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He Withdraw after divorce from his BDP wife

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #145735

    Jesss
    Participant

    Thank you anita,,

    your comments really beneficial. I believe u go for the short breif option.

    wish me the best of love please

    chiao

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  Jesss.
    #145775

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jesss:

    I wish you well and I wish him and his kids well.

    anita

    #149423

    Jesss
    Participant

    Hello All

    Am back after almost a month!!

    Nearly nothing happened in this month. After i was excited we gonna meet, he canceled, then i suggested another day and when the day came, he canceled again and gavd me sad facd as if he is upset!!! Ofcourse i know he was running away from meeting. Was so obvious and he was hardly replying to the messages.

    So i send him why i wanted to meet him. I told him i should have bern more supportive and shouldnt have pressured him while getting out of abusive relationship. I expressed my feelings to him, remided him of our songs and asked him that i need to know the reason behind his weird attitude and what made him soo much not baring to talk to me or see me and ask him is it a break or a break up and that he is giving up on me!

    The following day he replied coldly that he is sorry for not replying but he is busy these days and will call me later!!

    Then after a week i send him “r u still busy!!! Anyways just heard a song reminded me how we were ”

    He didnt reply except after seeing him putting pic of him with the kids on whats app. I send him that its very nice pic and god bless him and give him peace of heart.

    He replied again apologizing he is not answering my message and thanked me on my message.

    Then i sent him asking if he took his son to therapy to help him deal with his mam case and the divorce as the sooner after divorce the better for kids because i see sadness in the kids eyes.

    Although i was deciding i wont send him again, and to let go, as his attitude is really killing any feelings left inside me,  But today after ten days, tonight i send him “why u gave up on me sooo easily in this way? Its my tight to know the reason, at least to learn for future relationship. Why cant u just make me comfortable. Why cant u  confronte me. Are u afraid i will cry and get upset like last time me met?! Dont worry. I am just curious”

    He then replied “it is not that”

    so i said “then what? Why this strange stupid attitude? Wy cant u confront? Why u insisting to kill everything like that by your attitude”

    He replied he will call me tomorrow to talk.

    I replied i wont b able to talk while at work.

    Now i dont want to talk to him. May b i was venting with him cos i was shocked and surprised from his attitude. I didnt expect that its to that extent he doesn’t want to talk to me , to that extent he is cold and didn’t even get affected by me reminding him of our memories and songs. May be i just need a message from him just giving me a reason and then ending it for good. To be  brave enough to say he wanna end it completely and give me reasons.

    Yes may be when i knew first time i couldnt hold myself from the shock. But now i will accept it but still need reason even if he says he just fell out of love cos felt we r different. But just like that, without giving any reason. Was he acting on me when he said he is not stable and needs time?!

    Yes i send him messages cos i need a reason. To just send me on message and thats it. No phone call. May be meeting but still i will look upset. I wont cry or panic this time, but i dont wanna look upset. His posponing several times, killed the positive energy that was inside me and wanted to get hi out of the mood he was in. I wanted to share lots of things with him but not anymore. So even meeting him i do not want.

    So what to do now when he calls me?!

    What do anyone expect he will say?

    Sorry for long post but i was venting as its been long time.

    Thanks

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #149523

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jesss:

    Welcome back to your own thread. I am quoting parts of your last post and then comment.

    You wrote: “I.. reminded him of our songs and asked him that i need to know the reason behind his weird attitude”-

    “…Then after a week i send him… just heard a song reminded me how we were ”

    “… tonight i send him ‘why u gave up on me sooo easily in this way? Its my right to know the reason…Why cant u  confront me. Are u afraid i will cry and get upset like last time me met?! Dont worry. I am just curious’…’Why u insisting to kill everything like that by your attitude’”

    “…i was shocked and surprised from his attitude…So what to do now when he calls me?! What do anyone expect he will say?”

    My comments: I believe it is time for you to give up on a relationship with him and move on, best you can. The songs you shared, the emotional and physical closeness, the hopes you had, are all in the past.

    He has been consistent in his unwillingness to start again a relationship with you. He has been also consistent with not being assertive with you (confront is the verb you used), but his message- in my understanding- is loud and clear: he is not interested in re-starting a relationship with you.

    It is time for you to move away from the past, the memories of words and songs. Time to no longer be shocked by “his attitude”. It is what it is and has been consistent over time.

    As to your question: I expect him to say nothing much, just like he hasn’t for a while. It is my understanding that he wants no contact with you and that he has been responding to you because he is afraid of you.

    anita

     

     

    #149711

    Jesss
    Participant

    Thanks Anita for your reply

    I am moving on actually. I was just curious about the reason, but not interested to hear anything from him.

    Although i told him not to call me at work time he did! Although i was free i didnt answer him. Its so obvious, he is calling me at work time to make it quick. So i bared him everything and didnt asnwer. Even if he would have called me after work, i Wouldnt have answered him.

    May be me sending him those messages to make me see how mean he is. He succeeded in killing any emotion. He showed me the worst in him by ignoring and i showed him the worse in me by sending and insisting every once in a while as I was shocked from his attitude. I am now disgusted of his way and even if one day he wants back, i just cant trust him anymore. I just can not be with someone so cold hearted.

    The problem that soon I will see him in a social network. I wont be able to say hi to him and act cool. I can not deal cool with someone disrespected me and ignored me in this way and broke up with me in this way.

    What do you think?

    Jesss

     

    #149729

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jesss:

    I think that ending all contact with him is a very good idea: don’t initiate any contact with him, and do not follow him on Facebook. Place him and the relationship with him in your past, then close the door on it.

    In a future relationship with a man, proceed slowly, get to know the man thoroughly before getting attached, best you can. Ask him questions, gently, so to get to know him. Share about yourself so he gets to know you. Proceed cautiously. Stick with reality and don’t get too invested in songs and romance to the point where reality is no longer relevant.

    Reality is always relevant.

    Post anytime.

    anita

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