I never wanted it to be like this, I just wanted boundaries. My doctor told me that I may have gone too far in boundaries. To be one way one day and completely cut off the next can anger family, she said it is normal. She said to stay away but not to cut ties. I’m hurt either way

Thank you Anita

at this point I’m discouraged. Was prescribed ambien and did nothing for me! What is happening to me? I’ve never experienced this.

I did not deserve the treatment from my family. Yes I want family to save me but I don’t want to run back to them like I am wrong! Who knows if I could even sleep like that. I don’t know what is wrong with me. My body just stays in a constant state of anxiety, I feel the nerves in my body and at night I have panic attacks and jolts preventing me from sleep! I can’t imagine at this point going back to them. I was so positive I could do this journey alone yesterday and now today hopeless!  It’s the loss of sleep. I am going to schedule with a doctor.

That really threw me off Anita!

No I have tried but I cannot. And this is my main problem. The lack of sleep is making me disconnected from myself and my ability to feel. I know that I need to feel the pain of this before I can proceed. I haven’t cried and I haven’t forgiven myself or them yet and that has been my process of healing thus far. I am hoping to return to some kind of normal sleep pattern so I can come back to myself. I feel as though I’m doubting the reality of things and it’s scary. I believe I should have made the trip to Florida when I said so. I don’t want to get sucked into making amends with family when I am not ready to. I’d love to talk at some point but when I have come to peace with everything. And I haven’t. Thing is I reached out to my brother emotionally the other day and he has now been contacting me daily to talk. I am not sure if I should open up my feelings? I cannot take anymore invalidation. I do know you already suggested not to.

I don’t think I’m taking Zoloft anymore. anxiety and depression out the roof! Is that normal?

I get that. I think I’m so nostalgic and wanting the relationship because I am really dissociated, I think it may be the lack of sleep or the fact that I suppressed my feelings so much recently. How can I change this? I’m trying to feel my feelings but nothing comes out the way I truly feel. The way my family treated me was devastating and hurtful, I should cry and scream and rage! I am telling you the way I felt in the days after my aunts death was disturbing. And I am so invalidated by people acting like nothing happened. I know this is what is hindering me in the moment. I know this is why I have so much anxiety in my body and tremors. How can I change this? Do I confront the people?

Should be taking it in the morning, right?

And not sure Anita, not sure how to make this right. Do you ever think my codependency plays a roll?