anita –

i’ll keep this perspective in mind. i went to school today, but i haven’t necessarily taken on a task besides ask for a job. i think i’m going to try your mirror exercise once again today though.

giving out all the cookies without having any yourself is saint status! i think that’s what’s best. to make sure other people are okay or better than okay before you are. i’m not sure why but i’ve always felt that way. do i act this way all the time? no maybe sometimes i’ll eat 2 cookies just like everyone else, but i’d never go and eat all 10.

but almost anytime, most of the time, i’m making sure everyone else gets something before i do.

another thing i wanted to ask you was, how can we stop being sloths? how can we stop being lazy and scared? should we just push through like this challenge with fear or is there something more we should do to stop just…being lazy and tired and sometimes close to giving up.

sure! i’ll do it right before bed (not too far from now) and let you know!

anita –

today wasn’t too progressive. just another lazy sunday, unfortunately. i couldn’t think of a task i could take on to do, but there’s tomorrow. how are you?

thank you anita! and for challenge of the day, i think would be one of my biggest of all for me personally: putting my attitude of resent toward my family behind. i always end up feeling like i’m lacking something or maybe if my life went a little differently than it had things would be better, and i tend to show a bit of aloofness, but today i put it behind no matter how i felt. i didn’t feel good for me, i did it for my parents because i do love them and i never want to hurt them.

that was some kind of sentence haha! i think i’ll explain my all around feelings this way:

since i’ve been taught to be patient, i definitely think it’s a very good thing to wait. my grandfather taught me that so i stand by it very much. with the guy that i like, i don’t mind waiting for him because…i want to and also because of what i believe is in the stars for me (or for us rather). BUT, just being uncertain of his feelings for me creates this whole mumbojumbo of me coming to the questions, “well, what am i really waiting for?” “for how long will i have to wait?” and i’ve been having a hankering to get a psychic reading on the situation just to be more sure (but i feel almost as if it’s a cheat. a cheat for life. not a sin, but part of me wants to be suprised for what’s to come of this instead of actually know…that may be weird since my main thing is “what’s going on? does he like me according to the stars and god?” i think my main thing with the whole is just to be sure i’m in the right. to know if i’m on the right track rather than to know (now) if he and i will ever be together and all.

do i ever want to stop waiting for him? probably not. probably never. but am i sick of feeling this way? DEFINITELY. but i don’t think i’ll feel like this forever. i feel or believe that it will turn out in a good way. hopefully the way i’d like it to turn out – in an actual loving relationship.

the more i actually listen to myself though, feeling this extreme for someone i’ve never met, i start to question how crazy i may sound.

for today’s challenge, i haven’t done anything just yet but i got a day’s ahead of me

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Wisdom.

i haven’t necessarily started a conversation with him. im too apprehensive. i feel like maybe he could be busy or something, but i’m sure that we’ll talk one day. i just don’t want to end up waiting forever again which is the part that really confuses me and irks me. and i don’t really know if i should feel bad or confused or whatever but it’s bleeding into everything else. just my attitude toward everything is sucky because i’m in a bad mood constantly worrying “is he going to talk to me? (on his own)” “am i annoying him?” “does he even think about me?” “will he ever answer me?” and just waiting waiting waiting for anything from him at anytime. and i’m not mad at him, not at all. i’m mad at myself. because i feel ugly and subpar and i feel unsure and i don’t even know if i’m really worth his time. maybe he could be afraid to say anything to me. that’s in a good light, and if that’s what it really is, that’s fine. but what do i do with all this time other than worry and wait for him to show up. i’m really just upset and i want to keep my spirits up as best as i can, but i think that maybe i’m draining myself. i have nothing else to do but worry. i have no friends (in my real life) and i don’t have much i can do to just…release, relax and just have fun.

anita –

i think the test i took went pretty well. maybe i did okay, but i think once i find out i’ll be okay with any grade – just to see where i stand and what i need to improve. it wasn’t a breeze through, but i enjoy challenges so i want to stick through that math class till the end of the semester.