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Jesss

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #149711
    Jesss
    Participant

    Thanks Anita for your reply

    I am moving on actually. I was just curious about the reason, but not interested to hear anything from him.

    Although i told him not to call me at work time he did! Although i was free i didnt answer him. Its so obvious, he is calling me at work time to make it quick. So i bared him everything and didnt asnwer. Even if he would have called me after work, i Wouldnt have answered him.

    May be me sending him those messages to make me see how mean he is. He succeeded in killing any emotion. He showed me the worst in him by ignoring and i showed him the worse in me by sending and insisting every once in a while as I was shocked from his attitude. I am now disgusted of his way and even if one day he wants back, i just cant trust him anymore. I just can not be with someone so cold hearted.

    The problem that soon I will see him in a social network. I wont be able to say hi to him and act cool. I can not deal cool with someone disrespected me and ignored me in this way and broke up with me in this way.

    What do you think?

    Jesss

     

    #149423
    Jesss
    Participant

    Hello All

    Am back after almost a month!!

    Nearly nothing happened in this month. After i was excited we gonna meet, he canceled, then i suggested another day and when the day came, he canceled again and gavd me sad facd as if he is upset!!! Ofcourse i know he was running away from meeting. Was so obvious and he was hardly replying to the messages.

    So i send him why i wanted to meet him. I told him i should have bern more supportive and shouldnt have pressured him while getting out of abusive relationship. I expressed my feelings to him, remided him of our songs and asked him that i need to know the reason behind his weird attitude and what made him soo much not baring to talk to me or see me and ask him is it a break or a break up and that he is giving up on me!

    The following day he replied coldly that he is sorry for not replying but he is busy these days and will call me later!!

    Then after a week i send him “r u still busy!!! Anyways just heard a song reminded me how we were ”

    He didnt reply except after seeing him putting pic of him with the kids on whats app. I send him that its very nice pic and god bless him and give him peace of heart.

    He replied again apologizing he is not answering my message and thanked me on my message.

    Then i sent him asking if he took his son to therapy to help him deal with his mam case and the divorce as the sooner after divorce the better for kids because i see sadness in the kids eyes.

    Although i was deciding i wont send him again, and to let go, as his attitude is really killing any feelings left inside me,  But today after ten days, tonight i send him “why u gave up on me sooo easily in this way? Its my tight to know the reason, at least to learn for future relationship. Why cant u just make me comfortable. Why cant u  confronte me. Are u afraid i will cry and get upset like last time me met?! Dont worry. I am just curious”

    He then replied “it is not that”

    so i said “then what? Why this strange stupid attitude? Wy cant u confront? Why u insisting to kill everything like that by your attitude”

    He replied he will call me tomorrow to talk.

    I replied i wont b able to talk while at work.

    Now i dont want to talk to him. May b i was venting with him cos i was shocked and surprised from his attitude. I didnt expect that its to that extent he doesn’t want to talk to me , to that extent he is cold and didn’t even get affected by me reminding him of our memories and songs. May be i just need a message from him just giving me a reason and then ending it for good. To be  brave enough to say he wanna end it completely and give me reasons.

    Yes may be when i knew first time i couldnt hold myself from the shock. But now i will accept it but still need reason even if he says he just fell out of love cos felt we r different. But just like that, without giving any reason. Was he acting on me when he said he is not stable and needs time?!

    Yes i send him messages cos i need a reason. To just send me on message and thats it. No phone call. May be meeting but still i will look upset. I wont cry or panic this time, but i dont wanna look upset. His posponing several times, killed the positive energy that was inside me and wanted to get hi out of the mood he was in. I wanted to share lots of things with him but not anymore. So even meeting him i do not want.

    So what to do now when he calls me?!

    What do anyone expect he will say?

    Sorry for long post but i was venting as its been long time.

    Thanks

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #145735
    Jesss
    Participant

    Thank you anita,,

    your comments really beneficial. I believe u go for the short breif option.

    wish me the best of love please

    chiao

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Jesss.
    #145657
    Jesss
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Here is the update.

    I sent him yesterday the song , then asked about him. He replied and asked about me too. Then I asked him if we can talk or chat, and he didnt reply. Then asked what he has done in the holidays and when he didnt reply although seeing my message, I told him that I wanted to see him and in sake of what was between us, i need to see him to know what is wrong and i promised I wont give him a hard time, just need to tell him some things.

    This last message he saw it this morning, then he called me from work. I was sounding cheerful and smiling and asked about his vacations, and he asked me too. Then tried to laugh about the song i sent him, then told him i want to see him and jokingly without excuse, as the song say,, he laughed and said ok, but not tonight as he is busy, we can arrange tomorrow. I told him i am free after 8 pm tomorrow. He asked me why, i said cos i have a course, he asked me what course.

    So, now,, i am meeting him tomorrow hopefully.

