The above things you said are true. His temper needs to be tamed but there is a significant change. He as well needs to understand the need for proper discussions and exchanges within a relationship; like when talking about what upset you.

The Suspicion and jealously: per the shares between me and Anita, it will be addressed and it will basically be the line in the sand. If these things are happening the way I feel, I have some big decisions I’ll need to be making.

I have read up on GasLighting (I have a minor in psychology). But I did look into this as well in regards to my own situation. I can say truthfully he does not distort my reality. I don’t change my mind or recall of things just because he may not remember it the way I do.

• You constantly second-guess yourself.
• You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
• You often feel confused and even crazy.
• You’re always apologizing to your partner.
• You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
• You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
• You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
• You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
• You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
• You have trouble making simple decisions.
• You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
• You feel hopeless and joyless.
• You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
• You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

The only one of these traits I slightly identify with is

• You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

Yet I have moderate/server depression so I can’t really say he is all to blame for that.

That makes sense.

Just keep it short, basically tell him that “I have some issues with you telling me or implying to me that you’re watching me or need to keep watch on me” and that I need him to kind of clarify some of his actions/statements.

Yes I am cringing at that thought too.

That will ultimately make the choice for me.

I mean I am sane, so I can’t knowingly know that and still stay within this relationship.

Other smaller issues is more like I changed my mind frame to, can I be ok with this ‘thing’ in order to have what he brings to my life overall. But this is really non-negotiable.

I will however let you know what he says in response to this in a few days when I find the right time to start that conversation.

Yes, The lease is over on April 13 actually. & Correct to the end part too. Setting my taxes aside just incase I need that money.

Yes I have talked to them:

“N” overall thinks we are good together. She knows how he gets sometimes cuz she was actually my roommate for a year and a half. So when me and him started dating so they were around each other a lot. She has also witnessed every relationship I have been in including in depth John because we lived together during that too.

“L” is my friend that knows the most stuff about me and my complex feelings in the kind of the way I talk to you. She thinks he overreacts to things that don’t matter. But she says she cant say much because that’s how she is. They are REALLY alike its weird. She said she thinks I care about him more than anyone else she has seen but it wouldn’t surprise her either if (in some time) we broke up. They have met a number of times. She thinks he is a good person tho. She was glad to hear things were going better.

“A” who is my internally best friend even tho our relationship is a little strained right now. Overall she wasn’t around enough to have a true opinion. But I think she doesn’t like him because she thinks me and Leo are a friggin Disney movie. But as well they have this weird unspoken tension between them. They don’t really care for each others company equally I see it in both of them she was at my house Saturday her and “J”.

“J” is my gay bff and he thinks that he’s overly sensitive but really likes him overall as a person. They really get along.

“C” she thinks he is good to me and that she thinks he could be the one but she also lives her life like “everything happens for a reason and everyone comes in your life for a reason” mantra

My brother thinks he is the best, & the best thing that has ever happened to me and quote “if I let him go I would be the dumbest person on the planet because he tries really damn hard.”

Mark,

We did get into that originally.

Kind of came to the conclusion that ..No I don’t think I am still in love with him. But maybe just idealizing the nostalgia of our relationship (as if that’s all there was) when I was conflicting with my current partner.

Okay. I re-read all 3 of your shares to bring it all together for me again. I am exhausted (I started a baking business, trying to do something for myself 🙂 ). Once again my responses are all based on providing the full picture to the best of my ability not sticking up or making excuses *if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck*…(Side note: I would like to feel like this would be easier if I was speaking in person. But then again words are words so.)

As far as devices overall he does not look at them without me knowing. He does it in front of my face. I have my phone with me 95% of the time. Him looking is something I can count on one hand in a year, total. I actually am the one who looks at his phone without him knowing…(oops) but yea as far as him he does it while I am around. He does however over exaggerate the things..

But yes, I am confident in the fact that I am not in any danger. He doesn’t touch people, but especially women. Someone would have to punch him in the face for him to hit another person. He is a real stickler for personal space and boundaries especially with women. He doesn’t really even like it when I stand close to him in arguments.

I have looked him up in detail tho. I do that with all the guys I date after I really dated someone who lied about who they actually were. The guy ‘who forgot my birthday’ lied about his real name. (You don’t even have time for how I found that out. Three words: ON THE NEWS) But back to the point; according to our city records he is a regular 28yr old male who used to get a lot of speeding tickets and has resided here his whole life. Other than that, no type of charges associated with any weird business.

