I do feel like I am not fully seeing things as clearly as I could. From outside perspectives my close friends tell me that he doesnt care or that he is just keeping me on the line. But i guess I just dont want to believe that..

Hi Anita,

1. Yes I think so.. He said he feels like he has shield up when it comes to taking the next step in a relationship. But sometimes to me that seems like an excuse because someone doesnt want to commit or something.. I try not to doubt things but its so hard.

2. Not everytime we had sex together. Recently he hasnt tried which makes me thinks another girl is involved. But tonight we hung out again and we actually had a nice conversation about our perspectives and it helped alot but the condemn thing was eating me up!! So after I left him I called him and I said I dont mean to keep bringing things up but I saw a condemn wrapper on your floor and it upset me because I dont know what to think. He said No Kylee that was from a while ago I legit havent cleaned my room in so long, i said I know you havent but like it just seems weird I dont feel like u want me to sleep over or have sex with me now. He said that isnt true and he thinks because of a prior incident I have this distorted perception of him and how he is unfaithful. I said well I dont mean to upset you I just think that I rather bring it up than hold it in. He said Im not upset with you im just annoyed that I need to explain myself when you should just believe me.

We then got off the phone and he said have a goodnight and ill talk to you tomorrow, I said okay goodnight. But then i texted him because I felt so guilty and I said thank you for talking to me, goodnight. … Whenever I express myself like that I get so insecure like what Im saying is unreasonable. He told me that its crazy how i am thinking. Because each time we have hung out recently things come up. But i feel like I just need to talk about it and it feels like a cycle and then i think omg i ruined it cuz i talked about things and now he is gonna be fed up with me and not want to talk to me or be with me..

Also I dont ask him to have sex with me the times that we have were naturally that way.

I just feel so crappy about myself for doubting him but then again I have had reasons too. But I dont want to hold it against him. I want to be able to let go and move forward and be happy but sometimes its so difficult because I overthink so deeply. He knows I do this too. Like after our long talk then i called him to bring that up so i feel like i push him away.

Its just so confusing and gives me so much anxiety because Im like well now he prob wont even talk to me because I questioned him…

-Thank you, Kylee

It just feels like he wants me there but then he doesnt want to take the time to fully commit.

Thanks Inky and Anita.

Well yes as you can see there is a pattern in how i perceive or handle relationships. Its extremely stressful and upsetting to me. I feel so alone and sad because of it and have so much anxiety. I just dont even know how to be myself right now.

My mother doesnt really talk about my dad but from the past she said he does having drinking problems and i remember this and im fully aware that he does have this issue. I know my father not being in my life or coming and going does relate deep down to maybe why im so anxious in a relationship or tolerate things that dont serve me. Yet i dont know why im drawn to keep attracting those these types of relationships.  Recently, I decided to go find my dad at his job. I was successful in this and we did have a talk but he doesnt actually talk to me about why he left and this and that. I thought maybe if I try one more time that it would make a difference in how I felt, but it really didnt. It was nice to see him but i already know my relationship with my father will not be more than it is now and it does make me sad but it feels that there isnt much I can do.

Also my mother and me having a pretty good relationship, other than the fact that she doesnt really like to ever hear about my problems with relationships. She doesnt think my dad is related to my problems. I really care about my mom and we have a much better relationship than we did when i was younger. When i was younger we argued a lot and i didnt really listen to her. But since i have grown up and been living on my own our relationship has gotten a lot stronger.

As far as the condemn box i didnt bring it up.. I just asked about other girls and he said no. Because what if it was from us in the past but then its like there is no way that would just be sitting there empty from a month or two ago… It just seems so weird idk. It messes with my head. If he is in fact having sex with other people I cannot be with him, whether he admits to it or not. Its too painful and makes me feel so low about myself. He said that we arent together so we can do what we want but then he says we are together and we need to build our reltionship back up after these issues basically. But i asked him how are we supposed to build it back up if we dont discuss things or spend enough time together? He says things should naturally just happen. Which makes me so frustrated when he says that because it seems so passive. Idk.