    There are 2 scenarios i have:

    1- To act normally and talk about our days and news, and not talk about anything regarding the past, but try to ease the tension and break the ice. And see how it goes. Only if he asks me what i wanted to tell him, I apologize briefly in general about anything i might have done that bothered him or put him under pressure, or drama, or any stupid accusations.

    2- From the start I apologize by getting more in details for anything I might have done that bothered him or put him under pressure, even if he said i didnt make things hard on him, but at the time before the break, i made him feel that I am not happy with him, and got pissed off and accused him of taking me for granted and not making effort, when that was not completely true. I was just sensitive due to the lack of communication that we had before it lately, which we should not leave ourselves to reach this point again, and then refusing to meet him, but may be that was for the best for a while for us to calm down. Then apologize if i said any harsh words in our last meeting, and crying and being dramatic, when he already have been in so much drama lately and got out of an abusive relation, which was so hard on him, and I should have been softer. And Ask him if we can give ourselves another chance to make this work.

    I also want to reminder him I am his destiny as he once called me, and that does not mean that we can not start dating again as this should have been the right time to date after his divorce not before, without all the problems he was going through. I also want to tell him, that i need his kids in my life as they will need me too.

     

    Thoughts

    Thank you

    Jesss

    #145341
    Jesss
    Participant

    Hii anita,

    Thank you for ur words thst brought tears to my eyes. Yes, this is what i wrote to him that i was not communicating properly with him about some simple needs. I wrote to him that this break made me realize how much i love him and look at things differently. That i dont want to lose the comfort feeling that was between is no matter what. For me its hard to give or compromise or even sacrific anything without love. For me its not easy to get attached to kids. I dated before divorced men with kids but i was not comfortable or getting along with their kids as i feel for his kids. I even need his kids in my life. I imagin us going out all as a family, playing with them and be friending them and supporting them as i know their mam case and condition and how confused they may be.  I know it will not b easy but i see i have the strength inside me that can do it.

    And yes i forgive him. I want to apologize to any word of accusation i told him at a hurt moment. And although he said I didn’t make things hard on him, i feel i did. I just want him to give me another chance. I worked on myself lately and thought alot, analyzed and made meditation. I realize what is more important to me. I want also To assure him i am strong for that responsibility.

    Yes i will tell him that even if he doesn’t want to continue with me, at least me being in his life helped him through taking a step he wanted to do long time ago to get out of this abusive relation. And i will be there for him whenever he wants me.

    Am sending him a spring song tomorrow For easter. Cheerful hopeful song her from our country. It says with meaning to close all the bad subjects behine us and just meet without excuse.

    I hope he replies. I will ask to meet him to tell me what he did in his last business trip. Then at the end apologize to him. Or what do u think.

     

    #145279
    Jesss
    Participant

    Dear Mia,

    Thank you for your concern and comment.

    Will try to take it from the good side that Anita meant exactly what i think happened that he already got out of a hard relation and would b afraid to feel any drama or any blaming, especially that i read later on that BPD complain alot and blame and criticize their partner about everything nearly.

    And that is what i am trying to solve. Lovers dp forgive each other. Dont they? I love this man and its normal to feel insecure when he start to withdraw. Yes i lost my temper once by messages. And i withdraw when he asked for a break till he called me.

    This time i will call him after easter holidays to check on him and have positive spirit and ask to meet him without opening any of the old subjects.

    Will not give up on him as he was not giving up on me before. Will show him i am patient and supportive and understand the phase he is going through. I will do as he used to do with me in the beginning.

    Please pray for me all of u and wish me success to get things between us back on track.

    If any can have any tips to say to solve things, please advise.

    #145143
    Jesss
    Participant

    So Anita, u say i need therapy cos i expressed that i was hurt him leaving me just after his divorce.After him going after me and not listening to my words to wait till he finalize his papers. I felt used and deceived giving up on our love so easily with just a message from his side.

    Yes i was angry and hurt and any woman would feel so. I was insecure when he started to withdraw without no reason and we always have good communication.

    I don’t have mood swings like his ex. I read very well about BPD. He used to tell me i am the love he was dreaming of and he is comfortable with me and i am patient.

    Yes may be last time i blamed him and was crying. May b its childish that a woman blamed her man and cries and blames him for giving up on our love from first big problem. But it happened and i want to change this. He cant judge me from one insident. I even in the letter apologized if i ever made things harder on him. That is the most thing he commented about after reading that i  didn’t make thing harder on him and that is wrong.

    Even if he got upset i blamed him, cant he forgive me as i forgive him for hurting me? Cant i make it up with him?

     

     

     

    #145017
    Jesss
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    First thank u for taking the time and reading and responding to my problem. But why u say i am not calm? Is it because I expressed my pain to him about the break up? Is it because i expressed once in 8 month to give me time in an event other than his children. I never complained about his kids or his time with him

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)