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Amma

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)
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  • in reply to: My brother committed suicide today #235945
    Amma
    Participant

    Thank you, Shelbyville

     

    I woke up this morning and I think I’m still in shock.  My mom has to identify my brothers body today.  Being that he shot himself in the head, it’s going to be beyond horrific for her.

     

    She doesn’t want me to go, which I know that my mental state isn’t strong enough, I don’t want to remember him that way.  I want to remember him the last time we were together.  We went to the mall and spent the whole day together.

     

    I knew he had issues, he was never the same after we lost our dad 2 years ago.

    Before he committed suicide he mentioned to me on numerous occasions that he wanted to be with my dad.  I believe that he is.

     

    I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this, I know the worst is yet to come.

    I wish I would have went with him when he wanted to go drink, even though I do not drink.

    He was in such a rage, I should have known and he would still be alive.

     

     

    in reply to: My friend has Stage 4 cancer #235135
    Amma
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    We have spoke before, thank you for listening, I didn’t mean to stop writing to you.

    I found out about my friends cancer shortly after that.  I was in such shock that I didn’t want to think about my friend so I only talked to my mom and his sister about the situation.

    I wasn’t ready to share my feelings with anybody but them.

    in reply to: My friend has Stage 4 cancer #235133
    Amma
    Participant

    Anita,

    That does make sense to me.  I do tell him that I can’t even imagine what he’s going through.

    My dad passed away from cancer in 2016.  He fought so hard, he was a very proud man and I could talk to him truthfully.  My father and I had a very special bond though.

    I was the only person in my family that he could cry to.

    I am a very good listener, but when it comes to expressing my feelings I don’t know how.

     

     

     

     

     

    in reply to: My friend has Stage 4 cancer #235131
    Amma
    Participant

    That’s wonderful advice, however he moved to a different state.

    I have sent him cards, ones that brighten up his day.  The only type of communication we have is over the phone.

    He is an alcoholic, which makes matters worse because this is a whole different ball game.

    He has been drinking, his doctors can’t give him chemo when he has been drinking.

    He uses alcohol to deal with the pain, mentally and physically.  He has been hospitalized at least 5 times because he gets drunk to the point of unconsciousness.

    A couple months ago he got married to a woman from a different country, she doesn’t understand the severity of his alcoholism.

    It’s a very sad situation, he has a feeding tube, when he talked to my mom yesterday he kept telling her that he can’t wait to come up here and have her make Italian food for him.

    It’s such a sad situation.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230629
    Amma
    Participant

    Oops, I hit submit by mistake.  How are you today.

    My mom. brother and I went out to dinner, to celebrate my Birthday early.

    I don’t drink much, but I did last night.

    Do you have any plans for today?

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230623
    Amma
    Participant

    Anita,

    Sorry it took me so long to respond.  I have a friend, actually, he’s my ex-boyfriend. We we were very

     

     

     

     

     

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230411
    Amma
    Participant

    Yes. I have a great relationship with my mother.

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230403
    Amma
    Participant

    Yes, she is still alive.

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230399
    Amma
    Participant

    I have no contact with her.  This is so screwed.  I gave her a call regarding our medical insurance.  It was Jan. 2015, because  my ex husband still had a police together.  I didn’t want to talk to my ex.  So, I called her instead to ask her if she could call him because I didn’t want any tie to him.

    She said, I will have to ask if it’s okay with him if she could talk to me ( weird).  I don’t know if I mentioned that a year after we got married that he is a paranoid schizophrenic, doesn’t take medication.

    I found this information from his ex wife, she didn’t show it to me but it was a therapy session they had regarding his kids.  Oh, I was his third marriage.

    The first 2 two, he married them because they were pregnant.  Here’s the kicker, he had 2 kids with both of them. He is also a pathological liar.

    If I told you all of the crazy things he put me through it would take me days to write.

    I have to get ready for class, but you can respond back if you like.

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230387
    Amma
    Participant

    Anita,

    I do believe that you are not him.  No worries.

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230369
    Amma
    Participant

    I don’t communicate with his mother, she has to ask my ex if she’s allowed to speak with me.  When we were married, after she got to know me.

    She got to know the real me, she would take my side, it would take me forever to write all of the awful accusations about my past mistakes.

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230367
    Amma
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I apologize, I didn’t realize that I mentioned his mother, sometimes I get paranoid because he has hacked into some of my accounts.

    Again, I am sorry.  I should have looked back at my posts.

    Amma

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230361
    Amma
    Participant

    Anita,

    I never wrote anything about his mother, she passed away 2 years ago.

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230355
    Amma
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Quick question?  Just wondering why you asked if I was still communicating with his mother?

     

     

     

    in reply to: All my relationships have been toxic #230351
    Amma
    Participant

    Hi,

    I have heard that as you get older BPD doesn’t have as many self destructive behaviors.

    Thanks, you have given me hope!

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)