Hello All,

I am back and still stuck on this situation. I was going to start a new thread but figured I would come back to this one as it is related. Also I do appreciate all your responses from before.

Basically after this situation occurred, I struggled a few days with deciding to reach back out to him or not. I did eventually decide to do so and he said he missed me and that the situation does bother him. I basically told him I felt he was unclear in how he expressed his emotions towards me and that he seemed unclear in what he wanted with me. He then told me that he has been hurt in past relationship and feels like he would be unreliable in a relationship. He said he would not be a good boyfriend. I responded with why would he say all this time he wanted me to be his be his girlfriend and then all of the sudden when things actually come up you dont want to commit? He said that its not that he doesnt want to be my boyfriend he said he could give me a million reasons why he wants too its just he said why would he let himself get attached like that again. Theres a little more to it but I just said if thats what you want then ok. (This was over texts) He then called me and was talked a little. Not much was resolved based on that convo more catching up and what not. We began texted as normal again and he said he missed me so much and our time together and wants to have a talk! I was happy this is what I wanted! Right? He said we would talk and then go out for the night. So then the time comes around and I said want me to head over? He said not yet my cousin isnt here yet, i said perfect we can talk first like you mentioned. He said oh we will talk through the night! I said well I feel its more appropriate to talk together before we go out because I dont want to be drinking when having this conversation. He said well we havent seen each other in a bit I feel we should go out have some fun, then we can talk. I was pretty upset over this, because I think that i deserved the time to talk! after he said we would. I totally got his point of view but at the same time, why would i wanna go out and have fun to fulfill his needs if he cant fulfill this one conversation he new i really wanted to have! But anyway i went over, i was pretty sad and it was hard to be happy and enjoy myself. I tried to explain we need to talk when i saw him face to face and he kept complimenting me and saying we will talk later but i was just like why cant we just talk now! Like you said we would. So we went out anyway and we tried to talk while we were out but wouldn’t give me his full undivided attention. I was soo friken upset the whole night. I tried to enjoy my time the best i could though. So we get back to his house (we had some drinks, this is of course not the situation i wanted at all.) But i brought things up of course and I felt like i had to make him talk to me and he told me that we are together and he wants to be with me and I brought up my concerns and he told me i overthink so much and its not healthy and i said to him, even if i am doing that ( Which based off what I told you all previously, I didnt feel I was just over thinking, I had true reasons to why i felt the way I felt.) I should be able to express myself to you and have you listen to me without it being such a struggle. anyway that was that. Next day I felt soooo regretful in how the situation played out, I felt so sad and confused even more. I didnt talk to him much that day and he asked me next day why I didnt. I said because i really didnt want to have that conversation drunk. and its upsetting me. He said dam I feel like you just want to point out the bad things in me. I said thats not true, I wanted to have a one conversation with you based off some events. Not because I ever want to make you feel bad at all! We also had plans that day and he said we would follow through and he compeltely ignored me and blew me off on them. And then I didnt answer him when he responsed wayyyyy later at night. Because to me it was such bs! Then a few days later he is like what are not talking anymore?? …. After that I felt so fed up! I was like omg I have given this person every opportunity to talk to me and communicate with me and he avoided or just didnt even try that hard to even do that, while knowing how much it would mean to me. So to make things more final and to come to some resolution of some sort I said along the lines of this: I have given you every opportunity to talk with me and you chose not too. I know in my heart that i deserve my time and feelings to be respected. If this is not a reltionship you want to build then I wish you the best. ( I said more but I cant fully remember details because I erased it all) He responded to that like two days later and said I wish you the best too. THis hurt me so deeply. I was a wreck! I know our relationship wasnt long in time wise but it meant something to me and I felt connected to him in some way and it stuck with me. But i procceeded to try and move forward by deleting him from social media, I deleted his number, blocked him off some social media. Then 3 weeks go by and i get a message on Facebook that he tried to add me back as friends and then he messaged me sayinf “Kylee!!!!” thats it!!!! Which just messes with my head so much. I didnt respond. I didnt add him back or deny I just left i be. He deleted his request from me about a week later probably becuase I didnt respond im assuming. I have been so tempted to reach out to him but Im trying to remain strong in my choice. I really miss him and im so so conflicted within my heart.

