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libertymojoParticipantI would like to sincerely thank those of you who took the time to read my post. All your comments made me think a lot as usual.
@ Matt: dear Matt you followed my posts since I discovered the TB community. I do not know you but I am always amazed how you are able to read me like an open book. Your comments are always dead on. My healing process is rather slow and still feel extremely fragile.Few months ago I was on my knees now I am standing straight but I am still not moving forward. Having these kind of encounters somehow showed me how insecure I feel, how the pain inflicted by my previous relationship is vivid.
Basically I am still dwelling on the past even if for an intellectual standpoint I know it does make any sense.
Meeting people who look so confident from the outside giving you lesson about how your life is not heading toward the right direction is not easy to deal with.
I promise you that I will look into the Metta Meditation.
@Lada: I am very touched by your comment. It was genuine, open and very sensitive. I am glad to read that you were able to get over your painful experience and eventually find yourself. The physical part of a relationship is crucial but not every male are just aiming only for this.Mental connection/interaction is at least as important as the former.After what happened to me I could not consider an other way than taking things slow but it seems that it is too old fashioned… go figure.
@Mayra Luna: Thank you very much for your support. I am not sure that I deserve all these nice comments. I try to be true and respectful (sometimes a little naive) when I interact with human beings.It is not about the person but more about what she said.Listening to her I am not reflecting anything positive, I could not be happy with my type of personality, I was not flaky enough to truly appreciate what life could bring me etc etc I have to admit that sometimes I should loosen up a little but I lost myself a year ago and those comments cracked my cuirass open not easy to build some confidence back up.libertymojoParticipantSeeking answers or just trying to convince myself that the way I react is
normal. I am glad that I found this post or maybe I am even more shaken…I think it is interesting to read about other human being stories and realize no matter where you are from, no matter which background you have when you truly love someone and it comes to an end it hurts so bad.
Quiet often you can read about how Males are more prone to move on and let go but you guys (including myself) are the living proofs that you should not put everyone in the same bag.Feelings are so complex and deep that in my book it is absolutely impossible to generalize.You can read, listen and even convince yourself that the world did not stop and somehow you will find a way to recover and move on. I am not sure that I can understand the former concept.It is not a question of being codependent but more related to what you lost, how this person was able to show you the world through a different lens and eventually help you discover a part of your personality that you did not know.
How do you cope with this lack? It looks like trying to get rid off an addiction you have to deal with the physical and the mental challenges on a daily basis and this roller coaster of emotions is draining, weakening pushing you again and again to this dark place that you wished you never had a change to learn about. How do you stop your mind dwelling on the past? How do you stop searching for this well being that once was fulfilling your life? Locking everything in a box, erasing pics, convincing yourself that it was not right one for some obscure reasons etc etc… At this very moment I call these tricksfooling your brainand if we are here it means that it does not work that well. At least right now I do not believe that you can replace someone either it means that you were not truly in love or you are the one who had decided to end up the relationship.
Is there a way to get over this ? I do not know. Being in this emotional chaos takes is toll and for most of us you can just hold onto your memories maybe this is not the best way to heal but when your world is upside down those are the only remaining landmarks.
Wish all of you the very best
LMlibertymojoParticipantMorning jdkm,
While I was reading your story I could feel your pain, my pain and probably the pain of many others.
My story is a little different I am a male and I did not decide for the breakup but my emotions are unfortunately so similar. This is what I like (dislike) to callUniversal pain.
Every human being is different but we are a selfish society where it is difficult to find the right person 9probably ourself) who can help you to cope and move forward.
Those days when you feel so disconnected, in so much pain (I used unbearable in a previous post but some of the members thought that it was an overstatement) and you mind is spinning so fast that you have to catch yourself just to be sure that you are sane are the worst because they are like a tsunami.
I do not have any good answer to give, I do not have any good advice otherwise I would have been over with my own heartbreak. I am not even sure that one day I will find this much needed mental peace. I just wanted to tell you that being sensitive is a beautiful thing, it is a gift a very painful gift sometimes but it is a way to stay human, to feel and care for others and these days this is rare and pure.
You are not alone in this process. I hope you (I) will find your way and will become stronger and stronger as days go by.
Stay who you are.
With much love and respect
LMlibertymojoParticipantFirst of all thank you very much for your answers or even the time that you took to read my story.
@Will: I did not want to offend anyone when I wrote about unbearable pain if it was the case I sincerely apologize. Obviously I am searching the web for somehelpmeaning that I am still on my two feet. By definition I am doing a meaningful job (I am a doctor) but maybe I should search to disconnect these specific needs from my professional life.
I did not want to give to much detail because it was the purpose of my initial post few months ago but to make a long story short my professional andlovelife were really interrelated.Lets say that I was fooled by the people who hired me changing drastically the initial plan. it was a domino effect my professional and personal life crumbled at the same time. I guess it was little much for me knowing that everything I fought for was gone in no time. Maybe I am weak but it is difficult to bounce back and claim that the show must go on. At this very moment I do not have anything to hang onto.
