Forum Replies Created
April 25, 2017 at 12:51 am #146621
I want to reply to this thread even though I’m not good enough like Anita or inky or many great people who have helped me in this forum.
I can relate happenings of my life to yours. Believe me nobody has to love you its you who has to feel the love for yourself . Regarding the last post, You dont have to forcefully socialize yourself and dont do when you are already at the verge of anger., whatever silly things things our friends do would trigger the anger more. I have gotten into fist fights in road because i see all the guys who confronts me as my dad i just go out of control. I have thrown stuff at people in fit rage of anger. I have hurt myself physically many times thinking that it would help me release the pain i was holding back then. Its because of the abuse we went through as a child silently ” which Anita had explained elaborately.What i wanted to say is: embrace your anger. its OK to be angry we have been hurt that much . Its ok if we dont fit in the society we dont have to like everyone we meet. Take time for yourself. I used to sing as a child i diverted all my energy there and started singing again. To control anger i started jogging (there’s wonderful app called Nike+ which has a inbuilt coach to guide you) because after jogging i wont have energy to fight or feel angry at anyone. I treated myself good like cooking food for myself eating whatever i like. visiting tourist spots alone indulge in nature and i learned to embrace my loneliness. Dont engage in activities which will increase your rage (if it is people avoid people for sometime until you are OK).
Please come here and write. Venting out helps you think straight. My warmest hugs to you!April 20, 2017 at 1:28 pm #146075
Hannah! Your words make me feel strongApril 20, 2017 at 1:14 pm #146069
So glad to see your reply, Im kinda confused and was panicking for the first few days when i came across BPD. Then i was trying to reason stuff.
I will tell you what triggered this thought.
1. I get mood swings
2. I have cut myself twice but not suicidal. (in my 20’s) drank cleaning solution when i was kid (i think 10)trying to see if will die and escape my family. I stopped it after 25 when i realized i am a victim of abuse and started working on my issues
3. I have cheated on my BF’s until end of my 20’s
4. When i watch movies i try to relate the character to myself. If the kid or lady is being abused i imagine that to be me and i almost spoil the rest of the day being sad or angry.
5. I get angry if “im told to ” or reminded like i wont do it properly (It reminds me of my father)
Im hurting my Dear friend who was with me in all my hard times we had to collaborate like everyday since we co own a firm. He has to add ” don’t get mad” every time before he starts to say something.
I want to be the cool person i really am like all the time. But my past haunts me. Even though i consciously avoid those thoughts or events to trigger me that trauma gets me sometimes since its unresolved yet i guess.
People are confused at times why i behave like so angry suddenly. because im the sweetest person u can see when im not angry. It had happened with my employees too.. So help me i don’t know what i am anymoreApril 19, 2017 at 11:43 pm #145941
I have a writer friend who might find it useful. But I’m from India would you be interested in scanning those and sending? Please let me know.March 7, 2017 at 8:57 pm #137067
Happy Woman’s Day My Beautiful angels!!!February 15, 2017 at 8:25 am #127705
While reading it honestly i felt like actually doing all those.. Although im on diet, those chocolate dipped strawberries.. Literally drooling here… It was a great valentine’s day eve reading this Ms. Kristine. Thanks for sharing it and reminding of so many stuff which i had been missing. (Chocolates mostly)..February 14, 2017 at 8:58 am #127571
Great to see your reply!! I never wanted the argument inky! I tried hard to say no comments most of the time.. because i hate shouting n yelling it reminds of the childhood and bad events., I don’t engage with people who doesn’t know civilized way of speaking. I’m a kind of person even if someone is wrong if that’s not gonna hurt anyone i wont care after all we live in a imperfect world. Even with him it was like that, i had never said anything offensive or bad to hurt him even at times he actually hurt me, but this had happened to be a pattern there is a threshold to everything. I cannot sit and get beat up. When he said the above words i was literally hurt and had no words to speak back, I just told him if i can prove what i said i will stop talking to him forever. He just left the conversation saying that i have some serious issues.. :(.. But point is i never wanna talk to him again.. I’m scared what all he will say in future..February 14, 2017 at 8:50 am #127565
Dear Mr. Peter,
Thanks a lot for taking time to give detailed reply to my post.