Being conflicted in my heart really interferes with other parts of my life, and affects my happiness or feeling of self worth. I try to not let it but ultimately it does. I really struggle here because my mind and others around me who care for me tell me to forget about him and move on but my heart is like well what if you just follow your heart and try. Its such a conflict and i hate it. every day im so sad over this and im so tired of feeling this way. I do things to occupy my time, I am still trying to accomplish all that I need to. I am always busy doing things so its not like I dont have distractions. Its just a deep loving connection is something that means so much to me that its so difficult to let go when i feel I have or am close to that.  I also struggle with my spirituality when it comes to love, because I try to think like well if I want to reach out or if he messages me why cant i respond? Why do i feel like its wrong or that im not allowed or that it is wrong to do so?? I feel like I should just be open with my heart and spread love and what not. But then part of me is like well kylee do u want to get hurt, do you want to try again??? When the person seems to be putting minimal effort. ( I tend to make excuses for other peoples actions becuase i think well maube they have a hard time being open and honest or confrontation or whatever it may be.)

I know that this is A Lot to read and I appreciate anyone who decided too lol. Its just so hard to get all my feelings out or my ideas out typing I suppose. Heart break is so confusing, I feel so tempted to reach back out but I am trying to really hold myself back because I already tried to be as clear as possible before. So what else is there for me to say unless he were to truly intiate a conversation that would be worthy of my energy or time.  I feel so consumed by this and I just dont even know how to let go fully.

Thank you

Kylee

Thanks Anita and Valora for responding!

Well the last girlfriend he was with he said he was with her for about 6-7 months. He told me he didn’t really feel that emotional connection with her like he does with me. He said that she was immature and not on a good path and that he doesn’t even like her! Mean while he is out here liking her photos and texting her.  Which just makes me so frustrated like why go out of your way to tell me this information if you are going to continue talking to her. Sometimes I feel like guys hold on to the ex girlfriends because of a ego related thing. Its just so upsetting because he did seem interested but as soon as I tell him how I feel he can’t take the time to listen to me. I feel like in his mind he wanted to like do all these nice things together and be there for me but then like his actions wouldn’t fully match his words. I just feel like this is so ridiculous and everything could be fine but communication is a two way street and I guess I just need to accept that he isn’t wanting more or whatever. I hate that I feel insecure about this. I should be proud that I stood up for myself.

Thank you

Kylee

I know I agree with what you both are saying. I appreciate it. I just feel awful :(. I don’t really know where to begin with talking to my friend. I tried already and she was just yelling at me and I didn’t fight it because I don’t want her to think I’m insensitive to her feelings. I feel like I don’t know how to repair her hurt because she doesn’t feel my actions meet with my words. And I also feel bad because I am sorry for hurting her but I don’t 100% regret what I shared with the guy. I’m just trying to be honest.

Thank you all.

Sorry I have not responded. Still don’t have internet!! 🙁 lol.

I meant. My ex mother was so happy to see us and be going on this trip. She was welcoming and friendly. But My ex he just seemed like he didnt want to be bothered. I felt unwanted by him when i was there. I tried to bring it up to him but he just hardly  says much and still doesnt act any different. It makes me feel pushed away and hurt, because here I am trying so hard to be communicating with him and open and trying to meet his family. Since we broke up.. He has tried to talk to me a few times but i just havent really said much because i feel hes only talk to me out of his own satisfaction. If that makes sense?

My anxiety has been better since we broke up.. But i often feel whenever im in a relatiopship i get such bad anxiety. I always fear the person will leave me or that im not enough for them. I try to be the best girlfriend I can be so that I dont end up feeling that way but I am usually left feel unappreciated or drained. Its very hard to find balance in a relationship for me. But I just desire close connections and love so much. I feel very alone in this mind set. I’m trying hard to just go with the flow of things…but I dont know I feel very confused.

Thank you