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Monk I would like to be open minded about my situation, I try to be open minded and I do read what people write and work it out. I am bitter and I do generalise when I am particularly upset. Am I prejudiced against all men? I don’t think I am, I don’t know. There have been a lot of men I admire whom I have never met but my personal experiences with them have not been so great. Even in the ones I admire I look for those flaws which do seem universal in the hope that I am proven wrong. I do believe that all people are individuals and the more individualistic a man is, meaning following his own path and not what impresses the world, is what I admire.
I have seen skeleton sledding. I am a huge Olympics fan. I would imagine it taking a lot of focus. I understand what you are trying to say about not losing focus.
I have tried to visualize myself with a man and creating the life I want but it’s very easy for me to lose focus because of my endless issues. In this particular area of my life I have been reading about “love avoidance.” Of all the things people do who have this problem, sabotaging relationships I am the queen of.
I will write down as you advise after visualizing myself with a man in a life I want to be a part of and keep telling myself that I can make it happen.
My reactions to men for me I have always felt have been in psychological self defense over feeling rejected or feeling guilty rejecting someone else. Acceptence overall in society is very important to me and I am overwhelmed by that.
I know the “men hate me” is what I think in my mind because I always thought that one man would come along and be different from most of the ones I encountered in my life but it seemed they were not interested in me and I slowly became more and more resentful, especially talking with the men who married women I knew.
I wouldn’t feel stupid at all visualizing something so wonderful. My only concern would be easily losing my focus and crashing right back into depression and bitterness again.
Thank you for the advice.
When you said the “feel” of it I thought of an older film called “Joe Versus The Volcano.” It wasn’t received well by critics and true it has flaws and can be downright silly sometimes but the core message is lovely and very meaningful. In fact I think the message is the star of the movie and overpowers everything…the acting, the comedy, the romance, the story.
Watching it is like looking into a snowglobe of something that is happening somewhere else and for a while you feel better. It’s kinda like Joe looking at his lamp in the movie, without giving away too much of the story.
Another great film is Amelie. I love that one but to find these stories you really do have to look to books and films.
Just to give you a live example of the story of my life. A man sitting next to me said hi to a guy going out the door and this guy sits down and talks to this gentleman. If I had said that to this man he would have probaly thought why is she saying anything to me? Just to let you know no he did not know this gentleman but to the guy going out the door he was a person. He was not measured on what he could do for the guy going out the door. If I spoke to him his first thought would probaly have been, “What can she do for ME?” Not interested in anything I have to say.
So he has a pleasant conversation with this man and then moves on….because he values him as a person plain and simple.
The small percentage of men who believe women are the stronger gender have been unfortunality let down in life to think that. Masculinity and feminity are equal in value. I would think that is a very small percentage.
As far as men thinking women are equal in value. Where are they? I have possibly seen them in public life but they are rare and extremely hard to find.
Most men recognize the power they have because women who are mostly out for themselves if we are going to be honest hand them that power on a silver platter. If they have a chance to be put up above other women they will certainly take it.
There are enlightened people but the people in my third paragraph unfortunality rule most of the world.
Women don’t like each other because they are competitors. I am one of the very few women who does not want to be a competitor. I hate when women turn on me because of a man and hate when men judge me because I have an opinion.
When I vent I use words in any way I like unless I am speaking officially. It’s artistic license. I am quite capable unlike many people I grew up with to change the way I express myself.
I would have liked to hear your thoughts on what I said but I will guess that you do not believe what I said to be true…if you want proof just look at every independant woman known to the general public. She’s ok if she keeps a low profile but she won’t make any top ten lists men make of women. The ones who do not keep a low profile are called openly excepted insulting names for women. If women do not except that this happens then these women fight alone which is demoralizing. I can actually hear men laughing at the fact that women do not support other women. They have room to laugh.
Why don’t people stop letting men off the hook? They put women in categories. The worthies and the unworthies and the unworthies better treat the worthies with respect or they will be in trouble. Don’t ever call out the worthies either. You will be attacked.
The worst thing about the feminist movement is the thought that everything masculine was better now men have more freedom than the ever did. They can treat women like recycling. They won’t get called out on anything and they dont love anyone forever but themselves.
The man who doesn’t talk to me….I have tried numerous times to engage in friendky conversation with him and I get plain answers or answering ss he is walking away. I am suppose to feel this is my fault??? His complete dismissal of me like all men do to certain women is all my fault?????
I could have bet money that men wouldn’t post on my thread. I know a man that I have to interact with everyday who never initiates a conversation with me because of a bit of truth I gave him in October. October. I have had people say awful things to me and the next day I would talk to them. I say something and I am dismissed eternally. A woman who we have to interact everyday has slowly made friends with the men while quite often being edgy with me that I felt she was trying to unerve me. It came to the point where I felt like I was made out to be the villian and I just shut down and avoided everyone. Well she is having a crisis right now and I am very concerned about her and we have been getting along because I have been trying to help her. I truly am concerned for her and I dont want to be selfish but no one gave me the freedom to be in a crisis by showing so much concern for me. Especially the men who seem to want to help her and I am nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if one man blamed me for her being upset. I am the horrible horrible woman but she is cared for. It’s not about not wanting someone else to be cared for but what about me? One man who is also going through a family crisis did speak pleasant to me but I think it’s because we have to get along. The other man will answer me plainly like I am a voice from the air but thats it. Nothing more. He is so concerned about the other woman and again this is not about not wanting him to be concerned…it’s about the complete dismissal of me. I was a pretty, talented, bright girl. All women that speak their mind are dismissed unless if course they make it on their own.
Thank you. If it wasn’t for here I would have no one to turn to. I am in a situation now where someone acted differently when talking to me than she did with others. Why should I even describe this…nothing makes a difference. I don’t know how a woman who never had bad intentions, loved school, wants friendship, romance, works hard can be in a position of not being respected by a boss of a low paying job, not secure in my home, ignored by men and manipulated by selfish women and tolerated being in a family, always thought the worst of, shown publicly that I am not worth what other women are worth and then being made out to be a villian for being upset about it.
I just have to talk. I’m tired of being told in actions that I am a nobody and I can’t be upset about it. I never valued money but I am thinking that maybe that would be the best thing for me. To have enough money to get away from everyone so I don’t have to feel hurt anymore. I wouldn’t have to see or interact with anyone. Unfortunality I have never wanted or valued money so I certainly don’t have it so I am stuck.
Idon’t know what to do.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 