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jock

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Viewing 15 posts - 901 through 915 (of 919 total)
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  • in reply to: Can Buddhism help with self-confidence and self-esteem? #82068
    jock
    Participant

    Annie
    Thanks for your post and link which I read. it was useful.
    Of course your point of view is quite valid. It is more often than not, my interpretation of events which make it worse.
    And I have had problems in other workplaces as well as in other situations. Stems from feelings of inferiority I fear.

    But I’d like to focus on whether Buddhism is going to be useful to me or not in regaining self-esteem. When I was younger, I did have some low-self esteem issues but they were manageable because I worked on my appearance and fitness. I felt good about how I looked. of course I still had problems of feeling confident in a group., afraid to voice my opinion. Now (in my fiftees), I am much fatter, starting to wrinkle, bit slower to catch on, (teach an old dog new tricks?) and perhaps more sensitive to perceived criticisms. However, I think when I was young I let people walk all over me, just I didn’t notice. Now I notice it and no longer want to be a doormat. I see someone used the analogy of the tiger and the teddy bear on another site. people need to see both the tiger and the teddy bear persona in you. I tend to project too much of the teddy bear persona, wanting to be cute and loveable. it’s all about boundaries and the workplace requires our boundaries to be stricter than normal. I tend to be over friendly, overly familiar and kind of toothless. The assertive tiger persona is hard for me to perform. I don’t enjoy claiming my rights to other people when they step over my boundaries or I am not mindful of what is happening in the heat of the moment(haha ! mindful… so maybe Buddhism is helping).
    I want Buddhism to give me solutions to getting on with my work colleagues and gaining their respect. But all I get from Tibetan Buddhism is “be compassionate and fully present”. Surely we need to protect ourselves from people who are likely to walk all over us given the chance? What is the teaching on that? I used to be a Christian and a similar teaching was “turn the other cheek”. How about emphasising assertiveness more in daily life? How about talking about maintaining healthy self-esteem? These are my core issues and maybe they are better treated by psychology and counselling rather than religion. Too much emphasis on compassion and loving others regardless of their behaviour, is setting us for mistreatemnt in my view. We need to survive in the real world. Yes meditation has helped me I admit but it won’t solve all my problems I fear.

    in reply to: Going down the drain – help #82014
    jock
    Participant

    I read your post Bill and made me realise that my situation isn’t as bad as yours even I am a similar age.
    What might help you most is a friend or some community spirit. If I were you, I’d go along to a church group and seek some support there. Even you don’t go along with all their dogma, you can connect with at least one person surely.
    Good luck kind sir!

    in reply to: Jobhopping – and a misfit again.. #82013
    jock
    Participant

    Oh also I want the workplace to be completely harassment free, which from experience doesn’t exist.

    in reply to: Jobhopping – and a misfit again.. #82012
    jock
    Participant

    I relate to the jobhopping part definitely as I am one of the worst.
    I have a terrible track record and as I see it , these are the reasons for the pattern I have sreated:

    – I’m impatient to feel happy, loved and appreciated in the workplace.
    – I want the job to challenge me just enough to avoid boredom. Not too challenging please!
    – I want the job to have some status so I am not embarassed to tell friends what it is.
    -I want at least one really good friend I can connect with there so I have an alliance should harassment occur.
    – I want to be liked by the boss. Worshipped would be a real bonus!
    -Enough pay so I can save enough money for a good overseas holiday every year.
    – Opportunities for a career path/promotion would be nice even if I don’t take them.

    in reply to: To stay or to go..? Feeling lost. #82011
    jock
    Participant

    If you don’t mind me saying, you sound kind of confused at the moment with so many options in your life.
    I’d say work out exactly how much money you need to do what you want to do most. Then work out how you are going to save it. So the finance side is important I guess if you want the feeling of independence. Possibly the barista job for a while, then reassess in 3 months?

    in reply to: Can't fit into the team #82010
    jock
    Participant

    Hey I hear you ’cause I don’t fit in with my team either. Sounds like the job doesn’t suit you at all. Can you just quit and find another?
    As for lunch time, I dread having lunch with my workmates. Listen to more of their crap? No thanks.

    in reply to: Acceptance and Truth in Love #57751
    jock
    Participant

    Try to value this time without a partner. A long time alone can be hugely beneficial in my view.

    in reply to: I'm a failed ex-teacher #57737
    jock
    Participant

    thanks ruminant. have considered tutoring but may lack confidence/passion for that unfortunately. Have studied counselling recently. Might go down that path. Life is not too bad though. How is your future looking?

    in reply to: Self Compassion #57649
    jock
    Participant

    This is my first year of teaching but I am finding it hard to be self compassionate towards myself.

    I’m an ex teacher and I can tell you my first year was a nightmare. Give yourself a break. Sounds like you are setting yourself very high standards. Chill!

    in reply to: Meaning of Life #57602
    jock
    Participant

    My parents never asked nor tried to answer such a question. Am I more spiritual than them for doing so?
    Absolutely not.
    Ask and seek the meaning of life but do it in a humble way. To arrive at my deathbed with no hate in my heart and to be full of gratitude. All I do now should be towards that goal.
    Can I just say that I think we overdo the “here and now” concept? Maybe we need a fresher way of expressing it.

    in reply to: Your stories ?! #57601
    jock
    Participant

    I tend to attract people who love talking about themselves. I have always struggled with an addiction to politeness, in asserting my right to interrupt or say I have something to do in order to escape. OK, well I can be narcissstic as well sometimes but that is usually online to compensate for my real life persona.

    jock
    Participant

    I tend to go through fads and mini addictions but nothing has become a lifetime obsession.
    I’ve learnt guitar to high beginner level but lack the discipline, fortitude, drive and “passion” to go to the next level.
    Similar with writing, psychology, philosophy, meditation, my current job, ..
    the upside is that I have been able to quit addictions such as smoking, heavy drinking, gambling.

    in reply to: Finding True Purpose/Niche in Life #57597
    jock
    Participant

    Jasmine, a hard act to follow:)
    I think we all have to experience life, ie. get out there and fail and come to our own conclusions as to where we belong. Our niche changes during our life too. I’m 56 and still struggling with self-awareness so don’t expect to have all the answers soon.Sounds like I am in a similar field to you. My advice is “yes help people but always keep some humour about it and maintain detachment for the sake of your own mental health” (pretty much what Jasmine said). My conclusion is, that there is no ideal job out there, just a handful of options that may suit us at a certain point in our lives. Try to meet your trials and tribulations with patience and kindness to yourself. That is something I am still learning myself.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by jock.
    in reply to: Hhelp me have better relationships with women #57558
    jock
    Participant

    I do tend to make a mountain out of a molehill as well; it must be said. 🙂
    Thanks for your replies.

    in reply to: Hhelp me have better relationships with women #57556
    jock
    Participant

    esp if they do not have higher education or high level jobs

    very true

Viewing 15 posts - 901 through 915 (of 919 total)