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littlemissbuddhaParticipantmy boyfreind behaved the same way. he was secretive, different around me etc. i thought he was the nicest man in the world, a real saint. he used to tell me “i love you” at;east 100 times a day. i never thought the following would happen:
turns out he dint want to be in the relationship but was afraid of hurting my feelings so never said it. he had already told everyone else we had broken up 8 months ago. i came to know much later. also came to know he was secretly having crush on 4 other girls. now we are finally breaking up.
littlemissbuddhaParticipantstop counting on him.
stop relying on him.
become independent.
don’t expect much from him.give it another shot for your kids but do not have the same level of faith or expectation from him as you may be crushed again otherwise.
littlemissbuddhaParticipanti know what you mean. my ex-boyfreind also dumped me after 4 yr relationship and was in love with another girl within a few days.. people can be very heartless. god bless us who are committed and still recovering.
littlemissbuddhaParticipantyou’re an amazing woman. im going through a very similar thing with my 4.5 yr relationship. you’re courage inspires me.. may i ask, where you turned for wisdom in these dark times?
May 15, 2013 at 10:49 pm in reply to: How do I come out of this never ending circle of Mental Torture? #35673littlemissbuddhaParticipantHi, I have actually been in a very similar situation myself. In my relationship for more than 4 years, first 2 years I have behaved similar to your girlfreind and now in the next 2 years my ex-boyfreind is behaving similar to her so i can give you opinion from both persecptives.
1. you are afraid of confrontation and hurting her feelings (which is awesome) but because of that you havent been able to tell her and show her how much shes hurting you and how you feel. TELL HER. sometimes people dont realize these things. when they do, they change. by not telling her, you’re robbing her of the opportunity of rectifyin her mistakes. you’re just growing resentment inside of you and she probably isnt even aware shes hurting you so much! if you can’t say it write an email. BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL HER. its your only hope to salvage whats left of this.
2. im currently dealing with an alcoholic, abusive and infidel relationship, which you have also commented on post about. what helped me was taking 5 mins to imagine what my life would be like if we did get married and spend the rest of our lives together. JUST IMAGINE. if you do, you cant escape each other for weeks. will she break all contact with the other guy? will she keep thinking about him or how her life could be with him? will she be there for you? how will she behave with your parents? will she continue to abuse you? will she leave you and go if another job comes up somewhere else? after imagining what life would be like with her, think – IS THIS THE KIND OF LIFE YOU WANT AND DESERVE?
littlemissbuddhaParticipantThank you so much for helping me!
You are absolutely right. You have helped me define whether or not to break up based on whether it is a one time thing or a habit but am still not able to figure which one it is:
He has abused me 4 times in the past 6 months verbally. In fact the last time that he did was the night right after he told me about his love for another woman. I expected some remorse or guilt or him to ask for forgiveness but instead he got drunk again and abused me.He has been drinking continously since past year and despite repeated promises to stop and even taking an oath in front of god in a temple that he will not drink, he has gone back to his old ways.
What is counted as a habit and what is a one off mistake?You’re right. Maybe this relationship will make me value the more beatuful relationships in my life yet to come. Thanks so much for your guidance.
littlemissbuddhaParticipantThanks so much for replying. I was thinking about that but help me out with 2 things:
1. I am not comfortable faking anything. I am the worst liar in this world and won’t be able to do this
2. Even if i do so, that means i would be waiting/hoping for him to change and come back for many more months and it would not help me move on
What do you think?littlemissbuddhaParticipantThank you so much for responding Tracy!
Journaling is a great idea! In fact ive been adviced by my therapist to do the same and I’ve already started. As i dont have anyone to share my feelings with anymore, I share it in my journal.
It really helps me to think: “You love him enough to let him go and find his way through life.” I don’t think he wants me in his life anymore, so he would be happier to just let me go. His life and freinds are very different from me. They make fun of me for not being “cool” like them by drinking, hooking up etc. And on their behest my boyfreind has started making fun of me too. One night when he was drunk he started singing a song: “You are laaaaammeeeeee (lame) etc etc” and calling me a loser. I think he’s embarassed of me. So he’ll be happier if I’m not in his life.
Even my mom says the same: ” He will keep doing what he’s doing to you the longer you stay with him.” She says my whole life will be a series of lies, abuses, drunken nights, cheating etc.
I want this to change. I just want some peace and sanity in my life. God give me strength.
littlemissbuddhaParticipantThank you so much for your response. Apologies for not replying earlier I was having an emotional breakdown.
You’re right.. I am unwilling to let go. I’m not a very strong person. And despite what my boyfriend did, I do love him very very dearly. I keep thinking maybe I should give him another chance..
You’re right about him not being a child and me trying to control his behaviour. I never thought of it that way, will stop telling people when they’re wrong.Have read your blog, thanks for the link!
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