Forum Replies Created
August 17, 2019 at 3:10 pm #308393
I’m sorry you feel lonely.
The feeling of loneliness, if perceived as a negative, can be a source of sadness.
But it can also be a pleasant condition, especially if it is not absolute.
Each of us has our own character, some people are extrovert and feel at ease with others, some are introverts and need more quiet.
From what you write, you have good relations with all the people you frequent, and this seems important to me.
Correct me if I misunderstood, but do I seem to sense that you feel the lack of closer friendships?
Perhaps, if this is the problem, you might consider trying to gradually establish a bond with a small group of people, even just one or two initially.
Maybe in this way you could try to identify people who may have an affinity with you, because sometimes trying to interact with large groups can be more difficult.August 10, 2019 at 4:39 pm #307499
Maybe I’m wrong, but reading your posts, I think that your sister has the intention or hope of living with you in the future.
It also seems to me to understand that now you are rightly annoyed by your sister’s behavior, especially the fact that she arrived unannounced, but in any case you love her.
Maybe you could, if you feel like it, serenely explain to your sister what your reactions to her behavior are, making her aware that you have changed, you are no longer the girl she is so sure of knowing, and change is a healthy and inevitable thing.
Then, but only if it pleases you, you could suggest that the next time she wants to visit you, she can rent a space in an hotel or in a b & b in your city. In this way you could meet, she would feel reassured by your closeness but you would have your freedom. This, however, only if it is something you like, must not be a duty.August 1, 2019 at 9:57 pm #306177
Happy Birthday Camila!
I wish you a peaceful and joyful day: relax, rest and have fun. 🙂August 1, 2019 at 2:40 am #306013
Dear Cami, I understand you perfectly. It is difficult to change, even if you first understand that it is right to try to be more positive and you want to succeed. I too would like to change some of my attitudes, but it is not easy.
Perhaps you could try to take one step at a time, without adding more stress to what you already have to endure.
Try to focus on the positive aspects of your future together. When you realize that you are starting to have negative thoughts, focus on something that instead is a source of joy and positive expectation.
Also, since you work hard and study, make sure you take care of your diet, eating healthy food. Stress and sadness could also arise from a vitamin deficiency.
I wish you all the serenity!July 25, 2019 at 7:04 am #304841
Dear Peggy, your description has hit the mark. When we were younger, trying to solve our economic problems was something that committed us full time. Now that we have reached a more stable situation, sometimes I almost get the impression that my husband is “forced” by his own character to create new worries. In fact he is a very active person, unable to enjoy a vacation. It’s not his fault if he has such a character. His family past certainly influences, his mother died at 93 and up to the last she worried about anything, we tried to calm her but for her it was impossible.
Sometimes I fantasize about leaving it, but I think it happens to almost all couples. Over the years I have realized that I am a solitary person, I do not hate others but often they make me suffer while when I’m alone I’m serene (but I must also say that I have never lived alone, so I could be wrong).
But I don’t think I leave him. He didn’t do me any harm, he’s not perfect but neither am I, I’m a very private person and I live mainly in my inner world, not that this is a positive thing but it’s like that. I have never tried to change him, I just try to change my hypersensitive reactions so as not to sadden me unnecessarily when he is anxious about old age. For me it is not a problem, I try to take life with serenity. I must say that my husband does not worry about his death per se, but only because he thinks that I would be alone. This is true but what is the point of caring now and living badly? Above all, in our country, retirement homes for the elderly certainly do not lack.
Thanks again for everything. Being able to talk is a great relief for me.July 24, 2019 at 10:28 am #304701
Dear Anita, I really don’t know how to thank you for taking the time to answer me. Your kindness realli moves me. You gave me a lot to think about, resuming my words you helped me to point out the things I wrote in a less cold and rational moment, helping me to understand that I have to consider what I sometimes try not to see.July 24, 2019 at 10:23 am #304699
Hi Peggy, yes I agree with you: the sense of humor is a big help. When I manage to apply it to a difficult situation it helps me a lot because it makes me see things from a more ironic perspective and I realize that sometimes I am too dramatic.
Thanks dear I really appreciate your words.July 23, 2019 at 3:48 pm #304553
Dear Anita, thanks for answering me. What you say is right, anxiety for the future on the one hand leads him to make concrete plans to improve our lives, but it is impossible for him to put a limit to this mental setting, and leads him to consequences, in my opinion extreme, of unjustified concerns. I will try to see what he thinks of the therapy. Surely I too have to learn to define strong boundaries and not to be influenced by his anxieties. Not to get him away, but to preserve the serenity and balance I struggle to find. I believe that if I can maintain my peace of mind, it will benefit both.
Thank you very much for helping me to reflect and to see my situation from the outside.July 23, 2019 at 12:16 pm #304533
Hi Peggy, thanks for your reply.
Your point of view is also mine and I often tell him. No one can know what will happen in the future, children may not always or want to help elderly parents. His son is a very good boy, I don’t know why he shouldn’t take care of his father at least (I don’t mean he should look after him personally, but only follow a nurse or nursing home). But as you can see, I also get infected by these concerns, which I think serve only to prevent people from serenely living the present.
I really like your idea of representing my husband’s angst in painting, it helps to visualize it and introduce a little joy, since I recognize that I am quite melodramatic … Like all people (I for one) he has some defects but he is really a good person, kind and caring.
For this reason I would paint his angst like a huge, grumpy and somewhat clumsy bear, always ready to protect me in his embrace at the same time suffocating and affectionate.
Thanks to you Penny and the other friends of the forum, you are very kind and you have really helped me. I am happy to have discovered this community and I hope I can contribute too.July 22, 2019 at 8:50 pm #304427
Hi Valora, thanks for your reply. The problem in my opinion is just what you framed. He always worries about the future, when we were younger it was justified, but now that moment has passed and from an economic point of view now we are ok. I try to enjoy this peaceful time, doing the things I love. He instead seems unable to not worry, he always says that having no children no one will take care of us … this makes me very sad because I live it as a veiled reproach since I never wanted children. I have nothing against children, they are not the problem, I have no maternal instinct and I can’t help it.
I asked here on the forum because I have no one to talk to and I wanted to deal with other points of view, especially to see if I’m wrong to try to live without worrying about the future. Thank you.
July 22, 2019 at 1:26 pm #304395
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by Diletta.
Hi Mark, thanks for your advice. In fact, I recognize that the attitude you suggest is the right one. I am a very emotional person and I react irrationally. Actually he proposes possible solutions to me, but I withdraw while instead I should do as you say and talk about it together to find an acceptable compromise for both. Thank you.
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by Diletta.