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Kenny

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • in reply to: Am I in the wrong ? #361060
    Kenny
    Participant

    Hi Anita

     

    Just to let you know this was a brand new relationship. A relationship that started last year i fell into the same cycle choosing the same partner because I have abandonment issues and a lot of mental issues. My partner of choice has always been flawed and when my partner leaves I feel abandoned, I feel lost I feel broken and most important I feel anger and resentment. I looked at it from a third person’s perspective and couldn’t get over how she was not able to understand my choices . Couldn’t handle how my idea of her was not met. She gave me an impression that she was different she was real and what we had was real which was far from the truth. Being who I am having those abandonment issues I bottle feelings emotions and find it hard to let go . Find it extremely difficult without justice. There’s a lot of issues that I am currently working on .

    thank you hope this helps you gain clarity for the situation . I really appreciate this and this is a collection of my thoughts as I go through my anxiety attacks every day . It’s a really painful process. I have hurt some of the most important people in my life making such partner choices.

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #222955
    Kenny
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Thank you for reply again,

    Over the course of these few days i have come to a decision that i am the negativity in people’s life. I am the negativity of my ex’s life, my friends and my family’s. I have let a lot of people down by making the wrong choices in life. There were times when i used to be able to overcome all obstacles and push through but not this time.

    I do not think that i can do this anymore and i appreciate you helping me out when i was in doubt but it is clear that this person got to me. My decisions in life got to me and the pressure, stress, hurt, pain and depression is getting to me.

    I am giving up and a lot of people have been telling me to hang in there but it is not easy anymore. It is becoming impossible.

    No matter how much they try to talk me out of my decision , it seems to me like my mind is set , i am sick and i am beyond saving in my opinion.

     

     

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #222125
    Kenny
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Thank you for replying and sure i am definitely looking forward to your reply. Honestly i just do not want to feel like an insane person for thinking that i was victim of the abuse. as i mentioned above i confronted her before but she will always convince me that i am the abusive one and that i am completely delusional for calling her abusive and controlling this is where the guilt comes in and the self doubt and the question of my own sanity. Am i just delusional for thinking that she abused me and that i am in reality the abuser of this relationship and that i am really this monster she said i am? because i told the same thing to my friends and they told me she is the abusive one but she would go off and tell her family members that i abused her. This made me question whether i am just so delusional to a point where i am creating things in my head to make my self feel less like a monster.

    Thank you once again and i hope that through a third person’s point of view i can get a clear picture of the situation that i went through.

     

    Kenny

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #222109
    Kenny
    Participant

    she would offer me money to pay off my rent and i would tell her it is not about the money it is about the fact that i deserve appreciation for the things that i have done for you. Simply thanking me and then go back to mistreating me and bossing me around is not how appreciation should be. She would tell me that if it is all about money she has tons and she dishes out cash just like that and it sounds so ignorant and just plain insensitive. It is that ignorance of not knowing what she did wrong and not being able to figure out who is at fault that drove this relationship to its end and she would never ever understand that. You simply do treat someone who cares for you unconditionally at their own expensive like that. She had her period during the week of my competition and i had no choice but to go to the gym on a monday. On the sunday i sent her home, she told me stick around after i am done with my things i will come and meet you. I said ok because why not. i wait there with nothing to do just walked around the shopping area and moved from coffee shops to coffee shops. After she got done with her things she told me she had a bad period cramp she asked me whats the plan if you want me to come over i can if you want me to go back i will. I said its ok just head back your house is five minutes away from here. i will finish up my things tomorrow morning and come to you and stay with you the whole day. She got angry and said i can’t take your bs and stormed out with anger ,called a cab and left. I was so in shock i did not know what was going on but at that point i was so used to it already that it did not hit me until later in the week that this is the type of girl i am with. Even when i would put her before me and i have tried so many times to tell her that i put you first. i put myself at a disadvantage to make sure you are happy i compromise for you she would tell me you are not doing enough.

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #222105
    Kenny
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Thank you so much for taking your time to re-read my post and replies and replying to them. They have helped me in terms of letting go even though it is hard. Now to reflect on it here is how i am as a person.

    I am naive, i see the best in people even when they hurt me consistently.  No matter how much i have been hurt by my ex but what stops me from moving forward is that she i see the better side in her.  She mistreated me consistently but she also brought me a lot of happiness, good times, good memories things that changed me for the better. Those are also the reasons why i refused to let go and give up on her because even though the relationship was so destructive a big part of me really hoped that through words i can get through to her that she was not kind to me. But instead i would get insulted back and told that i am abusive i am controlling.  After a really rough break of our relationship i shared with my friend about what happened. i told her and was honest about me going to my friend for advice and confide in them.  Not only did she get angry she said unforgivable things to me. Back then she used to break up with me almost every other week and i would tell her i can not take it its torture i want to end my life. I wanted her to know how painful it was to go through this and talk to someone who simply refuses to hear me out. She told me i am weak for going to her to confide and i am weak from having suicidal thoughts. She told me if i really want to do it i should go ahead and jump. That really showed me who she truly was.