Bathing suit, I never asked him about it. I honestly do not think I could have any reason for it to have ended up there. But I didn’t ask him. so still…*DUCK* (unless I ask)

Showers, I don’t think he counts my showers as much as he notices things that are out of routine for me. He is on details like things regular people just don’t think about. Like taking 2 showers. I shower once a day or every other day. He actually takes 1-3 showers  a day so I used to think that’s why he paid attention. But its not something he says everyday. Its probably happened 2 times. So I don’t know; that one may just be something I may take a little out of context. He really may just generally be inquiring. But I am a defensive person, its my first reaction to everything to defend myself.

The waking up thing; with that his rationale was (because he actually stated why), he said “Because I was sleep and had a dream about _____ and something you had told me & it just woke me up out of my sleep.” Could he have wait till the morning? Yeah..so *QUACK*

But to your big 3 list:

1. Yes the first part is what I collect from what he has said to me about it. I don’t know if that is his true intentions however because I haven’t ever discussed it with him.

The ending is truthfully an assumption of mine. I just feel like what he is asking me is just ironic because I actually would be home and he would be saying like “oh are you home yet?” But it would be 30-1hr before I would actually have gotten off but I left early. He was working then though and I go to work at a different time every day (a range of 2 1/2hrs) that happened maybe twice.

2. I would find it weird!, like why not just pull up? Still slightly a assumption on my part; because I never asked he may say he didn’t even get there till those times because he was working then too. The first time I did know he was needing to be downtown and when it would be; because he had to get to the court house before it closed and I worked downtown but he didn’t. But his mom lives downtown so he is in that area multiple times a week because he does stuff for her a lot. But I got off different times everyday then too.

3. The locks on the door. That caught my attention just because I didn’t understand why even mention it. Like he had neverrr said anything like that before. To me I almost wanted to be like “Did you hear what you just said? Like to a regular person who doesn’t care or pay attention to every detail; do you know that sounds weird!” I think he said something though because like I had told you I didn’t leave the house all day because I was baking 6 dozen cupcakes and in the midst of that I asked him to bring me like 5 things (food, beer, cupcake liners, water, something else too). So now thinking about that, this is the only one I want to say I am probably wrong because I think he just was thinking “Why were you telling me to get you stuff if you went somewhere?”

Those first 2 are important things though. Admittingly I don’t like feeling like someone feels they have to check up on me. Do you think I should bring it up? Considering as I said I don’t think I am in any danger, confidently. Maybe I should tell him how those grouping of actions make me feel, coupled with what he says. “You make me feel more watched than watched over sometimes.”

Last quote…”they say when you hear hooves think horse…not zebra.” (I.E don’t over complicate things)

So I am not trying to manifest a Zebra. I just want to say it all because I woke up quite distressed about this today. Among a few other stressors. He really has been amazing these past months. Other than a hiccup or so. Even yesterday and over the weekend he was just so attentive and kind and sweet knowing all that I had to get done. So I have to do devils advocate and give some perspective other than my take.

As I am sure you know by now that is just who I am. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I feel like holding stuff in is so draining and I really haven’t ever even expressed this aloud or through my words on a computer. I need to get it off my chest in order to process it with full detail. In my head I only toss around my perspective but being forced to type and read words about the context of what I felt I just wanted to stop having to think about it in the back of my head. Like in a state of self denial. That’s how I felt not saying it.

I will be awaiting your reply.

I am going to try to respond without feeling like I am sticking up or making excuses for anything. Just providing more clarity.

I know I distributed quite a lot of information to you all at once. It is what has stretched over the past 10 or so months of our relationship.

With that being said I find the things to be more sporadic than persistent. Like of those 7-8 things the vast majority occurred before my breakthroughs with you and probably only 1-2 are things that still catch my attention now. But mostly I ignore him…

He doesn’t check my phone everyday. Its been probably 3 times, he doesn’t hide it from me or anything. I actually look at his phone more than vice-versa.

He doesn’t make me feel like I should be alarmed. This triggered my anxiety a little because I had to question my sanity momentarily. I am never afraid of what he will do, or anything like that.

Even with the Hunt situation, I never felt afraid. Worst case scenario with him I have always felt was he would just leave and I would never see him again. Truthfully. That’s the thing that lingers in the background with him. Not “oh he might do something to me”..more like “he may leave and I never see or talk to him again”

The least thing I ever feel from his is threat…never

Also my “guilt” in his eyes. Sometimes I think he is more afraid to be wrong about who he thinks I am than anything.

btw: definitely talk me out of this crap. I’m just talking about alternate perceptions now.

Sometimes I think he is scared…scared that he loves me and is wasting his time. I understand it slightly cuz we both know I am a little fickle but like 1-10, 10 being the highest I would say he is at 5/6 of not trusting me. I can tolerate the actions of about a 3/4.

