Zeeza,

Thank you for your supportive post. I like the ideas you presented and appreciate them.

I want to take care of pets when I have my own home and can be there most of the time. I do take care of other people’s pets though so I do spend time with animals.

I also do try the other things you suggest like music.

I believe in the title of my thread but I am not going to sound very optimistic right now.

I want to say that I appreciate your post and I am sorry it took so long to respond.

Thank you,

Lisa

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.

Anita, thank you for your answer. I do often feel the way you describe in my core beliefs but you can include women in the basic creep description as well. Insecure women have to passive aggressively take down others.

I appreciate your evaluation without knowing all the facts but I am not imagining bullying. I am very sensitive to it. My only problem is not being able to regulate my reaction to bullying through having experienced since birth and hormones.

I have had people I should trust play games with someone they think they can to get me out of work and friendships. To not acknowledge that these people exist only in my mind does not keep in mind my intelligence. I have a problem with emotional regulation because of almost constant hurts but my mentally abilities are too much intact. I often wish I was blissfully unaware that I would be a happier person. People flock around others with problems (name them) but they treat women with hormonal problems and bully victims like they have something they should stay far away from.

My biggest fantasy is to become very very very successful and go back to my places of work and let former abusers see they can’t do anything to me anymore and that I am untouchable.

What I was upset about yesterday was because someone bought something that upset me as a vegetarian. They made a big deal to tell me what it was they were buying. I had been in trouble the day before because I left work after a parade of women who couldn’t possibly be that dense gave me a really hard time and one yet again commented on something she knew would upset me.

Are there more people who are dense than I thought? I am starting to believe that. I always knew there were bullies but now I have to come to terms with this? No one puts up with my issues but I am supposed to be sensitive to everyone else?

My mental abilities have got me physically in a place where I am surviving. I do not have hallucinations.

Oh how I would love go quietly flaunt my success around everyone who pushed me aside and belittled me. How I would love to run the place and be their boss. I would treat them the way they should have treated me. Show them how they should treat others that they work with and make them work in an environment where they can not push anyone around.

Poor little bullies. What would they do if someone made them behave themselves?

Zeeza and Anita I will answer shortly. I am sorry to just be getting back to you..Thank you both for your posts. I will be able to respond in a few hours.

Lisa

Happy New Year Anita

My eating consists of Breakfast Lunch and Dinner and I sit down for all three. I have been doing very well and have a lot more energy. I am also following an eating disorder app that has helped me before and is really helping me again. It covers all eating disorders. Mine is emotional eating.

I have also rewritten my goals again. So many to work on but I am trying to consolidate. Whenever I get the urge to binge I think of what that keeps me away from and it has kept me in check. I am not starving myself. I am being extremely mindful of my choices and no junk food. I am also trying to make everything myself so not to rely on processed food. Drinking water too!

I am not sure if I shared this before but I have an even bigger obstacle in something called maladaptive daydreaming. I have been relying on this since I was around 12 years. Anyone who knows how old I am knows how long I have been using this coping mechanism. I am completely aware of what is real and what is not so it’s not delusional. I have however used this as a way of coping with my situation.

I do not engage in maladaptive daydreaming when I am with other people but a great deal of my time is spent on it. This is a challenge because I have become quite accustomed to it.

Well anyway, feeling good about mu eating habits right now.

Thank you Anita, I do have to think about what I can afford but how much has not going to therapy cost me? It might be worth it for me to pay. I definitely do not want to resurrect my old thread. I want to move away from my way of thinking and not entertain it. My way of thinking has created a very lonely life and a very difficult one. I understand what you are getting at by expressing my feelings it might be a help. It might help me at that moment that I do but in the long term it might not. I don’t know.

I do have my own opinions but sometimes I wonder if they have merit. I often think they do but because they are unpopular I wonder if they do?

I will get back to you. Work calls.

Oh dear, I am determined for this to be a positive thread which is why I have not made many posts. Lol.

I believe in the subject of this thread. I do believe in it.

Can I please get some advice on a scenario? I will try to summarize.

I am trying to get back into therapy. Last year I worked hard despite obstacles from a manager to get full time so I could be eligible for health benefits. After help from HR and another co worker I was told that I will keep the extra hours I was working full time and I could sign on for health insurance. So I have now been able to see a primary care doctor, eye doctor etc…I am now trying to see a therapist for help with my interpersonal issues.

I wasn’t sure about the therapist because I have not had much luck with therapists but I met her and she was very nice. The whole office was nice and it had a comfortable atmosphere. All very important to me. The initial visit cost 3 times more co pay than I thought but I took it in stride and went into my session. I also found out that my next session would be even more because of insurance rates going up then the following sessions would the same as the first. I am a long way from meeting my deductable which is a certain amount of money you have to pay out of pocket before the insurance company will cover certain costs. Part of this is the money taken out of my paycheck every week now. So I get some help but not the maximum they offer until they get a certain amount if money. After that insurances still do not pay for everything.

Well I of course I am upset over this and spend the half an hour I paid a lot of money for crying over how difficult it is for me to get help. She tried to give me alternatives or maybe seeing her 2 times a month or once a month. A wall goes up when I hit yet another obstacle for me. Because I was late the session was also a half an hour and not 45 minutes.

Should I call her back and maybe see her 2 times a month? I can critique her as a therapist because I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her. The only thing that bothered me is she let me control the conversation which is not going to get me anywhere because I won’t let go.

I will only post in this thread when I’m happy or even which is what I am right now. Sometimes I just need a little clarity. I absolutely believe in the subject of this thread.

Thank you. ?

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.