Hi ajack379

Regarding the cheating, I do believe you were trying to sabotage the relationship out of fear of intimacy. Maybe that way you felt you were in control (as in possibly ending it on your terms). My concern is that you might do this again if you feel threatened. So unless you have seen the lesson in that fear it could happen again at any time. I would like to say again that this does NOT make you a broken or bad person. I have come to realize that these deep seated fears are very powerful, UNTIL we challenge them. Once we see them for what they are, they have no more power over us.

The way I deal with my fears is that first they surface into my consciousness at some point. When that happens, or when I am in a situation that triggers the fear, I set my intention to determine what is underneath that fear. I’ll wait until I get home. Then I sit down, and relax, taking deep breaths, until I feel calm. Then I think back to the exact situation that caused the fear, and I can feel it rise in my body somewhere (maybe my heart, maybe my gut). Then I imagine myself in a bubble of Light, knowing that nothing can harm me. I then imagine looking at the fear, and I ask why? What are you trying to tell me? I then listen for an answer, and then something pops into my mind. That is the next layer. Then I ask again why? I wait for the next thing to pop into my mind. And I keep on doing this until I feel that the last answer I got is the one that is the core issue. You just get a feeling that you’ve dug down to the bottom of it.
This process requires you to be very honest and vulnerable to and with yourself. I can say, without any feeling of shame, that I have often cried while doing this. That’s perfectly okay. So is feeling sad, shouting, feeling angry, etc. Just work through the emotions, because they are telling you how you really feel about something. Often the core feeling is being ashamed of something we did or let others do to ourselves. Shame is an illusion. Often we could not help what happened to us. Be kind to yourself, and just go through the process. You deserve to know the truth. You deserve to be happy and loved. We all do. But the important thing is that you set the intent to find the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that may be. I can guarantee you that you will feel free and liberated once you have seen the truth about a certain fear or situation.
And then you’ll be ready for the next layer. It never ends, but we get stronger and closer to the truth with every layer we peel off.

Hope this helps. There’s also so much information on the web about this process. It’s not the only process. It works for me. Something else might be better suited for you. But set your intention to find the truth, and then let Life lead you to the tools and solutions you need. Remember, Life always wants to help us, not hurt us.

Hope that helps
Gunter

Hi Allicia

First off, I wold like to say that ending your life is not an option, for the following reasons:

– You’re too beautiful a human being for that
– from all the spiritual articles I read I understand that ending your life will not end the challenge. You will have to repeat it again.

So, like all of us, you are facing a challenge. I have gone through major life challenges myself (divorce, lost Love, autistic child), and this is what I have learned:

– These challenges are never ever there to punish us, They are always there to teach us something.
– You would not be faced with this challenge if you did not have what it takes to master it and learn from it

I went through a lot of misery after my divorce, and it’s okay to feel down. But that is what made me strong, because I had to question who I am, what I REALLY want to do in life. Ultimately we need to decide what we want from life. No one can live it for us.
It sounds like you know what your passion is (art). Is there a way you could do architecture and art at the same time? Maybe you could take some art classes for maybe 2 nights a week, and see if that is what you really want to do. I believe your Soul is sending you a very clear message that you are not doing what you really want to do. Our passions tell us in what direction we need to go, so you do have the direction (art), which is great.
Your parents are of course concerned, as any good parents would be. They want you to be secure in life, because that’s what all parents want for their children. But it’s your life, not theirs. If you hate architecture so much now, that’s not going to change once you have your diploma. You will still hate it afterwards, and still be faced with the same challenge.
This is a decision that you need to make. I do not know if you believe in God or not, but I can tell you that I prayed a lot for guidance when I was down, and I did get the answers I needed when I needed them. You are not alone, ever. There is ALWAYS someone watching out for us. If you open your Heart and ask for guidance, I do believe it will be given to you.

It sounds like you have a real passion for art. Many people don’t even know what their passion is. You do, which is awesome, and it would be such a shame to waste that talent. Shine your Light, the world needs it.

God bless
Gunter

Hi Charlotte
I can understand your frustration and pain. And while I have not been in a same sex relationship (I am straight), love is love, no matter between what genders.
There is one thing that got my attention, and I quote:

“Upon hearing about this, she got very upset, saying she doesn’t want me to move away and be alone and without her taking care of me. She wants us to be within reach, so that whenever I got stressed and upset she could cuddle/be here for me. I know she is genuine in her intentions in ‘looking after’ me – that’s the way she has always been, very warm, caring and loving.”

She seems rather insistent on wanting to look after you. Does she not trust that you can make your own decisions? Is she expecting you to fail? Also, it sounds like her need to “look after you” is a very great need. I am wondering if this is an issue with one of her parents. Did her mother “take care” of her to the point of smothering her? Maybe she heard the message at home that she isn’t good enough, and that mother will always be there to take care of her.

Anyway, I think you should let her know how you feel. It is your life, and each one of us must live it as best we can. And if she understands, she will give you all the support you need for YOUR journey, because that is what a genuine friend / lover would do. They would want you to succeed and be happy. If she can do that, I think your friendship would become even deeper, even if you are not physically closely located to one another.

Good luck on your path.
Gunter