Hey Steve,
I understand your frustration. It’s hard to feel undesired when you just so desperately want to find a good relationship to be in. With that said, I think you need to slow down and take a step back. Your frustration and desperation towards the situation is what I believe your problem is. Those negative emotions are always going to yield negative results for you. Your mindset isn’t focused on finding what you’re looking for, your mindset is focused on what you don’t have and your ego craves that ‘woe is me’ attitude. The more you think about how you don’t have what you want or how low your self-confidence is the more those negative emotions are going to grow. Your thoughts create your reality and in turn, begin to shape who you become.

Consider for a moment that sometimes finding that one person requires effort and work? Have you ever given up on something you loved this easily? If you’re honestly willing to give up, then give up because that feeling is telling you that you don’t want it enough. If you truly know what you want then nothing should stop you. You should be willing to overcome all obstacles for the things you truly want. It doesn’t sound like a question of not being desired by the opposite sex, it sounds like a question of your motivation behind wanting to be with someone. People will only value and appreciate you if YOU appreciate and value yourself.

If you’re using women to feel good about yourself or just trying to hook up, then you won’t find a good relationship. You won’t find a decent woman that way. Intelligent, strong women don’t want to be a crutch. They want a partner in crime. I mean, would you want to be with someone who just used you to feel good about themselves? Using anyone in that way will come back to bite you. I assure you, Karma is a very real thing. But, if you’re truly a good guy and have good intentions behind this, then return to your outlook on this situation. Make it a positive one.

Almost man goes through what you’re going through, including myself. If you choose to learn from this experience it can teach you to appreciate the woman that does give you her love and trust, it can deepen your understanding of what you truly want, who you truly are, and what you’re willing to do for the things that matter to you. This experience is a mirror, a reflection of you and your intention, and instead of criticizing what you see, accept where you are right now and choose to grow stronger from it. A good woman deserves a good man and if you don’t know if you’re a good man or not, you’re not ready for a relationship like that yet.

When you can be effortlessly feel confident in who you are, where you are, and sure of what you want, the things you truly want will naturally start to take form in your life. So, be patient, love yourself, know what you want, and be sure that you can handle the responsibility of being in a relationship. Do that and I know you will succeed.

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you need any more advice.

Hey Doremi,
I can tell that this has been taking a lot out of you and I’m sorry that this has been taking away from your happiness. Your ability to persevere is what is causing the problem though. The problem lies in you choosing to accept how you feel about the company. Take responsibility for your feelings and realize that you have the power to change them. There are a few ways you can fix this but first you need to understand that your desire for money and a job title will never lead you to happiness. That only comes from within. You need to find some type of hobby that you can do before and after work that centers and relaxes you because it seems that the anger you feel towards your company is depriving you of living your life. You need to understand how serious this is.

So firstly, if this job is truly what you want, you need to be relentless in your pursuit for advancement. Work harder, show up earlier, leave later, constantly bring it up to your manager and managers manager that you’re ready for more responsibility. Your manager may be threatened by your skill level and may not want competition or maybe he’s just oblivious to your desire for expansion. Who knows. What I do know is that if you keep this up, you’re going to run yourself into the ground. Understand that. Find the joy in what you do by any means necessary because you deserve it. Also, realize that the person you’ll become is the person you are now. Would that person let their manager take away their drive to succeed or would that person work even harder despite these challenges?

Secondly, if this job is not worth the effort, figure out what you would find joy in doing and go get it. The longer you sit in this state of uncertainty and doubt, the worse it’s going to get. Instead of spending your time procrastinating and depressed, look for jobs, push yourself to exercise and get mentally healthy. I know it’s hard to find motivation in a mindset like this but it’s crucial that you use your ability to persevere for the right reasons but only you know what those reasons are.

Good luck with this and always remain hopeful and positive. Be strong and relentless in your pursuit of your dreams.

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Use it if you need more advice.

Hey Holly,

It’s not possible to understand why people make the choices they do. Even though you feel you deserve an explanation, you’re not always going to get it- that’s just life, unfair as it may be. Understand that his choices are his own and you need to respect those choices regardless of whether you agree with them or not. Doing this will help reduce your desire for an explanation. Your first question is a valid one, and one, I think most people have after they breakup- how could this person who I had dated for so long, completely change their behavior after we broke up? The short version- breakups cause a lot of suffering and pain makes people behave differently as I’m sure you’ve found out. Sometimes, they go to extremes such as your ex contacting the authorities. That was his reaction and it may have been overzealous, but unfortunately, you can’t change that.

Secondly, break ups are a part of life and as hard and painful as this may be, you have the chance to grow from this experience. You need to understand that by focusing so intently on him and his choice, you’re not allowing yourself to heal and grow from it. The sooner you see this experience as an opportunity to be a better person, the sooner you will heal.

Lastly, he doesn’t sound like a partner that is truly worth the time and effort that a good relationship requires. He is dealing with his own issues right now and anyone that is focused so completely on themselves won’t make a good partner. A good partner is happy with who they are, satisfied with where they are, and is always moving forward. Think about it, do you really want to be with a person that would behave in such a selfish and secretive manner? This is the perfect opportunity to become the person you would truly value being with and you’re more likely to find that person in the future because of this experience. This is also a great opportunity to better define the person you actually want to be with. After all, you only get as much as you put into something.

The faster you start moving forward and the faster you accept this and put it in the past, it will get easier. With time and practice you can make this a positive experience; it doesn’t need to be a negative one. This is your life and it’s yours to do with as you desire. This is an opportunity to become better, it is not a negative experience unless you make it one.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog. Take a look if you need more advice.

Hey Kyniska,

First off, relax. Your imperfections are what make you unique. Knowing and working on our imperfections can make life more exciting because there is always something to work on. We’re not meant to be perfect. I’m sure you’ve noticed that there is always a positive and negative to things in life. Well, our imperfections are the balance to our perfections. It’s all about how you look at your own imperfections that matter.

Instead of seeing them as reasons to dislike yourself or seeing them as reasons why others don’t like you, see them as opportunities to understand yourself and your life in a deeper way. The happier you are with yourself, the more happiness you can share. People are attracted to happiness. We all could use more of it in our lives.

So, to recap, relax and don’t be so hard on yourself. Where you are is where you’re meant to be and until you find the motivation to change, flow with what is. Secondly, accept who you are and where you are in this moment and do whatever it takes to love that person. And last but not least, find strength in others, find courage in all that’s around you. If you work towards bettering yourself, one day people will look to you for strength. Become the person you need right now.

here’s my blog if you want further help. Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com

Goodluck!