    I was afraid of her because how she treated me was exactly how my father would treat me, abuse and out of fear i would hide the truth from her. Avoid telling her things even if it really was not such a big deal. Because i was afraid , afraid that she would belittle me she would tell me that i am someone who is trashy useless. After a while the ability to confide in her was gone and i am the type of guy whereby if i ever get into a relationship the person i am with will be someone i share everything good or bad with. Because my parents never gave me the ability to do that. I expected her to be judgement free to stick by my side through both good and bad days. But instead she would tell me be happy by yourself , only then can you come to me cause i can not deal with your bullshit( excuse my language). That really struck me. I tried to explain to her why i confide in another female whom i do not know in person. Whom i met online long time ago. Because i wanted someone to just listen and most importantly i wanted her to listen to be judgement free and hear me out for once. Instead of automatically jump to her own defense and brush off every single hurtful thing she has done. She made me question whether i was insane or not for calling her a control freak and an emotional abuser. Because she would tell me when i confronted her multiples times that she believed in it for a second only to brush it off and tell her self that i am not like that. I do not know how to fix this and it is far beyond fixing since the person that i tried so much to rely on can not even recognize her own mistakes.

     

    She would tell me after the break up that she learnt not to trust people easily and that was it. How can someone who has abused other so clearly blame the other person for their own doings? For starting the arguments the complaints and how can you expect someone to tolerate such behavior. She used to tell me that if i had known you had this dream and want to continue pursing it i would have never been with you. she also told me that her cousin’s husband would say nothing when she gets angry at him and that when she gets angry at me i will rebel and say mean things to her and ask me why can’t i be more like him.

     

    I really do not know what to do cause i know her and because of our arguments i went to a psychiatrist to get some help. The psychiatrist told me that you should bring your girlfriend along to the sessions cause it is clear that she has some issues on her part to fix as well. I told the psychiatrist no, i know her she would refuse change and blame me and the only thing to do is work on myself to be a better partner for her. I truly loved her unconditionally even with the abuse and the insults. I wanted things to work and i do blame myself as you said for not being able to give up on the thought of that.

     

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #221923
    Kenny
    Participant

    To add More on that . She would constantly ask me why are you sulking I don’t want a negative person in my life and I would tell her it’s because We never talk our problems out ego aside and hear each other out solve it as a team. She doesn’t understand that sure I was the one who lied to her first but subsequently she abused me so much and I tried so hard to put up with it. I wanted nothing more to make things work but she would be so ignorant that she does not even realise how much of pain she is causing and how much fear I had for her . That she was going to make me feel horrible for going after my dreams. For carrying out daily tasks the way I want . To live life on my terms.

    in reply to: Traumatic breakup and trouble moving forward #221921
    Kenny
    Participant

    I would like to elaborate more on the story and how i feel right now.

    She would claim that i am abusive and controlling as every time we argue she would want to leave . She would threaten me and use uber app to book a cab. I tried stopping her and she would call me controlling because of that. There’s one incident where I had enough.

    we were in the shower and I tried to turn the heater up cause she was complaining about being sick and the water was too cold. As I was adjusting it the water started turning cold so I twisted the handle around to try and fix that she started getting angry at me and that was when I lost it all the months of emotional abuse and blaming me for and telling me to choose between her and my dreams. It got to me that I wasn’t happy . I threw things around and I became very impulsive I accidentally threw her phone out of impulse and she started saying you are the worst person I’ve ever met you are trash.

    I tried to harm myself after that punch myself telling her I am sorry I realised I lost my dignity my sanity and again out of impulse I told her to punch me and used her arm (which she went through surgery post accident ) and punched myself resulting in her feeling pain and caused some swelling . She labelled me an abusive boyfriend after that and told her family members about me being abusive.

    I tired so so hard to take care of her and put her before my own happiness, sanity and wellbeing. That’s how I feel now like I’ve wasted so much energy trying to please her but what about me? What about what I want to do. What about my happiness? I’m miserable because for the most part I can’t date I can’t go out on dates . Those memories are associated with her and I don’t see myself ever being in love again. I’ve given so much and lost so much of myself and what I fought so hard to achieve that stability . Being a good student. Being healthy active and I started smoking again .

    I want to be better but it’s so hard for me to carry forward knowing I have made this mistake once again . It hurts and the blame is on me for letting that happen. For letting someone control what I do and the hardest part is her ego is so up there that I can never get through to her make her think about what she did. And how my actions subsequently got affected because of that

    i just want this to stop

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)