us. What did this guy teach you ? What can you take into the future ? What needs to be left behind forever ?
– continue your meditation and mindfulness practice pls
– pls pls pls pls pls let go and forgive this ex of yours. Let him go. When you do that, you will free yourself in a huge way and it will be a liberating experience. Grieve if need be but move forward sooner rather than later
– always remember, you are loved by YOU no matter what happens in this world. YOU will always be there for yourself. So why the self- doubt or any fear ?

Blessings and loads of positive energy coming your way,

Jasmine

Thanks everyone.

Hi Rose Lynn

Thanks for asking some wonderful questions. As I was sipping my yumm and aromatic Kopi O, a “light bulb” moment occurred and I knew exactly how to approach your questions. Pls note that I am still a work in progress and may not have the “answers” that will satisfy your logic mind to the dot but I will try my best. And no, I am not in Singapore but would love to be there right this moment ;).

Everyone has opinions but those opinions that do not do us well are the ones that we should try and ditch. So how do you know if an opinion or a personal belief is serving you well or not ? Well, you experience it for yourself. If an opinion brings fear, guilt, unhappiness, discontentment, discrimination, resentment, non-acceptance etc into your life, it is not a useful belief to hang on to. However, if an opinion brings happiness, bliss, acceptance, peace and forgiveness into yours or someone else’s life, it is not a negative belief. I will let you figure out as to which of your opinions or beliefs about anything and everything are positive or negative.

When people form opinions about things or other people without going through a certain experience or being in that persons shoes, it creates a lot of confusion and disharmony. For example, you ask how do you know when someone is content or in denial ? I can answer that perfectly as I have experienced both. A feeling of content makes you vibrate at high frequencies of positivity – life is good, peaceful, happy and the emotion you feel is love. When you are in denial, everything feels confusing, fearful, resentful, envious or doubtful and the emotion you feel is fear. When we feel the emotion of fear, we are vibrating mostly at low frequencies of negativity. See the difference ? In general Universal energy terms, like energy attracts like. Positivity attracts more positivity and negativity attracts more of the same. You may not be familiar with this at this point but I can go deeper into this later if you wish.

You may ask so what determines our vibrating frequency ? Our thoughts. What affects our thoughts – everything !!

When we are critical (you can call it other things as I do not have any issues with terminology) of ourselves, other people or things around us on a consistent basis for whatever reasons, we are thinking negative thoughts, which gives rise to negative energy. You send this energy out into the Universe and what do you get in return – more of the same. Think about this for a little while and see if it resonates with you ? When we send out positive energy in the form of gratitude, selfless service, helping hand, random act of kindness, smiles, happy gestures at home or work, we get more of the same in one form or another. If you do not believe me, try it out for yourself. There is nothing better than experiencing it first hand.

Now coming back to your same sex relationship. If you have accepted yourself and your partner fully for who you both are and believe in, why do opinions of others matter so much to you ? There appears to be a conflict here and it is not an external conflict but an internal one. I wont be able to assist here but I will share my insight. When we are not able to accept ourselves for who we are, we often look for reasons that can shift the blame to the outside world. Why do we look to point fingers at environment outside of us ? Because it is the easiest thing to do and it makes us feel special and valued in our own eyes. To work on self is a lot of hard work and you need to constantly fight your logic or egoistic mind, which is not pleasant. This is where inner self journey comes into play.

Some bizarre questions to get you thinking outside of the square: does the Sun refuse to provide sunlight into your home because you are a homosexual couple ? Does the air you breathe in ask you if you are a female before it lets you inhale it ? Do the vegetables or meat that you buy question your competence before you can take them home ? What about the money exchanges that occur on a daily basis – do the bills or coins question if you are a foreigner or a local before it will go in to your wallet ? If you needed blood for whatever reasons, do you question if that blood is coming from a christian, buddhist, Muslim, homo sexual etc. I can ask many such questions and the list is endless.

What it is all getting to is that nature or things do not discriminate. We humans do. Like yourself, every other human has the capacity to discriminate, form unhelpful judgments or opinions. So can we do our bit to stop it ? Yes, of course. We all have a choice that we can use to better our and everyone else’s lives around us and bring more happiness into it !! How :
– by choosing positive thoughts over negative;
– by having a high self-esteem, which comes from working on self rather than others;
– by having respect for other individuals regardless of what their attitudes or issues are – everyone is doing the best they can in their given circumstances. We cannot be them and they cannot be us just for one simple reason being that we are as unique as it gets; and
– by being grateful for everything that you have and do not have 🙂

Time to go and eat some laksa now. Have an awesome weekend and hope Joshua and Inkrid can provide their valuable insights.

Jasmine

Thanks Joshua and am so glad that you have helped heaps of people live a more full life 🙂

Hey hey Mark, welcome back. You were MIA for quite sometime and I was missing your contributions. So glad you are back 🙂

Hi RF

It is a very high level and deep question that you have asked and I would like to share my perspective.

