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Alone

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  • December 21, 2017 at 5:08 am #183131
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    Consider not responding to the other member because he has turned “Anonymous”, see above, which means he is no longer a member, has checked out.

    Regarding women that get taken care of by men, financially, yes, there are plenty. But there are also a lot of women who are not taken care of financially by mean: many who are in relationships and many who are not.

    anita

    December 21, 2017 at 5:20 am #183137
    Lisa
    Participant

    This is just an observance: Not only am I invisible but in the face of my strenous hard work, honesty, pleasing people, always wanting to do the right thing on top of being invisible I somehow am constantly corrected, reprimanded, or criticised in some way. Even when I try to mind my business in what is the entitled people’s world I am not even rewarded for my hard work, loyalty, dependabity, or honesty.

    You and no one reading this has my experience of this because you are not at my side and also the people who say negative things to me choose to do so when no one else is around rendering me “it’s all in your head.”

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Lisa.
    December 21, 2017 at 5:32 am #183141
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    “the entitled people’s world”- not my world. If you read the many, many threads on this website, you will see many, many people who are not part of that … entitled people’s world.

    anita

    December 28, 2017 at 7:40 pm #184243
    Lisa
    Participant

    The men I would be interested in are never around. My experience has been being used, resented, ignored, yelled at, hurt, mistreated, worked hard, insulted…everything that I value about myself means nothing to them.

    It’s hard to fake it when you have been alone as long as I have. I am intelligent enough to know that I have to get out more and make myself attractive but I am holding out for someone who sincerely likes me and wants to be around me and not for what he can get from me.

    I think marriage is far too common. I think it should only be for people who really want to be commited to someone else otherwise it is cheap as far as I am concerned.

    I don’t know how to create a love life…I am an intelligent woman and I do not know how to create a love life and unless you have experienced my experience you can’t possibly understand how I feel. I am sitting here tonight downloading a life coach app…the 2017 equivalent of going to the library when I was 15 and reading up on how to improve my life. I have been doing what I am doing tonight since I was in my early teens. If you know how old I am then you know how long, how many years, days I have spent trying to change my life. Many people, men and women may have struggled here and there with what I struggled with but you would be hard pressed to find someone who’s love life has been a complete 0. You can’t imagine how I feel. I feel cheated and punished. If I could have found one person who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me I would feel so different right now. Why do I have to be alone all the time when I don’t want to be?

    I don’t want to waste my time dating men I don’t want to have a relationship with. I would know right away so dating is scary for me. I don’t want to date. I want to be married. I don’t want to pretend to like or reject anyone.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    December 29, 2017 at 3:57 am #184275
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    The title of your thread is Alone. I understand now that Alone is not only in the context of not being in a love relationship with a man and never having been in one, but it also means that you believe that you are the only one, alone in the world, who never had such a relationship and who feels the way you do:

    “unless you have experienced my experience you can’t possibly understand how I feel… you would be hard pressed to find someone who’s love life has been a complete 0. You can’t imagine how I feel”

    I think you are correct, that there are a few women, a very small percentage of women “who’s love life has been a complete 0” at your age, even way earlier than your age.

    I don’t know if you would have felt differently if you had a love life that brought you pain and a heartbreak. Do you think you would have felt better, just having something on your Love Life Resume, so to speak?

    You mentioned at different places on your thread that you are intelligent. As I know it, intellectual intelligence has nothing much to do with love and well-being. It is our Core Beliefs that matter most, things we believe from an early age that matter most. When some major core beliefs don’t fit reality, we suffer.

    anita

     

    January 1, 2018 at 8:39 pm #184617
    Lisa
    Participant

    My day started off hopeful but now all I can hope is for reason to win out in my country.

    I am really upset right now and I am alone in my truth.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    January 1, 2018 at 8:58 pm #184625
    Lisa
    Participant

    It’s a lot easier if bullies weren’t defended so much as being the poor little victums they are not. They are free to do as much damage as they can because people let them get away with it. As long as they provide them with something (praise, house, companionship…) they don’t care what they do to others. I wouldn’t put up with someone stepping over someone else which is why I am alone. I wouldn’t tolerate it.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    January 1, 2018 at 9:12 pm #184629
    Lisa
    Participant

    I can’t win against so many when so many won’t support what I fight for.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    January 1, 2018 at 10:10 pm #184641
    Lisa
    Participant

    I will be up all night and have to go to a job in the freezing cold in the morning and deal with someone who has zero respect for me. I’m ok to call last minute when someone else calls out. I’m ok when I get hurt at work. I’m ok when I am in pain. For all those things I am ok. The minute I stand up for myself is the minute everything is not ok. For the ones who think they got me beat and they know who they are…you can’t beat me. You can’t beat me and can’t control me which makes me nothing to you. I have truth and integrity and I’m not giving them up and that is why you will never win.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Lisa.
    January 2, 2018 at 2:13 am #184649
    Lisa
    Participant

    Someone takes away from me and wonders if I’m ok with that after the fact and I have to be ok with that to not upset someone’s boyfriend because if I am not ok with my comfort being disrupted than I would be labeled difficult by women who tell me to stand up for myself. Women should remain individuals but they don’t and they don’t mean what they say…only if you are standing up to people who can’t do anything for them.

