I spent my whole life (21 years) being afraid of everything, especially when it came to talking to people and being honest to and about myself. I didn’t even realize until a couple weeks ago when I started having strong panic attacks and became depressed because I felt incredibly lonely and like I’d been avoiding life forever. I know how you feel and I dont know a real answer. Meditation helped me a lot as I started to deal with my fear instead of surpressing it. Sometimes I would just lie in bed and let the fear wash over me without judging and resenting it. I always felt lighter afterwards.
I don’t know if you stop doing certain things because you’re scared – it’s what I do and it doesn’t help. Neither does torturing yourself by forcing yourself to do something. The most important thing is that you’re patient with yourself. You don’t need to understand all the causes of your fear right away, it’s complex. I don’t know, sometimes I feel we know more about ourselves than we want to see, going deep can be painful but liberating. For now, see it as a good thing that you recognized this fear and want to do something about. Get yourself professional help, you don’t need to go through this by yourself. Maybe tell a little bit more about yourself here, if that helps. Remember that you’re not alone!

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a rough time but I think you are doing a really brave and good thing for yourself by going to Ireland. 🙂 This is probably just what you need. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time and experiences and it’s important to see that doing things on your own can be just as fulfilling as with a partner or friend – probably more since you learn things about yourself you wouldn’t have thought possible before. Don’t beat yourself up about still missing him, it’s one step at a time. Getting out of your routine, starting to see things from a different perspective – that’s a very important step and you’re doing it. Planning a trip all by yourself requires courage and strength especially in a situation like that, so be proud of yourself! Remember you’re not alone. I wish you all the best ♥