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MayraLuna

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  • May 24, 2014 at 1:04 pm in reply to: Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth #57237
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    @Tinyzebra so glad you’ve been doing better!

    I totally broke down yesterday. I’ve been meaning to write a post for feedback… but then I go into moments of denial and blind hope… thinking that he’ll come to my doorstep and say he’s an idiot and that he doesn’t want to lose me. That’s just fantasy, I know, but why do i hold on to hope for someone whose clearly hurt me and will probably continue to hurt me more?

    I am so sad at times and while I try my best to snap out of it, it is not a matter of “snapping out of it” and I realize that I should dwell a little, because it is all part of the process. While I have dated plenty, I have not loved as I have this one. It has only been 3 weeks, and its still so fresh, but I can see myself moving forward and loving again! I need to enjoy this city that I’m in… i went from L.A., (where i had lost hope of dating cause i had my fair share of idiots, but it was me attracting this type of guy)… to a new city.. S.F. where there are infinite opportunities to attract what I want and what I deserve.. I am just going to “enjoy” this process… (the word enjoy sounds awful), but I really am going to just feel this whole thing out… get it out of my system, and learn from it. I have so much love to offer and so deserving of it being reciprocated… that’s what I am focused on now. I have made wonderful friends out here, but I have this thing about depending on people… I don’t want to depend on anyone else to make me happy…. I want to tap into that from within… and this journey has been very lonely… I have been able to seek advice and help from friends (who are all over the country) and some who are here… I find that more than anything, I appreciate their perspective and willingness to listen. I am all alone to reflect over this holiday, and It kinda makes me sad… last year on memorial weekend was one of our getaways, and it was such a beautiful time… I need to stop living in the past….

    Anyway, @tinyzebra, i’d love to see how your progress is going, it gives me hope… 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by MayraLuna.
    May 19, 2014 at 10:01 am in reply to: Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth #56552
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    Hey Tinyzebra,

    Going through the same… very much the same… only we were together for about a year and a half. It was long distance at first, and things were wonderful when we would see each other, (about 2 weekends a month) and when I moved closer, (not necessarily to be with him, but for school..) things were good at first, but I realized since I was in a new city, I depended on him a lot, I was so vulnerable and homesick that I think it turned him off. He goes through bouts of darkness, as do I, but I think his is worse. I at least do what i can to work on myself, (meditate, write, etc)… and he holds it in and it creates a monster out of him at times. I never wanted to change him, he is a strong person, but when he goes through that darkness, no one can take him out of it, certainly not me. I had already accepted him, with all his faults and flaws, I know all too well that you can’t “change” anyone. But what I failed to realize, is all the “red flags” all throughout. Sometimes he would be more distant than other times. He would only want to see me when he was in a good mood. He would go through moments where he was very vulnerable and warm with me, and then all of a sudden he would turn ice cold and distant. At first I thought it was cause he’s a gemini (dumb, i know!) but then I realized, he’s just messed up,.. and not even I can do much to help him get out of that darkness. So now… it’s been 3 weeks since I decided that I needed to move on with my life. He has been distant with me, so I have been just as distant with him. He asked to see me but then changed his mind… (not sure what that’s all about.) But, I can’t afford my sanity to worry about him, when I really just be directing the energy towards myself. So… if I’ve learned anything these last three weeks it is,
    1) Open up to your friends. While they can’t tell you what to do, the reflection aspect of opening up allows you to hear your situation aloud and makes you see things for what they are.
    2) Do things that make you happy! (I have been taking dance classes and going out to dance & enjoying the music & arts scene in my city.)
    3) Write what you feel, but also write what you want for yourself! Be optimistic. This will pass. There is someone so wonderful out there for you that you just have to believe it and manifest it into your life.
    4) Practice gratitude. Yes, be grateful for your experience, it is teaching you many lessons. For me, it is teaching me that I am stronger than I thought, and that I do have great coping skills.
    5) Cry if you need to, but once you do, more forward.
    6) MEDITATE! It has been my SAVING GRACE!

    Okay. Keep your head up! I am going through the same right now… so far, no-contact has been the best option for me. Smile. Do you. Love yourself! You are enough!

    Best wishes!

    May 2, 2014 at 8:57 pm in reply to: Can't seem to get it together… #55759
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    First off, let me just say that you are amazing! You are strong. Yes, you’ve been dealt a bad hand, but you’ve been able to adapt and adjust. I have this crazy motto, “There’s a solution to every problem, except death.” There’s a reason you’ve gone through what you’ve gone through, and that is to build the strength and courage to continue. I’m sensing that you are using a lot of your time and energy being worried, in a state of distress, but perhaps what you should try doing is not focus on the worry, yes, it is a lot to worry about, but when you’re constantly focused on what you don’t have, or scarcity in money, love, happiness, that is what the universe will bring you. Once you reshape your thoughts, start focusing on how the universe has your back and how things will work in your favor, just shift your mentality around, attract all the good and focus only on that, and see if there’s a change. I’m sure what I’m saying is nothing new to you, but sometimes we could use a little reminder. Praying it all works for the best for you.

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