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Lisa

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 276 total)
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  • in reply to: Choosing Love #373291
    Lisa
    Participant

    I would like to thank you Anita and the few kind hearted people who tried to help me. Most people knew I was nothing and stood by that. Anita you and others are very exceptional. Just know that. Unfortunality you and they are very much outnumbered. It’s like trying to hold up very heavy boxes. You can only hold them so long before you collapse. I know you are genuine Anita as well as a few others…to all of you I say thank you for caring.

    To all the ones out there who people think are kind hearted but are silent when another is attacked. Congratulations on your strategy. It has worked for you. You attached yourself to unfeeling people because they provided for you in some way and looked the other way while they attacked a nothing like me. Not only are you secure but you also have the privilege of being known as a nice person. Thank you for nothing.

    To all the people who prop themselves up above others and know when and who to pretend to be kind to and who to attack, you will not have that ability forever so enjoy yourselves. It’s the last thing I have to cling to knowing you will not be able to harm forever. You will not be able to harm forever.

    My only chance of survival now is to except my nothingness and be quiet among people. Writing is different because it can be a one way street and I can say what I think.

    I am very sorry it has to be this way but people who care about everyone are outnumbered.

    I am sorry Anita.

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #371947
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am sorry to be vague but it is senseless of me to write the details of something that is just part of the general theme of my life. Nothing comes of my hard work.

    in reply to: Choosing Love #371924
    Lisa
    Participant

    People bait me in so they can reject me over and over.

    in reply to: Choosing Love #371922
    Lisa
    Participant

    Despite quite a bit of work and hope and caring, nothing happy to report for me.

    in reply to: Choosing Love #355072
    Lisa
    Participant

    Didn’t reflect under topics is so appropiate for me. The forces that be.

    I have mistreated others which is what hurts me the most. I can’t see myself as anything but a victum. I was a good child and so many things worked against me becoming a good adult. The same people who abandoned me and tore away at my self esteem, rolled their eyes at me, betrayed me….all stand up and do not believe they should be held accountable for anything.

    I can not get over the person I became when it could have been different and I cry and cry and can not control or change my past.

    I can’t show suffering. I needed help a long time ago and they let me sink.

    I wasn’t strong enough to be good to the very few who loved me. They often annoyed the majority that hated me.

    You tolerate me Anita because you do not kniw me. You do not have to work with me or be in the same room with me.

    Everything moves too fast for me. When I’m upset, no one comes to me. When I’m calm no one comes to me, when appear happy no one comes to me. No one told me that I was not going to be loved by most.

    in reply to: Choosing Love #355024
    Lisa
    Participant

    What do you do when your suffering makes you hated even more?

    in reply to: Choosing Love #354242
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am not equal. There is a conservative habit of dismissing the difficulties of a group or person as to blame them completely for their what holds them back. No matter how much we do to you it is your responsibility to be successful. “Look at ____ .” They were able to do this or that.”

     

    Progressive minded people do the same thing when it comes to small scale communities. They value one person over another but they walk around as if they do not so you can not call them out on it.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #353670
    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita

    in reply to: Choosing Love #353650
    Lisa
    Participant

    My roommate’s dog died this afternoon. He was my friend. I would take him out and play ball with him and it was the one bright spot of my time right now. He died this afternoon after lying down. He looked like he was sleeping but no. He was just lying down and we didn’t know until we realized he had been lying there longer than usual. I am so sad right now. I just played with him this moring. He acted completely normal. Did everything he usually did. I cried when I realized he was gone but now I am just sad and lying here and feel so sad for my roommate. I immediately need to know why? He was an older dog but he could have surely lived a couple  years longer. I will miss him so much.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #353554
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am again put into a position where they use emotional blackmail and when they get what they want act like it wasn’t a big deal and do not put others in that same position.

    I am passive agressively criticized by some for what I was forced into who do not understand the pressure I was under.

    I am passive aggressively attacked by others who are not in my position.

    People who I thought were my friends play me because of my willingness to please them and concern for them.

    When I call out the selfishness of others on twitter I am brutally mocked for my age and that I am just jealous of women who only care about themselves on twitter.

    I wasn’t all that hurt by strangers on twitter. I’m used to being knocked by ignorant people.

    When I was a child I was curious and bright and I look back and wonder why I was so dismissed and bullied.

    I hear others get praise yet no one thinks I am strong for what I go through and if the group all believe the same thing I am alone.

     

    in reply to: Choosing Love #353444
    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita,

    I was not referring to you at all but if you are seeking an outlet I understand.

    in reply to: Choosing Love #353428
    Lisa
    Participant

    My politeness keeps attacks at bay and complete separation from any relationship that has to be according to unthinking people. So even though I remain alone I do not have to the full scale of attacks from bullies.

    Saying what I think warrants an attack.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #353398
    Lisa
    Participant

    No Anita, I am saying that I am being selfish and need information. I do not see the sharing of information as engaging. If someone needed my help I would properly inform them even though I am trying to avoid interacting with people. I do not have a problem with valuable information being exchanged. If I could avoid being a human being I would. I have no other choice but to interact. Despite my not wanting to connect I say I appreciate your input because it is the polite thing to do.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #353384
    Lisa
    Participant

    I have never completely understood the rich person who stays alone until now. Should this person go out and demonstrate and protest those who take up all the friendships and admirers that can accumulate? Should they protest their greed and their opression of others receiving admiration or friendships?

    I never cared about money but I wish I had a lot of it right now because at least it would protect me from people. I could live somewhere where I wouldn’t have to see anyone and spend time with nature.

    I don’t have money so I am trying to think of a way to be cordial but not engaged. That is even difficult because they always find a way to insult me and engage me. I want to think of people like I think of the rain. It’s just there but not engage with it. I am trying to avoid them in the rooms and be indifferent. I feel like they feel cheated if they can not hurt my feelings and if I do not want to engage with them they will engage with me and when I did want to engage with them they ignored me.

    As a poor person how do I can I pretend I am alone? I have to pretend because I do not want to engage with people anymore.

    This forum is not engaging. It is a source of information for me and for your sake I will say I appreciate it.

    Thank you

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Lisa.
    in reply to: Choosing Love #350120
    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you both.

     

    I am in deep distress and being conscious is torture right now. I don’t know where to put myself. I wish I had someone in my life to help me along the way. I wish I could talk to my family but every conversation has to be neutral and they don’t understand despair or circumstances.

    I don’t even feel capable of contributing anything via writing or drawing.

    I don’t know what to do.

    If only I had that one lifeline growing up. I would have made better decisions.

    I couldn’t make proper decisions because I never had control over anything.

     

    I am sorry, I can not feel better.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 276 total)