anita
while we’re on the topic of self-bullying, I wonder if the stronger our inner critic, the louder he or they are, the less able we are to take criticism from other people?
I know I am hypersensitive to criticism. Is that because my inner bully is so loud? has so much power in my inner selves world?
And vice versa. the people who have no internal bully or at least have theirs under control, can take criticism in their stride, like water off a duck’s back?
I know that when I experience a negative event, like being micro-managed by a fault-finding boss at work, I fear the actual pot-mortems afterwoards more than the event itself. I really beat myself up. So the internal bully is worse than the “real life” external bully.
Or the external bully stirs up the internal bully, triggers him, wakes him up into action.

I’ll give you a recent example of my anxiety. I had to give an impromptu 2 minute speech last night at a public speaking course I attend. I developed a nervous tic with my arms, “ums” and “ahs”, looking down at the floor instead of at the audience, heart racing as if I was doing a 100 metre sprint, and thoughts racing to keep up saying things like” you idiot, why are you even here? you are hopeless, just quit now while you’re ahead, see how people’s heads are down, they are too embarrassed for you to even give you eye contact. Just admit it, you are a f###ing loser”
I have a panic attack every time I have to speak to a group in public, but am trying to come to terms with it.It is not easy. Good luck with yours.

those naughty characters of yours are playing up again…
could you talk to them like naughty children?..” if you don’t…, then I’m going to have to….”

thanks for more insightful comments anita

I have a similar prayer that goes like this: “God give me the senility to accept my expanding waistline and the wisdom to know when to buy a bigger belt.”
Rediscover your sense of humour is my answer. Not meaning to be disrespectful but it has helped me.

These are tough questions to answer Anita.
I’m kind of vague on this I admit.
“Placid” means quiet, not seeking attention, problem free.
I have 4 older brothers. the first 3 were “normal” and I really looked up to all of them especially the intellectual one(s).
The fourth eldest brother, only a few years older than me, was disabled. He was naughty, would scream a lot,used to run away and Mom had trouble controlling him. I was well-behaved so I think a relief to her because I didn’t demand her attention. I think my parents were very concerned about my elder brother and had trouble communicating with him. (he was profoundly deaf). Eventually they sent him away to boarding school for the deaf. But then my mother was busy again having two more babies (boys) after me. My mother had 7 boys in all, a great contribution to the baby boomer era.
Honestly I feel guilty now how I have written about this. I had a happy childhood though and a lot of it was with my disabled brother, playing sports outside.