@Matt: I deeply appreciate your insights and the time that you took to help me. An outsider perspective is so valuable and I have to admit that I have not found the wisdom and the clarity to look at the situation the way you did.Once again I am not asking for a magic solution. I just want to get some clarity (closure) and try to focus the remaining of my vital energy toward the right direction because when every aspects of your life are falling apart it is difficult no to feel overwhelmed and lost. I have to admit that I am emotionally drained having a difficult time to recognize my former self pushing me into this survival/lethargic mode. It is scary and I feel paralyzed unable to make any steps forward to avoid aggravating my inner CHAOS.
libertymojoParticipantHey Meghan.
I have just skimmed through your website (need to look at it more in details).
It is an AWESOME idea !!!
Inspiring
CongratslibertymojoParticipantDear Lucy,
Thank you very much for taking the time to give me your insights.
I thought I gave the best of me but maybe it was just my way of assessing the situation.I am not sure anymore.
I am taking baby steps for so long now but it seems that I can not get closure. It feels more like a endless downward spiral making everything tasteless.
I feel totally empty. Practicing self compassion, self nurturing brought more pain and a sense of loneliness because I have to face my failures and weaknesses and look at my pain straight in the eyes. It is scary and seems unproductive. All my landmarks are gone and I entered this dark world against my will not being able to bounce back and find the light>
As everyone in this world I had my share of difficult situations but this specific event just broke something that I am not able to fix. Why should I try more? to pretend that I feel good with myself? to fool my soul? To experience this world on my own?The wound is there gigantic and it is a little deeper everyday. I can not see or maybe comprehend how feeling good with myself could help me.
Best to you
LibertyMojolibertymojoParticipantDear Smita,
I am truly sorry to hear about your pain. At this very moment I am probably not the best person to help you but your story touches me because somehow I am in the same boat.
I wish I could give you the best advice to ease your journey but I am still looking for the life line, the best way to survive and find my old self.
Before discovering this website I thought that I was just a weak man and the only way out was toman upbut after reading all this stories I realized that so many people are experiencing the same symptoms and I suppose the only answer is in you (us) we just have to find the key and hence be able to open the pandora box (easier said than done…).
Some members of this community took the time to get out of their ways to send me comforting words.
I would like to give back and send you some positive energy (at least the little that I have left). I sincerely feel your pain more than you can imagine but you are not alone.
I wish you some peace of mind
Take good care of yourselflibertymojoParticipantDear Catherine,
Thank you very much for your support and kindness.
I can fully relate to your experience with others. How can you feel/gauge someone else inner struggle? That is part of the reason why I searched some answers in this community.
I try to follow the advices and I am still amazed that so many human beings are just ready to help a total stranger.
To tell you the truth I have not found yet a way to stop the downward spiral. I have a hard time to mentally process my feelings and I cannot find the person that used to be strong, motivated always pushing his limits…
However I would like to tell you that your suffering is touching my heart and even if my keyboard may not heal your pain I send you all my vital energy in order to free your mind at least for a little while.I virtually walk with you in this dark tunnel lets hope that we will find the light sooner or later.
You are in my thoughts.
Take very good care of yourself.
LibertylibertymojoParticipantDr bodhisatva,
Thank you very much for your kind words.I obviously knew that I was not the only one but it is comforting to read that you can find human beings with good heart out there.
It is though and this journey is extremely uncomfortable to say the least. My emotional downs are very difficult to handle because I thought that I knew my body and soul pretty well but I suppose it was just a facade and I am a total ignorant.
At this very moment I just try to survive and take the best care of my patients otherwise I have nothing to hang on to and I am literally drowning. I still can not mentally process the overall situation.
I am glad that you are making steady progress and you have a positive spirit.
Good luck on the job quest brother, make the right decision
Be safelibertymojoParticipantDear beautiful strangers,
I am speechless after reading every posts that you composed.
When I wrote my few lines yesterday I was not expecting any of this. I was trying to open up a little and maybe making sense of something that my rationale brain could neither explain nor understand. This emotional no man`s land is terrifying.
Your words touched my heart and my soul.libertymojoParticipantI would like to thank from the bottom of my heart those of you who did read my post and those of you who even took the time to give me their insights.
I did read and re read and will read again and again your suggestions, your kind words and your wisdom. I was debating for so many weeks to write something I was just feeling weak, stupid and powerless but in few hours I learnt more about the human mind (my mind) than during my all medical training (very scary I know).
Even if I do not know you, even if it is via the web your point of views and supports were very much needed. Maybe it is childish to admit but I am scared.
I just want to clarify one specific point and I truly hope I did not offend anybody, When I wrote about my background I did not want to sound cocky because I am the opposite. I value and respect human life, I am not judgmental and like to learn from others. I just wanted to avoid the stupid cliche that my colleagues are giving me on a daily basis
doctor= good catch. I am talking about a human being with a broken heart, I am talking about pure love but they have a difficult time to comprehend.It is comforting to meet altruistic people.
Thanks again for taking the time to guide me.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 