I believe the reason I was becoming more confident was because I was setting so many boundaries with friends and family and now I reacted and handed that power away!

what I meant by saying no! Is when my brother asked for the meeting. Where they shattered me and gaslit me and leavening me in self doubt and confusion. Giving me unbelievable panic and tremors throughout my body that night and for weeks after causing me to miss the burial and react impulsively hence giving my power away. Causing me to be now depressed, sleep deprived and lonely. Without a clue where to go next!

I have to disagree, I was on my way to a happily ever after. I really was. I know nothing is permanent but one can make a happy life. I was getting there. With boundaries, self love and healing. It hurts me to feel like you don’t agree. I’ve been on this journey with you and you have always encouraged me.

Hi Anita,

I took a few days of reflection and rest. I finally cried about my mom’s death and realized my brother re opened that wound. I cried about what family has done. And I got really angry, I yelled and screamed while taking a drive about what was done to me. I am finally getting some hours of sleep thank GOD! 2 nights ago I naturally slept for 4 hours and last night I took CBD oil to relax me and fell asleep for 5 hours! Lovely.

Now I am stuck with shame and guilt. I feel worthless again, no ambition. I feel my power has been tooken away for good. I was finally somewhere where I felt good about me. I felt good going out, and about my body regardless of imperfections and now I am down and out. The funny thing is I realize these feelings wee projected onto me. I know I was emotionally abused!! But as things settle and time goes on and the ones who hurt me so bad reach out like nothing ever happened I am quite invalidated. I hate feeling like this, it is unfair. But it was my reactions that took my power away, so much regret. Why didn’t I hold onto myself I was doing so good!! I feel like I was on the brink of escaping childhood brainwashing and now all of those beliefs run through my head again.

I know you are right. I honestly just can’t let go of the fact that I’m being exiled from my entire family because of certain narcissistic people. How is that fair? I deserve rights to my family regardless of my relationship with my aunt or brothers.

No. I have Ben strong and persistent about taking care of me but the total loss of all support has definitely affected me. I have been surviving on self talk and inner strength. I want to do this on my own as I know I do not deserve the treatment I got! But am falling apart with no sleep! And major anxiety. I’ve tried to relax. I was busy all day yesterday and actually pretty confident in the future but suffered major anxiety last night while trying to fall asleep. I tried 3 hours alone before taking Xanax. I am committed to fighting but am at a loss. I need sleep to survive. Got an emergency appointment for an hour from now. Not sure what a doctor can do but I’m sure it will smooth my mind having someone help.

Do you think that will help me sleep. I went to the ER, they prescribed Xanax and that is all. I can’t just ask to move back in now. And I don’t want to. These people hurt me. And as the days go on with no sleep I’m losing sight of what happen to me and feeling hopeless. I did sleep 4 hours but because of Xanax. I need real sleep.

Yes it would. I am just so lost without sleep. I feel like I am losing myself. I have never had this problem in my life! I need sleep to function. Right now I’m just doubting reality.

I am choosing to stop and bought some super b complex stress vitamins recommended by someone who used to get severe panic attacks and it helped. I cannot handle any more anxiety than I have. I am doing ok this morning. I got 4 hours of sleep with Xanax. Just wished I could get more. A natural sleep. I’m a little depressed but going to try and start my day!