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P.s I’m not really religious but I personally I’m trying to be as there are things in my life that have brought me there but I respect if you don’t believe ultimately we connect as humans (regardless of those things). Stay blessed. T.c.
All of the people above have said such profound things that I feel are very beneficial and wise so I may find myself kind of echoing them a little bit. I have to admit, that whether or not you believe this, many people can relate to you and so the guilt that you subconciousy or cosnciously feel should not really exist in the first place as it’s common and does not make you any less or anything.
I can relate to you as I feel I have been down a lot and not progresed a lot in my life, I have tried all those things and I still feel my self esteem is bruised a bit but I must say they were very helpfull (counselling, self help books (well 1 t.b.h) though but ultimately you give power to those things( counselling or speaking to people) and by giving power, I mean you ultimately have a choice on how things go and t.bh I think that’s where the issue lies for me, you kinda need to feel connected to yourself rather than battling yourself for all hose stuff to really mena something and that is a hard process but I’d say take time to try to understand yourself an accept yoursef (don’t put pressure on yourself to change completley and become this suer bubbly or cheery person but rather try and underdtand yourself and accept it.
Also I must admit that there are many factors that play into self esteem; the way you were socialised, maybe traumatic experiences or experiences that make you feel unworthy, try and find ways to actively be inspired by people who have gone through similar things and have come out of it or use an expressive form like poetry, excersise like Jeaninne said (taking a walk helps me when I’m overthinking), writing short stories or just simply writing your thoughts down, you may have similar feelings because you are alowing a pattern to be created without knowing so having a journal could help you understand/ or you may be approaching things the same way, another thing I might ad is that you could try something spiritual or religious associated, if you are open to that; like myabe find spiritual self help books or go to a session at a centre for worship.
I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Your existence is significant, another thing i want to say is you most likely are compain yousrelf to others and as hard as it is, we need to compare ousrelves more to people with similar situations rather than people whose lives are quite diff to us and know that people select and show things that they want others to know so there’s a good chance that you have a lot of similarities to them but you may not know. Peace be with you. It will get btter, most of the most inspiring people have gone through some tough times like you. (Sorry for the spelling mistakes). Pick and chose what you find ueful/not. XX
I don’t know how you become fearless, I think nearly everyone fears something but many people hide/ avoid this or certain people do things to try and respond to it rationally. I get where you are coming from. I think how you feel is described as “anxiety”, a little is ok but when it consumes you/ your thoughts it’s not ok. I went counseling to deal with my anxiety and my counsellor talked to me about rational behavioral therapy, which is helping med deal with things in a more rational way. I think you should get books that deals with your issues to you/ speak to a counsellor as books might make assumption because it needs to be a bit generalized but it is still worth reading though because there are a lot of things you may find useful/relatable but counseling can offer you a more personable service so yh if you are willing, both could be good. Everything is a process John. Step by step through controlling (to some extent) how you think by this behavioral therapy you can change how you react but first you’d have to be real with yourself and accept your feelings. I used to use my old bad past experiences to help dictate a similar situation in the present or help figure how i respond but truth is that’s a useless thing to do as you said everybody is different but inevitably people and the way they treat us isn’t really in our control (another thing I really soaked in from counseling) but you can with practice control how you act. P.s another thing you could read up on is how to be assertive because it’s another thing that’s helped me in the way I communicate how I feel cuz before I used to be quite passive with people I wasn’t as comfortable with and when they would do things that would upset/ frustrate me I would just bottle things because i was afraid of making a scene or seeming rude then before I knew it all the other cases of being annoyed/ upset just piled up making my emotions more intense than they would have been had I expressed myself assertively. I wish you well John and a lot of people can probably relate. God bless. P.s not all my anxiety has gone but it’s a bit easier to cope with things after my sessions and advice from a few good friends/ mentors/teachers so don’t think all your fears will be gone after it. One more thing counsellors don’t fix things they help you understand you and take control of your life and provide other services so it’s something that takes you being real and patient cuz nothing happens with a click. Wish you well. 🙂