That’s only because of what I went through with John. So I understand what goes on in his head sometimes I relate and I empathize. He doesn’t directly accuse me of things though. But I almost can wrap my messed up head around the idea of kind of checking for yourself to see if the person you care about is really for you. I did it. I didn’t tell John but I did it. But it was after he gave me small reasons to start to question his trust.

I am not perfect nor have I been perfect whilst being in this relationship. There were times I was deceptive about where I was and what I was doing…before we were officially together yes. But I did. I think he felt that coupled with how we originally started dating and the  Hunt thing. Sometimes I just feel like he is “checking his investment.” for lack of a better phrase. But its my exact reasoning I have when I scan thru his phone every once in a while. I KNOW he isn’t doing anything but let me just see. Just to make sure. That’s what I say to him.

But he has never given me a reason to not trust what he does…

I think he’s just a hypocrite really and a brat. Used to getting what he wants. He was a only child at the beginning of his life till almost 10 I think. Me and his mom talked about him once, kind of like he is just really hard to please sometimes and once his mind is set…THEY are really alike. I have noticed from getting to know her and hearing her talk about other things and people in the same way he does.

Like I said I am not trying to say anything that’s has been done is ok. But since I gave that side I almost feel the need to give the side he would if he was talking too. and the part of me that loves him and sees the best in him….

But what you said really has my mind consumed.

He has been going thru my phone lately trying to find stuff to bait me into conflicts. Like I am sure he hopes he doesn’t find anything but for example the other day he had looked thru my phone. I had company at the time so I don’t really know what he was doing but the next day I was on snapchat. (hopefully you know what snap chat is) and he looked over at me and said “Oh shoot I got to make sure I look to see who is watching your snap. Use that for comparisons”

Also I saw Leo in my search history on Facebook messages and I didn’t do that. So I know he did, I guess looking to see if he had contacted me since the Sunday before last at dinner when he saw me.

He woke me up in the middle of the night asking me questions and stuff about a dude which in 80% sleep, I barely remember the questions but it ended up being about Leo. He looked thru my phone and saw I searched his page on Facebook. He got mad and asked me why I looked him up. I said just because, no reason, I am just nosey I guess. Nothing more, nothing less. He was pissed though

I bought a bathing suit over the summer because I needed a new one the others were too small right. This was prob July. I went swimming at my friends house and then a month or so later me and him went out of town and I was looking for the bathing suit while I was packing and couldn’t find it. Now I am not the most organized closet keeper so the fact that I couldn’t find wasn’t weird it was just annoying so I said screw it. We went on the trip and I told him about it and he was just as “oh crap” about it as me. But then probably 2 months later I was looking in my closet. I was looking for these pens that I knew were in this box I had from my previous job that I put my old desk things in. I Hadn’t had this job since June so no reason for me to be in there right….The bathing suit was in there.

I had a condom box on my side of the bed and one day he got mad at me and hid the condom box and then didn’t answer his phone for 1-2 hours.

I told him the day that me and him started dating and being in a relationship in the midst of a argument. He also asked when me and John broke up I told him. Its been over a year Anita so I remember never seeing him again. He goes thru my phone and get in my friends messages looking up guys names he knows I know. John comes up in a message with a friend of mine a month after I broke up with him saying “Sitting here with John, wyd” to my friend. This unfortunately for me was after the date I had just told Glen I didn’t see him again. I had to think about it like WTH I don’t remember that. After I thought about it though, me and John broke up over a phone conversation. We didn’t speak for a month and then after a month I don’t remember who hit up who but; we decided we needed to have a conversation in person about what happened. That’s why I was there. We talked about what happened. Established we were not getting back together and I did NEVER see him again. Now keep in mind I said “SITTING here with John,…not sitting on John, not laying with John.” You get my point! and my next message was “But he isn’t about to take up too much of my time so what you want to do.”

his reaction to this is to just read the first message and call me a liar. But to me it was like, a lie isn’t a lie if I didn’t know it was a lie. But furthermore WHY DOES IT MATTTTTTER! I had know him for 2 weeks the last time I saw John. I had no loyalty to him. I barely knew him. He says oh well you shouldn’t be saying dates if they not true. Fair enough…But he brings it up when it suits him…

I have a really old Ipad. 2012 generation with ALOT of old memories that happened to be broken/frozen for the past 6 or months. Well I fixed it and per this example… Me and Glen have had a interaction about a guy we are going to call Rick. Rick and me talked for a while. Rick really REALLY cared about me. He just did the wrong things and we just wasn’t meant to be. BUT we clicked like clack. It ended with a issue of course but, over all its good memories. Its just when you get to the bad ones. smh

So one day we saw him in a store…Rick knows not to speak to me per our last conversation. He speaks anyways I look up and I smiled and then realized I aint smilling at him! and just nodded and went back to what  I was doing in the store. Glen asked who he was. I told him…..flash forward to Ipad.