Yes, I completely Agree seems like he had so many things to say. I really appreciate your book recommendation, i will definitely buy that and read it to improve my conversation skills .February 13, 2017 at 9:42 pm #127511
Hello Mr. Wong,
I’m sorry for such late reply, But i feel like sharing some words with you being a south Indian girl and i guess and shortly don’t waste your life for her. Please.. Regardless of whatever race we all come from, love is a universal language . When we love someone we do it above all differences, race and origin i dunno how suddenly during marriage it is all an issue. If the girl was strong, there is no force that could have stopped you both from being together. We are in 21st century and even for South Indian culture and that is just BS (forgive my language). I can understand how true your love was when you say you are ready to change your life style etc., If we cant accept our loved ones for who they are then what is the point of love? Good things comes to those who wait. I’m pretty damn sure someone who loves you more than anyone in this world is just out there. Its better you don’t keep in touch with her anymore focus on your life. All the best!February 13, 2017 at 9:22 pm #127509
I’m an Indian, But whatever you said is 100% true. Indian kids does not really know what being independent (emotionally, financially, physically) is even though they try to be so they would never dare to disrespect their parents even if they are wrong. at 20’s almost everyone in the family will try to set you up with a guy/girl they know. Marriage is not based upon true feelings most of the time. Once i dated a guy who wants to get married and have babies before 30 (else the society will question him it seems) that was the sole reason he was in love. Double life is common here because they never stand up for what they really want, so they keep what they get and in pseudo mode they try getting what they really like. But if you ask them they wont agree they will act like they have all transformed and adaptive to western culture etc., like down to earth. But beware..February 13, 2017 at 8:51 pm #127507
Thanks for looking into the situation for me. Yeah there was no discussion once he started saying stuff to piss me off. Even If we knew someone is wrong, its always good to use win-win situation to explain and make them feel comfortable (that’s what i would do). In this conversation we had, it was not about me or him but he made it personal by calling me ignorant and the fact i dunno anything. Why this bothered me is, I have been playback singing for 20 years, i have been in the industry till my 26 years of age giving lots of concerts, I still sing but my business had been my priority so when he said those things he knew i would get hurt and that’s why he said it i guess. And I came here because i wasn’t able to take it off my mind i don’t wanna go back and explain him that i got hurt because i really don’t wanna engage in a conversation with a person who hurts me. As u already knew, I lack assertiveness i would after sometime i will forget that he was the one who hurt me and would think i am the reason for this whole fight and would try to convince him. After your suggestion about being assertive (in the past posts) i am practicing to be strong on whatever decision i take. Thanks again for your valuable time!February 13, 2017 at 10:51 am #127437
Thanks for taking time to reply for my question. I have started putting metta in practice, all your inputs were of great help. Thanks again.November 30, 2016 at 8:57 pm #121639
Happy to see your reply !! Yea i guess she will be overwhelmed too and that may even make her not to reply.. I’ll keep it short.. It will be a waste to let that friendship go.
Thank you!April 5, 2016 at 9:28 am #100934
I’m going to paste what you wrote in front of my work desk and my kitchen cabinet.. Thanks for making time to write to me Anita! I sincerely appreciate it..April 5, 2016 at 9:11 am #100932
In real life i don’t have any problems at all.. not like this at least.. I diverted lot of my focus to gardening.. i have started growing lot of plants in my roof. I run a business and i am pretty busy with it.. When this guy pings me in the morning I would be pretty damn busy but somehow i stop all that and talk to him.. Yea it is addictive.. I dunno why.. I clearly wanna come out of it.. I feel ashamed of not being in control of myself.. I know im a non assertive person.. But i had come across situations where my Ex came back to me after marriage saying that he cant forget me blah blah i was able to say a hard NO right to his face but now i dunno where that guts went.. I fight with this guy but i go back.. or he doesn’t take me seriously at all he pings the very next morning. I started doing this for fun.. i know this guy was lying and stuff but later somehow it became addictive. I started caring too much for him. its like im stuck in a loop. Its like a whole day had now reduced into 1-1.5 hours of talk. but i don’t like this also.. this is not good for me or my life..