Hi Anita,
Apologize for the late reply, didn’t notice there’s a 2nd page. After reading your comments, it becomes clearly on the reason of my ‘inadequate’ needs in my relationships. I am not given much attention and love in my childhood and thus, I pinned all my dreams and happiness to the man of my life, never realizing these causes stress to the man, which kills the relationship.

I beginning to be more aware of my ownself, beginning to see the core reasons of the failure of my relationship. If I am still not out of these ‘trauma’ in my childhood which are still haunting me even now, I will never get into a healthy relationship.

Thank you Anita. I will find out more about competent psychotherapy.

Dear Mark

I am sorry to hear this. Maybe I am still in the denial stage of moving on. 2.5 years may not be long, or short, but I have a lot of ‘first time’ activities with him. Those memorie and gestures, it’s already part of my life. The effort on how he planned the to have the best memorable road trip to the US last Nov was burned inside my brain.. I can see he is really working very hard on top of his hectic work life. He gave me greeting (belated bday, Xmas and valentines)cards with love messages written on the cards just recently etc. Somehow, I felt cheated when he told me he still loves me but he had planned to break up with me way long ago. My cousin told me he loves me, but don’t love me enough.

Hi Anita

Well I was the one who initiated the argument. Most of the quarrels were about jealousy, insecurities, he having not much time for me. Etc, after I realized these are ruining the relationship, I began to change. I tried to control all these negativites and began to communicate more and tell him more about how I feel, how we can improve things, that we can try to do smth to see if it could work.
After the quarrels, once we cool down, we will apologize to each other and tell each other we still loves him/her. After a night sleep, we will be back to normal.

@Inky

Yes, I longed for such guy who treats me like how I treated him. I do admitted I felt inadequate in this relationship and thought that’s how he express his love. He told me to love myself more. I wonder if he is telling me to treat myself better by looking for someone who is more suitable for me.

I still loves him very much though.. the memories, his genuine care and concern. Can’t believe all is gone.. I kept blaming myself for not doing enough, for not being a better person for him…

Thank you for the advise. It did triggered my thoughts abit (though am still grieving)