Zeeza and Anita I will answer shortly. I am sorry to just be getting back to you..Thank you both for your posts. I will be able to respond in a few hours.

Lisa

Happy New Year Anita

My eating consists of Breakfast Lunch and Dinner and I sit down for all three. I have been doing very well and have a lot more energy. I am also following an eating disorder app that has helped me before and is really helping me again. It covers all eating disorders. Mine is emotional eating.

I have also rewritten my goals again. So many to work on but I am trying to consolidate. Whenever I get the urge to binge I think of what that keeps me away from and it has kept me in check. I am not starving myself. I am being extremely mindful of my choices and no junk food. I am also trying to make everything myself so not to rely on processed food. Drinking water too!

I am not sure if I shared this before but I have an even bigger obstacle in something called maladaptive daydreaming. I have been relying on this since I was around 12 years. Anyone who knows how old I am knows how long I have been using this coping mechanism. I am completely aware of what is real and what is not so it’s not delusional. I have however used this as a way of coping with my situation.

I do not engage in maladaptive daydreaming when I am with other people but a great deal of my time is spent on it. This is a challenge because I have become quite accustomed to it.

Well anyway, feeling good about mu eating habits right now.

Thank you Anita, I do have to think about what I can afford but how much has not going to therapy cost me? It might be worth it for me to pay. I definitely do not want to resurrect my old thread. I want to move away from my way of thinking and not entertain it. My way of thinking has created a very lonely life and a very difficult one. I understand what you are getting at by expressing my feelings it might be a help. It might help me at that moment that I do but in the long term it might not. I don’t know.

I do have my own opinions but sometimes I wonder if they have merit. I often think they do but because they are unpopular I wonder if they do?

I will get back to you. Work calls.

Oh dear, I am determined for this to be a positive thread which is why I have not made many posts. Lol.

I believe in the subject of this thread. I do believe in it.

Can I please get some advice on a scenario? I will try to summarize.

I am trying to get back into therapy. Last year I worked hard despite obstacles from a manager to get full time so I could be eligible for health benefits. After help from HR and another co worker I was told that I will keep the extra hours I was working full time and I could sign on for health insurance. So I have now been able to see a primary care doctor, eye doctor etc…I am now trying to see a therapist for help with my interpersonal issues.

I wasn’t sure about the therapist because I have not had much luck with therapists but I met her and she was very nice. The whole office was nice and it had a comfortable atmosphere. All very important to me. The initial visit cost 3 times more co pay than I thought but I took it in stride and went into my session. I also found out that my next session would be even more because of insurance rates going up then the following sessions would the same as the first. I am a long way from meeting my deductable which is a certain amount of money you have to pay out of pocket before the insurance company will cover certain costs. Part of this is the money taken out of my paycheck every week now. So I get some help but not the maximum they offer until they get a certain amount if money. After that insurances still do not pay for everything.

Well I of course I am upset over this and spend the half an hour I paid a lot of money for crying over how difficult it is for me to get help. She tried to give me alternatives or maybe seeing her 2 times a month or once a month. A wall goes up when I hit yet another obstacle for me. Because I was late the session was also a half an hour and not 45 minutes.

Should I call her back and maybe see her 2 times a month? I can critique her as a therapist because I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her. The only thing that bothered me is she let me control the conversation which is not going to get me anywhere because I won’t let go.

I will only post in this thread when I’m happy or even which is what I am right now. Sometimes I just need a little clarity. I absolutely believe in the subject of this thread.

Thank you. ?

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Lisa.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Lisa.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Lisa.

Thank you Anita. Sorry it took so long to reply.

Mandelbrot, Sure I am happy to share my journey with others.

I wish for love to come into your life as well.

I also want to emphasize that this thread is open for anyone at anytime who needs help along the way in this journey. I am very interested in hearing from you and others and make this a helpful, positive thread.

Thanks!

Lisa

Anita yes, I am going to say affirmations everyday to tell myself that I am not inferior to other women. I mean I have to be honest, that is how I have felt.

I have to also stop thinking everyone is up on this pedestal because believe it or not that has caused me to say hurtful things to them because I feel people are so much more powerful than I am. I feel as if they can not be bothered by me and what I say is of no consequence to them. I felt as if I have the right to express anger at leisure because of my “doomed” situation.

I don’t know if that makes any sense but I am moving forward.

Lisa