     

    I have to go work for someone this morning who shows no respect towards me because I feel obligated to the beings I take of. When I stand up to him I do it alone. I shouldn’t have to stand up to someone when I am a good worker. Well welcome to the upside down world of 2018 where if you are honest and hard working you are a “problem” and a loser.

    January 2, 2018 at 2:53 am #184653
    Lisa
    Participant

    People in 2018 don’t care about anything that is “not my problem.”

     

    Of course I’m going to get blamed for everything and somehow it’s my fault I get treated disrespectfully. How dare I smile and say good morning…how dare I ask if I am in someone’s way…How dare I ask before I do something at another job I have…even if I was proven in the right to ask. I am just annoying everyone by my presence and I have to be completely fine with their disrespect and annoyance. You think the people who see the unfairness would speak up? Oh no….they don’t want to ruin their standing and reputation and the admiration they receive.

     

    I am sick of going into uncomfortable situation only to deal with someone don’t want to talk to. He can’t say anything to me today because I will not be able to be quiet.

    January 2, 2018 at 3:16 am #184655
    Lisa
    Participant

    Oh if I had enough today than it will be all my fault that I’m garbage to everyone I meet. No matter how pleasant and tolerant I am of other people’s 365 bad days. It’s all my fault I’m a complete nothing. I don’t play the game. That’s what I don’t do.

    January 2, 2018 at 5:08 am #184661
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    In your most recent posts, written over six hours, night through early morning, I am thinking, you wrote: “I am alone in my truth… I can’t win against so many…. For the ones who think they got me beat and they know who they are.. you can’t beat me. I have truth and integrity and I’m not giving them up… I’m garbage to everyone I meet.”

    if I wrote to you: Lisa, you are not garbage! You will not believe me.

    I responded as positively and empathetically as I could to your posts on this long thread, and yet, I made no difference in your thinking or believing. Not that I am surprised, but pointing it out.

    To you, I am one of the many who are against you, wanting to beat you. And you believe I too think you are garbage, no matter how often I wrote to you otherwise.

    So, you see, Lisa, I can’t win. I can’t win with you. If what I write to you does not fit with what you already believe, it will be dismissed and discarded.

    As a matter of fact, what is the point, I am wondering, of me continuing to reply to your posts. It is foolish of me, isn’t it, to continue to reply to you. What do you think?

    anita

     

     

    January 2, 2018 at 6:24 am #184681
    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita it is I who can’t win.

    It is your choice to respond to my posts and I am grateful for your input but you certainly aren’t going to lose by not posting in my thread. I am sure there are plenty that wish you wouldn’t. I am not one of them.

    You have many others on here I am sure say what you want to hear. I am sharing my truth which is why I chose to post under that title. I do not know how to be anything but truthful.

    January 2, 2018 at 7:17 am #184689
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    You are welcome to post anytime. I will probably keep reading your posts. I personally want you to keep posting and sharing your truth. As long as it is of some help to you, some relief, please do keep posting whether I keep replying to you, or not.

    Regarding me replying to you, the issue of my thinking here, this morning: just as you need to be truthful, to share your truth, I need to be truthful to myself. I am trying to figure this out right now, as I type this, typing-as-I-think:

    earlier on your thread I retold your story, wanting in doing so to let you know that your story matters, that I read it attentively, that I … saw that little girl you were in your room, alone… that you matter, valuable. And not Alone.

    I gave you all my input throughout your thread, all my thoughts and understanding. There is nothing more I have to give you (again, in the context of this thread).

    And all that I did give you, made no difference that I can tell. Now, am I being true to myself to keep offering the same old same old when none of what I already offered made a dent in your thinking and feeling, not a tiny one?

    Am I true to myself, to keep doing what makes no difference?

    I took a few moments to think about this. I figured in these few moments that if you ever wanted my input you can simply go back and read it in your seventeen page thread, there is a lot of it. You can read it anytime you want to, if you choose to. I need not repeat myself… yet again.

    And so, I will be true to myself if I don’t repeat myself. If I don’t, what will I wrote to you, what can I possibly type in future replies? I could reply with: “thank you Lisa for sharing” Or “I read your recent post and hope you will feel better soon”- would you like it, I am asking you, if I reply this way, short sentences like that, just to let you know I read your posts?

    anita

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