I have photos and videos of me and Rick on there. He literally goes through all the photos on the Ipad and then proceeds to watch 2!!! 10 minutes videos of me and Rick that we used to make when we would hangout just making jokes and stuff nothing weird or gross. But he asked me if me and him did anything I said no we kissed 2 times. That’s it. I was 19 at the time and in these videos I was pretty intoxicated with the guy that I did in fact have a crush on. So Rick says something about “what else I can do with my mouth” I didn’t say ANTHING…I just stuck my tongue out. It was a JOKE! But! After a thousand photos, watching both videos and still watching he hears that… pauses the video and in a ahhahh! moment puts it down like “okay.” Almost like ‘my point is proven.’ Walks OUT OF THE HOUSE to now leave and go do something. I was LIVIDDDD! because I didn’t do anything and you’re just going to take that context of a video and a guy you don’t even know and now construct as if I am lying???!!! WHAT!! I was out done.

Sometimes he will comment on how many showers I have taken. Like straight up would get a attitude or question me when I take 2 showers in a day. That’s usually the quickest one to get past in conversation because I literally SHUT IT DOWN like we aren’t even having this conversation right now. I am a whole adult and after the second part of a inquiry about a shower I feel like I am getting questioned about my showers and we not doing that AT ALL!

Last thing is, I don’t know how, when, or why. I don’t know what the “line” is between checking up on and WATCHING someone. But I find that sometimes he just has more information that I remember giving him or didn’t give him at all. For instance the other day we were texting in the morning and he told me that “you didn’t move your car/you left your car” something. I was like “huh” based on what I know he knows. But THEN I realized that I left my car parked in a handicap at my job because I was bring in some food and forgot to move it.

Before that he has told me like “oh I usually don’t tell you when I drive by type deal.” I’ve went home early and not say anything and he will text me like he already knows that I am home.

At my other job I clearly remember these weird times where he would literally watch me. It would piss me off really because at this job I had to walk two blocks to the parking lot and it was Mid may-june. At the beginning I knew he was going to be downtown and as I walked out the building I looked over and I saw his car. I walked up we smiled, so cute whatever. Then I would get in and he would drive me to my car..nice right. Then it went from that to I would get out of the building start walking and he just appear when I am almost at my car and sometimes be mad I hadn’t called him yet. Or before he literally waited til I was in the car and turned out to pull up next to me and tell me I didn’t call him yet. When the phone would literally be in my hand about to while I sat at a red light 5 feet from the parking lot I had just exited.

Lastnight he said some crap about the locks. He left and locked the bottom lock on just the doorknob. There was a package so I opened the door and relocked it with both locks. I didn’t leave the house yesterday though I was busy baking for Vday. When he came in one of the first things he said was “whats up with the lock?” I was like what? He said “why you lock the deadbolt?” I said because it reflex…like I am not EVEN understanding at this point what he is insinuating. Girl! The package was part of his Vday present I had sitting on his side table when he came in. That’s when he spills it and says oh this is why the door was locked. *After opening and blah blah blah* he say oh where did you go to get this?. I was like Amazon it was the package we missed this morning. But in the back of my head I am like are you tracking when and when I did not leave the house by how many or which lock is locked when you get back because he knows I don’t pay attention to stuff like that. To then get to ask me about it to see if I lie or something? & SO! if I hadn’t had some reason to have had that lock-locked I.E the package I basically would  have been a liar in his head. Because he is thinking I left.

Also in his head he thinks the Hunt situation on my birthday was cheating on him…(I’m interested in your opinion on that)

But yeah that it really. He doesn’t yell or call me names. It is more a silent treatment type of person when he is upset. But he does say some not nice things when I make him talk when he is upset. “Like I am wasting his time” a context of what does and doesn’t matter.

Oh yeah that reminds of the last thing; that honestly as far as just actions are concerned really makes me want to kill him sometimes in the moment (not really) but he hangs up the phone on me. Also can be associated with I guess walking away from me in conversation. When he feels like I am “talking in circles” or *enter* his definition of “time being wasted” he just hangs up the phone. Sometimes he will answer when I call back. Sometimes I have to call back a couple of times and I guess it annoys him so he answers. Sometimes he answers and then hangs up again…the conversation usually doesn’t last much longer after that because he is mad and so am I. But in person when he walks about it escalates into really long drawn out interactions. The gag is he hates when I talk for 2-3 hours and we go back and forth about both our perceptions….but you don’t find letting me say the end of my sentence for 30 seconds-1min was a ‘waste of your time’ so you walk away PROVOKING the actual true waste of your time which is about to be this 3 hours of words I have to talk at you.

So yeah. That’s it. I will be awaiting your response.