Hey Archie,
I’m really sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my grandfather to cancer and I saw what it did to my family as it was happening. It’s very tough and I wish you all the strength in the world.

That being said, you are so normal you have no idea. Archie, when I turned 23 I was about to graduate college. I was always the happy go lucky guy who loved laughed and had a great time doing anything..until one day in my apartment at school I had d complete and total breakdown. I was paralyzed, shaking, crying and a total emotional mess. It was one of the worst days of my life. So bad I had to drive home and leave school for a week. I had no clue where it came from or why it happened. Thus it started my dysfunctional relationship with anxiety and occasional depression. You’re not weak or crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re basically experiencing the feeling of knowing that you will no longer have guidelines keeping you in place. From the sound of things you’re a lot like me in that I took so much comfort in having rules from my parents and school. It was like “I don’t have to do too much thinking because the rules are laid out for me”..but man, when you realize that you are responsible for you…how scary is that??!! Well, I’m 33 years old and I’ve made leaps and bounds with the issues that I’ve shared with you. I own a house, have a girlfriend, have a successful career (that I’m not even so sure I like) and I’m living the adult life while still going to concerts, hanging with friends, having a beer or two and watching movies etc. What’s helped me more than anything was that I talked to a therapist who turned me on to meditation. I too don’t like to show my feelings or weaknesses so this was a huge and scary step for me..Archie, it was the best move I ever made. Sure I didn’t feel too macho at first but after the first few sessions, I couldn’t wait to go back. I never took medication or anything like that, I just learned philosophies that have guided and continue to guide me through hard times. Read The Power of Now by Tolle and Wisdom in Insecurity by Alan Watts. Meditate and most importantly, don’t think you’re weak or crazy. You are experiencing what most of us experience when we’re about to hit the real world…but also, remember the real world is whatever you want to make it. Hope that helps my friend..

-G

Yohannes,
You ARE special. You do have gifts to offer the world. The world can’t function without you. Consider this, you had the strength to post this topic and reach out for help…someone somewhere is going to read this and realize that their struggle isn’t specific to them. They’re going to identify with you and it’s going to bring them comfort far greater than any degree or job you could have had. We all place so much emphasis on our achievements that are career based. Careers and education don’t mean an damn thing Yohannes. Don’t pile up so much unfair pressure on yourself. I have been in some extremely dark places..a lot like where you’re at now and you know what gets me out of them?? The friendly mailman at the post office, the panhandler giving me a smile when I give him a dollar, the guy at the gym who strikes up a conversation with me about nothing in particular, the girl in the elevator at work taking about how she wishes it was Friday. None of these people are rocket scientists, they’re just regular people doing the best they can. Please Yohannes, don’t hold yourself up to some kind of standard that doesn’t exist. I took a class on stress and anxiety reduction and 90% of the folks in it were doctors and lawyers, what’s that tell you?? Career and money mean absolutely NOTHING. I met a shoe shiner in New Orleans, he would make a few bucks a day, enough to live on and he was the happiest guy in the world..not because he was so successful but because he didn’t let life and comparisons get on top of him. I promise you Yohannes, you will bounce back and feel great, then you’ll fall back down and fell bad again…and so forth and so on. That’s life and that’s the way it’s supposed to be but you can reduce the negative reverberations by just doing the best you can and patting yourself on the back for doing so. And honestly, if you have trouble giving yourself a break, don’t beat yourself up about it, we all do it. I do it all the time but I try my best to stay mindful of the fact that I’m being hard on myself or I’m comparing myself to others, etc. The law of science and nature isn’t a theory, it’s a fact..nothing can stay the same forever. No matter how badly you get down on yourself, you will bounce back. That’s just life. I know we don’t know each other but I have so much love for you and your suffering Yohannes, but more than anything I believe in you. I really do. You’re stronger than you think my friend. Everyone who replied to you genuinely cares about you because you are an honest and sincere person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. You probably don’t even realize how difficult that is to embody those characteristics. And as far as what you can offer to your girlfriend…you can offer her your honesty, your heart and your caring. In this world, those are the hardest things to come by and you appear to have that in spades my friend. You should be proud of yourself. Sending you lots of love and strength my friend.

-G

Greetings Mark,
First off I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I couldn’t imagine the pain you must have felt. Also, I hope your father’s health is better since his stroke. Those are some heavy hits to take so close together in time.

That being said, I do have experience in what you’re talking about and it’s not easy and very confusing. Not sure if you wanted my take on your situation but I’ll give it to you, if you wish not to read it, I apologize in advance. I’m not a particularly religious guy but I always think of a passage that I hear read at weddings. I don’t know who wrote it or the whole thing but the gist of it is “love is always patient, love is always kind, love is never jealous etc etc”. I call on that idea when I hear my friends having relationship issues as well as my own past issues with a girl that was/is next to impossible to get over. If this girl was right for you she would have stuck it out. When you truly care for someone that’s just what you do. Imagine if you got diagnosed with cancer…do you think this person would stick around or would you become too much of a burden for them? I used that scenario for myself and figured the girl that I was hung up on probably wouldn’t have. Honestly Mark, it might not even be her that you’re holding on to..it’s most likely the sense of security you felt with her when you were going through one of the two toughest times a son can go through. I wouldn’t give her the credit of being this amazing girl…I would give a lot of credit to the idea that you turned her into. Again, this is just my opinion as I did the same thing for a very long time. Mark, you sound like an awesome guy who is caring, loving, sensitive and strong..if someone doesn’t recognize that in you, it’s not your fault. In my situation, I completely cut off contact with the girl. I was always tempted to reach out to her but I stopped myself, maybe try that out and see if it does anything for you. Hang in there buddy. You’re not the only one.

-G