I would like to use the example of a Mount Everest to illustrate this. There are broadly 2 types of people in this world – one who are at the bottom of the Everest looking for ways to climb the mountain or work around it and then there is another group, who have achieved more or less everything they need to bring acceptance, comfort and happiness in their current lives. I think you belong to the latter group and you may be wondering, what’s next ? Is there a next step beyond the Everest ? Is there an actual need to do more than climb the Everest (assuming it is the tallest mountain you can get to) ?

Goal setting and achieving them is a very important phenomenon for people who are in the first category as they don’t know what it is like to be at the top. They can only imagine the scenarios, smell, temperature but if they have not made it to the top, they won’t be able to appreciate the vibes of being there. Goals do not mean as much to the second group of people as life is great as is and there is contentment. There is difficulty finding the motivation to do more. What value do we put on Contentment ? Some people never get to experience this and most of us will spend our entire lives trying to even get a sniff of it.

You are in a very blessed state and space. This is the time when a person can seriously begin their spiritual journey and do a a lot for the world and it’s people. I sense that you are itching to do something but not sure what. Could it be that you want to contribute to this world in some way ? Do you want to share your joy with others ? Do you want to share your acceptance and learnings with others ?

Your fears about being alone in your old age are not without a valid reason. If you think about it, We are all in the same boat regardless of having a partner or kid or not. You will be surprised at how many old people spend their time alone in hostels or nursing homes despite having families. They crave love and attention and many die without their families by their bedside. However, you are unique – you are happy in your own skin. You are happy as you are. You have a grateful outlook. You are happy sitting on your couch and just be. How awesome is that ? Cheers for that 🙂

I think what you need to find out is – what do you want ? Like Mark said, what makes your heart sing ? Just keep doing that and you will have contentment in life. Mother Teresa spent her entire life looking after orphaned kids. She didn’t need to do anything else as that kept her going until the day she left this body. Gandhi spent most of his life teaching people about non-violence. He died preaching same.

We don’t have to achieve it ALL in this life. What we do need is peace, contentment and unconditional love in our hearts and soul. Do you have that ? If not, maybe it is the right time to go looking for it 🙂

May you begin your spiritual journey and find out what is it that YOU want and not what this society feels that you should achieve! The want has to fulfil a purpose – a deep purpose, which resonates with your being, which makes your heart sing and dance, which makes you flow with life. That purpose can’t be a materialistic purpose as anyone can achieve that but I think your inner being is craving for much more. Finding that purpose could be your ultimate purpose and my experience tells me that it is often to do with personally contributing to society in any way from your higher self.

Sending you loads of positive energy,

Jasmine

Hi Rose Lynn

I am glad that you are able to ask for help. I will provide my perspective here and it may not resonate with you today. In a few months or years, it will definitely make sense so pls bear with me. Do not take it personally as I do not mean any harm 🙂

Grass is NOT greener on the other side. You can try swapping your life with someone else’s and I can assure you that you will convert that grass into a sad one too. The problem is not outside or in other people. You need to look within to find some serious answers as to why you are feeling the way you are for some time.

You appear to be a judgmental and critical personality from your posts (I have read your other posts as well). There is nothing wrong with being that way but you wont be able to find the key of your happiness with that personality trait. What we often despise in other people is actually what is inside us that we do not like. Unfortunately, no one tells us this or teaches us this at Uni. Only with time and experiences do we get to appreciate this lesson.

You have given yourself a lot of self-limiting labels and you also appear to have some negative beliefs too. They are the ones, which are keeping you stuck in the rut. It is not anyone else from outside.

Until you are ready to accept that it is an inner journey that you need to undertake rather than an outer journey, no one will be able to assist you to create more bliss and contentment in your life.

Think about it.

Blessings,

Jasmine

Thanks Cameron for putting a smile on my face and I had to show your comment to my husband as well, LOL. I never let go of any chance to make him realise how lucky he has got in the dept of love he he he he but the fact remains, he is an awesome guy. He brings the calm and bliss into my world 🙂

Let the tears flow during meditation as it is quite natural to do that in the early phase like I mentioned in my earlier post. Your healing has already begun as I can sense that through your posts 🙂 you are on the right path. Pls always remember to be kind to yourself in whatever happens.

Serious stuff aside now. Make sure your are keeping up with hydration otherwise, we might need to send some rehydration solutions lol. Tears contain a lot of essential minerals and water 🙂 Today, being an Anzac holiday here, there might be a delay in postage from my end so you better start smiling now.

Blessings,

J

Hey Al. Thanks for putting a huge smile on my face :))))))))))). This is the beauty of being a human – we all complement each other so well and can learn so much from each others experiences.

My husband was suggesting the same yesterday re: use of match making sites for finding suitable partners when other avenues fail.

Perhaps, Lori at @tinybuddha can look into developing a matchmaking site for TB members as they are so many like minded people on this site and some could go on to find their soul mates here and become wonderful life partners 🙂 just a thought.

Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy ur summer with your loved ones. We are heading into winter and I will get to have more doona time as a result 🙂

J