Thank you, Shelbyville

I woke up this morning and I think I’m still in shock.  My mom has to identify my brothers body today.  Being that he shot himself in the head, it’s going to be beyond horrific for her.

She doesn’t want me to go, which I know that my mental state isn’t strong enough, I don’t want to remember him that way.  I want to remember him the last time we were together.  We went to the mall and spent the whole day together.

I knew he had issues, he was never the same after we lost our dad 2 years ago.

Before he committed suicide he mentioned to me on numerous occasions that he wanted to be with my dad.  I believe that he is.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this, I know the worst is yet to come.

I wish I would have went with him when he wanted to go drink, even though I do not drink.

He was in such a rage, I should have known and he would still be alive.

Oops, I hit submit by mistake.  How are you today.

My mom. brother and I went out to dinner, to celebrate my Birthday early.

I don’t drink much, but I did last night.

Do you have any plans for today?

Yes. I have a great relationship with my mother.

I have no contact with her.  This is so screwed.  I gave her a call regarding our medical insurance.  It was Jan. 2015, because  my ex husband still had a police together.  I didn’t want to talk to my ex.  So, I called her instead to ask her if she could call him because I didn’t want any tie to him.

She said, I will have to ask if it’s okay with him if she could talk to me ( weird).  I don’t know if I mentioned that a year after we got married that he is a paranoid schizophrenic, doesn’t take medication.

I found this information from his ex wife, she didn’t show it to me but it was a therapy session they had regarding his kids.  Oh, I was his third marriage.

The first 2 two, he married them because they were pregnant.  Here’s the kicker, he had 2 kids with both of them. He is also a pathological liar.

If I told you all of the crazy things he put me through it would take me days to write.

I have to get ready for class, but you can respond back if you like.

I don’t communicate with his mother, she has to ask my ex if she’s allowed to speak with me.  When we were married, after she got to know me.

She got to know the real me, she would take my side, it would take me forever to write all of the awful accusations about my past mistakes.

Anita,

I never wrote anything about his mother, she passed away 2 years ago.

Hi,

I have heard that as you get older BPD doesn’t have as many self destructive behaviors.

Thanks, you have given me hope!