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I have a difficult time accepting what someone thinks is my truth when my reality contradicts the what they think.
I want to know why I am unwanted. The trouble is you can not answer that so you have to look to me even though I have felt this way since I can remember. I felt like I was an annoyance first, felt like an annoyance at school from teachers, felt like a tag along with “friends,” felt like a “loyal” friend who was only there to support someone else and be made to fee just glad I had them as a friend and make them look like the better person. I was a good person but everyone puts themselves above me. They couldn’t be equal to me…they had to be better and ignore thier faults like they had none. I am punished and right now I am in a fight with every saboteur heading my way to mess up my job and I have dodged everyone. Can I keep up that pace. They determined to make sure I mess up and open my mouth. That’s my problem I talk but I am encouraged by what is happening.
Sorry for my seventeen page thread. I post here because I have no where else I can talk about this.
There is nothing to write. There is no there there. There’s nothing, so it doesn’t matter what anyone chooses to do. My only existence is work and my room. If I didn’t have to make money I would stay in my room.
I just want to know why it has to be this way?
I am hated for my own pain.
I will be up all night and have to go to a job in the freezing cold in the morning and deal with someone who has zero respect for me. I’m ok to call last minute when someone else calls out. I’m ok when I get hurt at work. I’m ok when I am in pain. For all those things I am ok. The minute I stand up for myself is the minute everything is not ok. For the ones who think they got me beat and they know who they are…you can’t beat me. You can’t beat me and can’t control me which makes me nothing to you. I have truth and integrity and I’m not giving them up and that is why you will never win.
It’s a lot easier if bullies weren’t defended so much as being the poor little victums they are not. They are free to do as much damage as they can because people let them get away with it. As long as they provide them with something (praise, house, companionship…) they don’t care what they do to others. I wouldn’t put up with someone stepping over someone else which is why I am alone. I wouldn’t tolerate it.
My day started off hopeful but now all I can hope is for reason to win out in my country.
I am really upset right now and I am alone in my truth.
The men I would be interested in are never around. My experience has been being used, resented, ignored, yelled at, hurt, mistreated, worked hard, insulted…everything that I value about myself means nothing to them.
It’s hard to fake it when you have been alone as long as I have. I am intelligent enough to know that I have to get out more and make myself attractive but I am holding out for someone who sincerely likes me and wants to be around me and not for what he can get from me.
I think marriage is far too common. I think it should only be for people who really want to be commited to someone else otherwise it is cheap as far as I am concerned.
I don’t know how to create a love life…I am an intelligent woman and I do not know how to create a love life and unless you have experienced my experience you can’t possibly understand how I feel. I am sitting here tonight downloading a life coach app…the 2017 equivalent of going to the library when I was 15 and reading up on how to improve my life. I have been doing what I am doing tonight since I was in my early teens. If you know how old I am then you know how long, how many years, days I have spent trying to change my life. Many people, men and women may have struggled here and there with what I struggled with but you would be hard pressed to find someone who’s love life has been a complete 0. You can’t imagine how I feel. I feel cheated and punished. If I could have found one person who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me I would feel so different right now. Why do I have to be alone all the time when I don’t want to be?
I don’t want to waste my time dating men I don’t want to have a relationship with. I would know right away so dating is scary for me. I don’t want to date. I want to be married. I don’t want to pretend to like or reject anyone.
This is just an observance: Not only am I invisible but in the face of my strenous hard work, honesty, pleasing people, always wanting to do the right thing on top of being invisible I somehow am constantly corrected, reprimanded, or criticised in some way. Even when I try to mind my business in what is the entitled people’s world I am not even rewarded for my hard work, loyalty, dependabity, or honesty.
You and no one reading this has my experience of this because you are not at my side and also the people who say negative things to me choose to do so when no one else is around rendering me “it’s all in your head.”
Anita I can’t find anyone who doesn’t support the injustice because there is a payoff for people that do. They have families, friends admirers because they keep their mouths shut about what happens to true victums and spend most of their time complaining about what they are willing to put up with. Some women who complain are usually the ones taking care of their husbands and women who remain silent about everything are usually being taken care of.
Anita I am trying to respond but I am still not ready. Want to also respond to the other person who posted but have so much going on and haven’t had much time to myself other than to sleep.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 