Hello Lisa,

I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I read your story, starting at the beginning. I agree with Anita in that you definitely are heard on this site. I believe many people feel alone just like you. So in that, you are not alone.

I am not sure if you are looking for someone to empthaise with you or actual advice. However, after reading your thread I felt so happy for you in the middle pages where you wrote down your goals and were making progress toward them e.g. eating healthier, walking more and getting a better sleeping pattern, so my thoughts are to say more about things that helped me in terms of positive progress.

Like you I have found life isn’ fair. Just watch a nature programme when a little animal just been born/at a young age is killed by another predator. Nature shows us life isn’t fair and its not fair for humans either. But I  do believe there are certain rules in nature and sometimes the things in life that seem unfair are actually trying to teach you something.. its just so hard and tiring to see that at the time. Life isnt ordered, just or fair sometimes and accepting that makes life easier to live i find. It all depends what you believe. I like much of what people say about the law of attraction and like to believe things happen for a reason. But everyone to their own.

In terms of practical help I would suggest the following things but you don’t have to do any. I do understand how you feel though. I have felt very much alone for as long as I can recall.

1) perhaps try and listen to guided meditations as you wind down and go to bed. These have helped me calm my over active brain and help sleep. They could help you. I peronally like ones by Jason gallant but it’s up to you which you like

2) You said you can’ afford therapy but there is perhaps other, alternative therapies you could try. Here in the UK the NHS offers free therapy to people online and there are websites like Talkspace, elder wisdom circle and 7 cups of tea that offer online therapy which may help.

3) I think what Anita said about patience in previous posts was so true. When I feel down I want to get better RIGHT NOW and somehow feel a failure when that doesn’t happen and feel discouraged, like back to square one as you describe. I think the key is to keep trying. You say you are stubborn and have tried, so persevering when you are having a down day would be a great use of that trait.  Think of a little donkey on a trail that just keeps on plodding on even if it’ just small steps one day and slightly bigger the next- the donkey will get there. For those days I have a journal which you can buy online called a 5 minute journal which asks you to write down things you are grateful for at the start of the day and write an affirmation and then asks you to reflect at the end of the day. That has been useful to me in seeing the good things in life and I would perhaps recommend to you.

4) at the start you mentioned you had a dog. It sounded like the dog gave you happiness. The dog would also help you get out of the house on bad days. Have you thought of getting one again? Perhaps getting one from a pound e.g. a dog that was also alone will encourage you both to heal. This may involve you cutting down some hours but from what you post, it sounds like you are so tired from working two jobs so doing less hours is a good thing. We need to take care of ourselves first.

5) you say you are an artist and a writer which is great. Anita is right, you do have a good way with words and express things clearly at times. How much art/writing are you doing Currently? It doesn’t have to be perfect at all. How good or not good you are at writing is no reflection on your self worth and value as a person…They aren’t linked. Perhaps you could join an art or creative writing class or perhaps start a free blog on word press?

6) when I am feeling especially down I like to Google things in the hope of finding someone ‘like me’ out there. In time I have found Ted talks which are useful and also YouTube videos. Try the one from a poster called ‘improvement pill’ about filling the iner hole (you will recognise the video as it has cartoon characters in) or videos by Teal Swan on the inner void, lonliness etc. There are also a few by Michael singer and Eckert rolled that whilst I don’t always understand principles, are relaxing to watch.

I have more to write but think this is long enough for now. I hope you have a good day today and do at least one thing that makes you feel good about your life/day. I would be interested in hearing about your progress towards your goals you mentioned.

Please take good care of yourself.

Hello Poppy,

I think you are in a tricky situation in a way as it can be hard to have honest conservations with friends at times about what to expect from them (and them from you) as it may feel awkward or worry about their response so we (myself included) tend to skirt around the issue which can lead to resentment.

My thoughts here, and I know its easier said than done, is to a) not expect your friend to think like you or be anything other than herself e.g it is your (quite reasonable) expectation that your friend should send you a card for your birthday when you made the effort for her birthday that is making you down about this- you expect her to return the favour and get angry when she doesn’t. This is understandable but if you don’t expect too much from your friend you are more likely to stay friends with less resentment. Some friends are great friends, some friends are fair weather friends and some people we call friends are probably more like aquaintances. That’s okay- it just sounds like this friend is more a fair weather or acquaintance type friend.

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things that helped me included guided meditation, listening to Jason Gallant YouTube videos, talkspace therapy and journaling, but I can appreciate at times these things feel like they barely scratch the surface or you don’t feel like you have the mental energy/concentration to do them.

it’s hard, but I promise you will get through this and be a stronger, wiser person and everyone here is rooting for you xx

And i agree with Anita, there is a reason why you drink, but it’s hard to see for yourself as you are too close, that’s why therapy can help as they see things from a different and independent viewpoint.

perhaps when you get an urge to do something self destructive, something your gut feeling knows is wrong, then maybe just pause and think why? What has caused you to feel that way? What are you trying to achieve by that action? Is it lonliness? Fear? Anger? Hurt? Shame?

Hi Tom,

there are many reasons why she had a one night stand a few months ago and we don’t know them so perhaps, as Anita says, get to know her more and assess her character and just ask her. Normally gut feelings are right about a person.

it’s not an ideal situation but if you are serious about her, and it sounds like you like her, then my thoughts are that life rarely is ideal and you have to think if you would regret not sticking by her at this time. Only you know that. You could be friends, but in my experience it’s hard to be friends with someone you fancy/have feelings for and that could make it more confusing and harder if you decide to end it. so if that’s the case perhaps not be in her life at all for now.

Only you both can work it out how you see fit and only you both know best. I appreciate it is a dilemma but normally your gut feeling, deep down knows best eg when you first wake up, in the shower or driving you normally have a feel for where you should go.

Hi,

happy first post!

my thoughts would be along the lines of the quote ‘you often regret what you don’t do, rather than what you do do’ and whilst in all situations this may not be the case, i think it may apply in this situation.

my advice would be try not to plan how the conversation will go too much, just go with your gut and say what comes naturally to you- you can’t go  far wrong being true to yourself.

it could be they are just nervous coming to accept their feelings and it could of been your proposal the first time could of sparked off the internal searching so she feels she can confide in you.  Likely they are just at a difficult transition period in their life and having you to talk to and be by her side is great- she is lucky to have you. I would just go with your heart and hear her out. after all what’s the worst that can happen? whether she did reach for your hand or not, the feelings are still there and she may need you as a friend right now.

best of luck! Xx

also, depending on how much you believe in star signs, takes a look at his as it could help you understand his coldness.