Matt
Thanks for taking time to read and reply, I will purchase the book you have recommended, for sure I have been neglecting myself because of the trauma of this relationship, I had to keep proving myself to him all the time. In the end I am stressing myself so much and I hated myself for feeling this way, at times when we argue he threatens to leave me and at some point I cry and beg him to stay, I don’t even know how I got to the place im at now to let someone walk all over me and than he will tell me he loves me a lot.. Basically I was holding on to the small thread of happiness he send my way now and again,
The worst is whenever I want to talk to him about something he makes it out like im a fool, he does not want to hear about anything, its not his problem.
Countless of times hes thrown in my face that ( why u stay with me if I don’t treat u right??) he goes that I bring all this situation upon myself, that I never appreciate what he does for me and so on….which I have to beg him to do anything for me, yet I help him in any way I can.
The worst of all is lately I have been thinking that I am the bad person and I am to blame for this situation, but my son whos in the same household goes to me that my bf is really irresponsible and hes just taking me for a ride and thinks its cool, cause I let him do this to me instead of kicking him out of my house.

now hes gone and I want to rebuild my life. I know I will need help as all of my relationships have been with the same kind of guys and the same pattern.

Hi Crystal

Happy that my advice to you has been of some help, like I say you go for it girl, never ever mind what your competitors have to say, sometimes we get just one chance in life, so go for it..
Your reply lifted my spirit, your so kind, I can sense you are a very nice person with a good heart too, This will be a blessing throughout your journey in life..

I do have a loving family and a job tha I enjoy very much, in my Me time I love spening time with my dogs, a male and female Rottweiler with their 2 pups, they are adorable and very active too, they keep me very busy…. I love nature and have been blessed to have a beautiful home on a small island in the indian ocean, Im sure you must have heard of the seychelles island? And that is where i met my bf over 4yrs ago..

I live a 3mins walk to the beach and enjoy spending time chillin on the beach in the evenings, or just going for long walks. Life is simple and peaceful, not like the hustle and bustle of the city life.
My work does take me to London now and again, thats were I have most of my friends, have a better social life when im in the city,

I guess im gonna start making more of an effort to go out and enjoy myself and make new friends, wear my pretty dresses and shoes….ever since ive been going out with my bf I lost a lot of my confidence , thats because we are always arguing and he blames me for all our problems….for sometimes now ive started to blame myself thinking im not a good enough gf, sad but thats how my bf sees it,
In a way im happy i told him to leave, but I know hes gonna tell eveyone that I have kicked him out because I want to control him, this is what hes told his family everytime we break up, His mum and sister spoils him so much that they treat my bf as if hes a baby,

I think its better I move on with my life instead of trying to patch things up for the 100th time with my bf, its tough to have a relationship wit someone when they cant see any fault with their behaviour…

Thanks again for the advice …

take care

Bernie

Crystal

Thank you for taking the time to write this reply, I really dont know if my bf truly misses me when we are apart, cause I a the one who always have to make the first move when we ague and break up, he as this mentality that I am wrong and he is right, he has some serious communication issues with me, yet he is very open and talks alot to his families and friends, its like my bf is always watching what he says when he is with me, this is how i feel, im not sure if im overeacting, cause some of my friends says to me that he is a different person at home.
Everytime we get back together he is promising so many changes and that we should talk more and express ourselves more, this is only for a few weeks and then things get back to the same old routine….

My bf is not so supportive when im ill or if i have problems that worries me, yet i am always there for him when he is down, I would feel better talking to my kids or to a friend cause i know im gonna have more support than talking to him, these things frustrates me alot cause it scares me to think that if one day im poorly if hes gonna be there for me???

I find it hard for me to understand him in many ways, I dont know if this relationship is a challenge for him cause I have a very good career, have travelled extensively, , whereas hes not been very sucessful and hes always complaining about his job… I tried talking to him about this but he dont really want to talk.

Today I tried talking to one of his work colleague about their monthly salary and he revealed to me that they earn a lot more then what my bf is telling me, this is why he hides all his payslips and bank statements, im sure the reason for this is so he could contribute very little towards bills and housekeeping, im sure he has savings and other stuff he is not telling me, last year he took out a loan and didnt tell me about it, i only found out when i was going thru his bag and saw the loan statement.when I try talking to him about it refuse to comment. and he goes to me why do i want to know everything about him, it hurts me cause i can never seem to get any explanation for anything that im concern about.
Some of my friends seem to think my bf is not being real with me…but why would he say he loves me and wants to be with me?? he can be loving but there is a side to him that baffles me as its really hard for me to know anything about him, i feel that his mum and sister knows more about what he is upto then i do..
Last year we broke up for 4 months, he never initiated any contact until new years day he sent me a message, and after 1 month we got back together again and all was well, now same thing.
like i say he is not abusive or that he cheats on me, he is just very secretive, and it worries me that i dont know what he is upto.my family tells me that his behaviour is in a way a form of mental abuse and its true cause I have lost all confidence and my self esteem is very low, i get panick attacks when i sleep, i feel very stressed and ive tried talking to him aboutt how i feel and hes not very supportive, saying its all in my mind and that i want to control him.

I tried texting him the other day and he never replied, do you think its worth me calling him?? we live just a mile apart, im sure that if he truly missed me he would have made an effort to talk things thru.
at the moment i dont sleep much, i go thru the same things everytime we break up…its wearing me down alot…

sorry long post.

Bernie