Thank you very much Anita for your patience.

I’ve been denying myself that feeling of wanting to be with him, because I’m scared that the moment I actually do want to be with him, I’ll get demanding and wanting to go on dates, and see him more. When he has no time right now what so ever, his work is so busy and personal life is hectic. I just don’t want to impose on him these feelings. That and we live quite far from each other and we both live with roommates, but I will be moving out in February to get a place of my own. He was rather happy about that, and said he would come over almost every night.

But to answer all the above questions, no I don’t want to be friends with benefits, I want to be only his and him only mine.
Which is why I don’t want to date other people, I mean, I know there are great guys out there, and I might just be settling for something that might turn into absolute heartache.

I don’t want to change what we have though, because its nice and it really works well for the both of us. And I know he isn’t seeing or dating another girl, cause he usually would straightly tell me.

I guess I’m scared of losing him, because I don’t know where I stand. If it was clear that it was just friends with benefits, then okay, I can keep my feelings to myself and date other men without feeling guilty and actually would want to. But he’s also pulling me towards a relationship type of relations. So I’m torn, he could leave me at a moments notice but yet he still wants all the perks of a girlfriend.. And its eating away at me. My feelings for him and my fear of him leaving. It really really sucks.

Thank you Anita for your help. I have a feeling that I will have to talk to him about this. I am meeting him Saturday hopefully. I might want to talk to him then. I’m just scared of the result

Dear Anita,

Sorry for not replying, things with him seemed to be normal. Oh, don’t worry about abusive relationship or anything of the sort, I have no tolerance for that sort of thing.

It’s just, although you say I’m in a relationship, whatever the nature of it is, I am actually quite happy with him, and I’ve learnt to try and not have any expectations from him. I don’t care if we go on dates or anything, which we haven’t.
But I’m just not sure where i stand with him, I’m even more confused than before.

In the past couple days we have gotten really close, and he started telling me things that I believe he doesn’t really tell people about, I think. Either way, we have gotten quite close but last night, I had a date, and when he asked me what I was doing later that evening, I told him, Shopping with my friend and I have something at 8. He asked if it was a date, and I said yes, he got very offended at the fact I didn’t tell him straight up, and how I never tell him these things, why am I hiding it from him, and how if he were to call me and I didn’t pick up how upset he would be. In the meantime, I was simply thinking that its only a first date with this other guy, and it might not even be worth mentioning to him after, if there was no connection with the guy or anything, which at the end of the date, there was nothing, no connection and no interest on my end, so I don’t see why I should tell him? The date was boring. I really don’t get why he freaked out on me, then when I agreed to tell him next time he said, “don’t bother, its irritated me, you go hangout on your date or whatever, I don’t care.”

Like seriously? I’m thrown back a little by this. I’ve also noticed in the past 2 weeks or so he no longer has been saying couple like things anymore. So when this happened, I really don’t understand him and such a 180 degree change. I thought he started seeing me more as a friend or sister just with sex on the side.

He is so confusing.. or is it just me?

Thank you!

Hi Anita!

Wow… I’m left in awe on how you analyzed it.

But that is correct, I guess we aren’t like twins. Even though we are still so very much alike yet not. He is rather proud to call me his twin.

Maybe your right about that. The fact he wants a girlfriend but is scared of it ending. He keeps telling me that all good things must come to an end. And they way he describes his ex’s were that 50% were bad 50% were good, and the good ones got separated on mutual terms and if he got a chance to be with them again he would. I guess this is the part were my heart sank.
I understand that our arrangement was that of friends with benefits, but I didn’t realise that talking from dawn till dusk would make me so attached to him. I even explained that to him at one point, that I’d like my space so I could stop liking him, but he didn’t let me.

To be honest, I’m seriously confused. I dont know how to proceed anymore. I tried not having any expectations of it becoming anything more, but… he tells me things that a guy in love would say, then turn around and push me away with harsh comments(not all at once).
I enjoy what we have, we dont go on dates but I’m okay with that, I simply enjoy his company.. so why does he simply go 180°.
This is probably where his fear of not wanting to lose some one but why does he insist that I go on dates and act a little jealous when I do?
I seriously dont know what to think of this anymore, its been 4 months… and I feel like I dont want to be like all the other girls he has dated, but he just seems scared to want to take my heart and give me his..

Thank you!

Yes, I see your point about the not being a relationship.

I’ve never dated in my life, and he is the first… So i’m not sure what it means to be credible, or him conditioning? I really do not understand. if its not to much trouble, would you be able to clarify?

Thank you!

Thank you Kinny!

Yes, you are right, being reliable isn’t one of those qualities. And unfortunately for him, to me that is one of the most important quality in a significant other.

I met with him on Saturday. And his attitude towards the situation was completely care free. He seemed like he did nothing wrong. So, with him giving me this kind of attitude, I decided that I deserved better than this. So I told him how I felt, and said that I can no longer see him. He was shocked, he asked what he did wrong, and I simply replied that, what he did, how he handled the situation after what he did, and his attitude from then till when we met. And the fact that I had to text him first to get a sorry out of him was completely unacceptable. To me it showed a lack of completely disrespect towards me, and that was the deal breaker. If he would have taken responsibility after he did that, and texted me the next day saying how sorry he was, and asked how am I doing. I would have been more forgiving about it, but the fact the he didn’t…. well… anyways, I’m proud of the way that I handle the situation. 🙂

Thank you guys for all your input! I really appreciate your thoughts on my situation!

Hey, I have found someone. That I over looked and shouldn’t have.

I have reached out to him, but he acted as thought he did not care about what he did, so I ended it with him. I am proud the way I handle the situation that way I did. I was very mature about it and calm.

Hi, thank you both for your sympathies..

Yes, I understand now where I went wrong when asking to meet up with him and talk about it to him about something so personal.

To be honest, its not a shift of emotions. He isn’t my boyfriend, just someone I’m dating at that moment, but things have gotten series between us.

But as much as I admitted that I have anger, I didn’t want to talk to him angrily. After he texted me with to join him in the night club, I replied back with a No, and how can you ask me that, when you hurt my feelings? He said he was sorry, and that he was drunk. And ends up calling me between 4:40 to 5: 30, 13 times… so he was really drunk.

But I haven’t recieved word from him yet… This is the only thing that i have ever come close to a boyfriend… I have never had one before and I don;t know how to deal with things like this… I just thought that, maybe after he asked to be exclusive, i just thought that ok, now I can open myself up to him slowly… and that was the first time, I have ever wanted to open up to someone before…

So I do realize now, what I did was wrong. But now that, THAT is out there… he is the one in the wrong.. and I don’t know how to face something like this. I feel like i deserve to be treated much better since he is the one chasing after me. So, I’m really not sure where to go from here…. Should I text him first and say we need to talk?