Hi Bella,

I’m doing okay. But still, it seems everyday I think of him. Wonder if he’s thinking of me as well. I try not to, but find myself thinking of how I could’ve changed things or checking my phone to see if he sent a text. I cannot stand it. I want to get over this and him so bad. I don’t want to think about him anymore. I don’t cry as much anymore, just think about him. Almost everything I read, various topics, I relate to him. It doesn’t help me at all that I think of him daily. And yet he hasn’t reached out. I knew from the way things ended that he wouldn’t. But I had hope for some reason or another. Maybe it was just and still is wishful thinking and a waste of time.

~L

Dear Anita,

I know if I hadn’t lied to him about something I should’ve been able to communicate with him about, things may have been a bit different. I’m trying to focus on the now, but it’s hard because I know I really hurt him. And now I’m hurting due to my lack of honesty. I wish I could take it all back. I just feel really guilty for how I went about things. He didn’t deserve anything like that.

I am trying hard to let go.

~L

Dear Anita,

It has been a rough day. Yesterday evening, I caved and called him. I haven’t done this in many years, but I practically begged to be able to see him one last time. I broke down and cried and cried on the phone. He said he didn’t want anymore hurt and if he saw me, it would just turn negative again. He said he couldn’t have a relationship at all because there was too much negativity between us now. It really hurt. I know I shouldn’t have called him to begin with. On that last note and conversation, I feel even worse. He sounded so calm while telling me he wished the best for me and that he would pray for me and my son and my family. The whole conversation he sounded calm while I on the other hand was hardly able to breathe and couldn’t stop crying. It finally got to the point where he said he would call me later so I was able to calm down.

But today, it was so hard once again. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I messed up in the first place by telling that lie.

I see what you mean by his pattern if we were in a relationship. I just felt like he was right in most of what he was saying to me. I did try to set boundaries when we began to communicate, but I guess I wasn’t able to stick to them. I believe it’s going to be hard to put him in my past because I really did want to have a future with him. And now that definitely will be no more.

I know one thing I have to work on severely is my communication skills. I thought I was able to tell him what and how I felt, but it seems like sometimes I just made things worse.

~L

Dear Anita,

So much has happened within the last week. And it all ended in a complete collapse of the relationship on my fault yesterday.

Last week I took my trip out of town. Since my ex and I were on speaking terms again, I didn’t want to have to explain I was going out of town to somewhere new, for no reason. The actuality was I was going to visit a friend, ex boyfriend turned friend for the last decade, of whom I had not seen in over 10 years. It was a spur of the moment trip I made the decision to do right after my ex broke up with me.

While I was there, I decided (wrongly) that it would be best for myself and my ex if I lied and just said I was working and with my family. He was already questioning my lack of communication and I didn’t want to explain where I was and why I was there. I knew already he wouldn’t have understood.

Yeaterday, after spending most of the day together trying to just talk and hang out, see if this could be something again, I ended up hurting him. It was not my intention. I had brought in clothes from my trip (don’t know why I still had it in my bag) and while going through them I found my plane ticket. I had meant to throw it away because I didn’t want him to see. Of course it was my blantant lie about the whole thing. I forgot to do so and he found the ticket. Rightly so, he got extremely angry. He went through texts and realized I lied and made me leave.

I called about an hour later to apologize, knowing full well, I shouldn’t have lied to begin with. During the phone conversation, he brought up everything again about why he broke up with me. How I could’ve just told him I needed to get away and I tried again to explain I didn’t feel he would’ve understood because of how he was acting two days into us talking again. He apologized for breaking up with me and hurting me. He thinks maybe I did this to get back at him, by intentionally leaving the ticket out. But, as mean as it sounds, it was something I didn’t feel I wanted him to know about because we aren’t a couple.

Im not writing any of this because I was right.  I know it was completely wrong of me to lie about anything. It’s hard knowing I ended up hurting him, maybe more than he hurt me. He did want to start over again, but my need to hide something I knew he wouldn’t understand and him find out about it unintentionally changed everything. My decisions were wrong and I in turn am facing the lifelong consequences of my actions.

~L

Dear Anita,

He called last night and we spoke at length. Although I had wanted to in person, he wanted to explain why he broke up with me. It’s pretty much what you described. He felt left out and ignored by me and my family. He said at one point, maybe he’s too needy. Since a day has passed and the conversation varied from subject to subject, I can’t remember the details unfortunately. He did explain again at length about my dad & his judgment, the weekend before we broke up and how he didn’t feel included at all.

Your first question. He never showed any type of jealousy. He understood that I was a mom as well.

The second question, I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want him to hurt, but if he does not believe I’m capable of being there for him like I’ve tried to be, I’m not sure what else I’d have to do. He said he felt he was putting in 100% and I was only giving 30%. And that it should’ve felt natural to me, but he said it didn’t seem like it was. I did apologize and explain it’s not as easy as it seems.

We did agree to meet when he returns in a few weeks. Then he’ll be leaving again a few days after that for I’m not sure how long.

~L

Hi Anita,

so his latest response is: How was our relationship before..

I now know exactly what you mean by this cannot continue through a text conversation. I’m going to ask, rather tell him I’d rather talk about it in person because it’s too hard to text about.

in regards to me seeing other men, I’m not sure what he’s on about. I never gave him any reason to think I was cheating or that I cheated. I know one of his girlfriends cheated on him. He said he took his little brother on a trip, but didn’t bring her along. So she cheated on him to get back at him.

My job is primarily with men. So he used to somewhat say things like, “were they flirting with you?” Or “it’s only you and him there?” Just things of that sort. And I’d always reassure him that he was the only one. I did cut contact with a few male friends actually.

~L

Dear Anita,

I’m not sure if you missed it but he did respond. I quickly posted it after my longer post.

he asked:  What where you being dishonest about..

I’m not sure how to word this but thank you so much. This is going to be a challenge because even with this question. I can’t think of anything I was dishonest with him about.

~L

Dear Anita,

I edited and sent. I guess like you’ve said before it’s up to him if he wants to resume/start new in anything. I don’t feel anxious. Still a bit numb to what his response will be and how this might play out. Is that weird? I thought I’d be floating with joy that he’s responding. I probably don’t want to get my hopes up.

I definitely do not want to resume a relationship if he thinks it’s not a good relationship. But one thing I do hope is he’s able to be honest with me about how he’s feeling.

~L