The reason you might feel like you’re limiting yourself might be because you’re not allowing things to process thus putting pressure on yourself. Whillst going counselling, from my experience I learnt some advice that I think may be usefull to you. One was distinctifying between things I can and can’t control. For e.g. iin your situation you can’t control your mum’s feeling or her actions/ you can’t control your feelings but you can too a big extent control what you do with it. I’d say you accept how you feel (which is a process) then you try and deal with it, (another process) this could be through; counselling, listening to music, doing things you enjoy and can help you express your emotions and feel better but step by step. Regarding your mum, I think you should speak to a counsellor about how you can deal with her. You didn’t deserve what she did but as you noted, she has issues that she is taking out on you which isn’t fair but hopefully she can get help in time, that’s if she realises herself that she should so it’s not in your control to make her get help. I will keep you and her in my prayers. Is there wwy you could live with other relatives/ talk to them about how you feel. I def think you should talk to a counsellor about her, they’ll give you suitable advice as you can give them a clearer picture to your home state thus they can give you an appropriate advice. B.t,w don’t feel bad for feeling this way, happiness doesn’t come out of thin air, I know the generic term of happiness makes it seem like a certain way but happiness is an indivualistic thing, I think real happiness happens when we use rational/ healthy techniques to help us deal with bad situations which help change those bad/ self defeating thoughts to the point that they become a part of the way we think and through this other elements come which enrich our postive emotions, it’s like a cycle but it’s a process that happens with effort but not pressure. Positivity doesn’t mean being happy all the time actually, I think it’s just keeping an open mind and TRYING to not let your feelings consume you but not blocking them out at the same time, reacting rationally. I think you should read self-help books that may hinge on your situation 9abuse/depression) I think you should read articles about people who experienced similar issues to you and through the process of dealing with things properly came out feeling like better. It might make you feel better because you can relate and know a lot of people experience it and some things they learnt might help you in your experience. Don’t pressure yourself, you’ll come out of this feeling but in time. I hope things gradually improve/ the way you see it does. Don’t underestimate your strength. I was down at some point but after dealing with things like talking to people and counselling I feel much better and I didn’t think I’d push through but I did after I stopped doubting myself, accepted my issue and tried to deal with it in an efficient and healthy way. Wish you well, XX 😉
The worst thing that you can do is add guilt to your pain., it’s like adding pepper to a wound. You shouldn’t feel bad for feeling the way you do. I get the whole concerned about what people think, when i felt down I had similar thoughts but after counselling and speaking to people I realised the right people will accept your authentic feelings a.k.a the way you really feel and try and support that plus think outside of your head. I f your friend felt the way you did, wouldn’t you wanna support her? You wouldn’t be harsh on her, so don’t be harsh on yourself. You being real with yourself also might be a good thing to others cuz ppl who feel similar/ have bad experiences will be likely to speak about them to you so it helps them open up and express their feelings outloud (especially, if they haven’t). The sooner you accept it (which is hard process but very likely if you allow things to go step by step) you can find out why you feel how you do and begin the recoverry process (which is another process but step by step does it). I think you should speak to a therapist if you can, maybe there is something triggering you to feel like this that you haven’t dealt with properly thus just becoming a constant pattern unless it’s always been this way but don’t hurt your head tryna figure out what it is if you don’t know or how to deal with it on your own if you do know. I would say speak to a therapist and whilst talking you’ll make more sense of your actions through it. It’s not easy at first but if you might if find it very usefull cuz I bet you in your head ‘everything is everywhere’ but they have techniques to help you break things down to help get to the root but bear in mind in counselling, you can’t be fixed by the therapist, they help you to understand yourself so you can help yourself or with legal torubles maybe if they are/ or even get you to go to the doctors if they think that’s suitable. . B.t.w you don’t have to be positive all the time, it’s all right to have negative feelings but it’s not good for them to consume us. It doesn’t make you a bad person if they do but it helps to accept your feelings then try and tackle it (all a process) also whilst counselling my counsellor taught me about being rational/ rational behavioural therapy which helped, try and watch clips about it. In a nutshell it’s about finding rational ways to deal with things. Keep holding on, you’re doing great. Goodluck with things :-).