fbpx
Menu

Lisa

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #361816
    Lisa
    Participant

    It has been exactly two weeks since this whole mess began and I’m in pain all over again. The same pain I felt when I heard the news that his family is in process of arranging his marriage. Everything I felt then I’m feeling now. I can’t stop crying and my heart is heavy.

    My friends seem to echo the same words “ it’s a process, you are healing, you will feel better with time etc…” .  I just want to speak to him, he always made me feel better no matter what the situation. I just feel so alone right now and I hate it.

    #361434
    Lisa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    I read your post last week but decided to take time to collect my thoughts before I wrote back. It’s been over a week since we broke up and I feel slightly better to respond.

    At first Upon reading I was angry- not at you , the idea that I could possibly have been used. I put my heart out so openly and I know how hard that was for me considering a few factors in my history.

    I also spoke to him and this conversation was not good either. He had completely shut off his emotions and instead carried on keeping himself busy with work. This made me think perhaps he had mentally prepared himself previously and I reckon this is why he was easily able to do this. Knowing him he might be sad also and he’s putting up a front to act like he is ok but at that moment I wanted him to be open with me. He also mentioned having already spoken to the girl too and it being a good conversation. This made me mad knowing that because of the situation I was unable to work, think, eat or sleep but he was acting like everything was fine. I realised I could not even call him out or yell at him or anything because he was  no longer mine. I told him I didn’t think we could continue a friendship seeing that everything made me so hurt and knowing he was going through with the marriage broke me.

    Early on in the week I remained angry and could not shake that feeling off. Angry at him mainly and angry that it all ended and I couldn’t control situations in my favour. I also felt immense guilt thinking that I will one day get over these feelings and I will be with someone else and ‘Dave’ will be nothing more than a memory. I spoke to my therapist saying this frightened me and made me feel guilty for needing to move on because I know I have to but I don’t want to either.  He is very much important to me despite everything that has happened and truly feels like it is a loss having to move forward.

    since then it has been better, I haven’t been crying and I began eating more and more everyday. I met up with a friend and I continue to have job interviews lined up. Everything still reminds me of him which makes situations saddening at times. During the day I am perfectly distracted and when I catch myself thinking about him I first accept whatever the thought and feeling is in the moment then get back to work.

    Evenings before bed is the hardest because that’s when we would speak and fill each other in on our days, say our goodnights and I love you’s. For the past year this has been a routine we had  completed this everyday without fail. This makes me miss him most, and I miss him right now it hurts. I know I won’t contact him and I told him not to contact me until I process everything  and start to feel better.  I know it was right to do this but it has been so hard on me. I began taking cbd tablets before bed to help with the sadness, anxiety and general overwhelming feelings that come during the evening. I hope to reach a stage where I won’t need them.

    #360581
    Lisa
    Participant

    Hi Noor,

    Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I appreciate this and that I can speak to someone who understands. I read your story and I am sorry you are going through this also. I am here for you.

    I guess with me it was hard because I was hesitant at the start, I knew I would grow to love him and that freaked me out. I was sensitive to the idea that he would leave me or something like this would happen so I was very much independent. It did help that we were long distance so I had my masters and Job to concentrate on and he had his studies. Nevertheless I did become vulnerable and open up to him and allowed myself to love him openhearted.  I told my friends and family about him and even stated he was the one I wanted to marry when the time comes. I always told proclaimed that I don’t want to marry or have kids mainly due to the fact that I have not seen a successive relationship in my family. people have stayed together but there are secrets and struggles within those relationships. Now I am embarrassed that I worked hard to trust and open up now is taken away from me. I have to go back to the same people and say it didn’t work out.

    I’m not sure if it is my negative thoughts or reality but I too realise it was never meant to last. Everything was intense from the start, like he told me he loved me 2 weeks into the relationship and I  a few days later. We shared so many things to each other from childhood experiences, dark thoughts, everything.  I wonder if this is what I will miss most because yes the physical was great but our communication was much stronger. I struggle in the evenings because that is when he would call and now I know I can call him because he will pick up but I don’t want to torture myself. He is very much sure that we will continue being friends but even believing that scares me because it might get taken away by his family or wife telling him that he should cut it off.

    I should also mention that before I began speaking to him I was on antidepressants which I stopped because it was affecting our sex. After an argument we had I realised I still had issues with my past to deal with that I was projecting on him so I began therapy. This helped so much during this lock down period and is possibly why I was able to continue working on myself without implicating or straining our relationship. I am yet to have a session with my therapist but I hope that they will assist me through this period too.

    Right now I am slightly drained and have been. I have deadlines for my dissertation to meet which has been hell because I simply cannot think straight. I’ve been up for a few hours and I haven’t cried either so that’s a plus.  Yeah…

    #360470
    Lisa
    Participant

    I’m going through this now. I have people telling me that it was inevitable and I shouldn’t be surprised. I have always avoided relationships because I feared getting hurt by the other person. This pain is worse because he didn’t cause it, his culture and family is something he cannot dismiss. We decided to end it because it will only get worse but decided to remain friends. I don’t know how I will do this because I love him so much. I’ve been crying all week, speaking to friends and family who are trying their best but they’re waiting for me to get over it. It was only ten months but we were in such a great place, such a great great place. It hurts thinking what could have been. COVID messed up so many couples and yet already being long distance  we were strong and handled it well. I want to speak to him but I’m told it’s better to not call or text. How long does this pain last?

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)