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GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH

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This topic contains 277 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 22 hours, 9 minutes ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 278 total)
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  • #297407

    Nichole
    Participant

    I don’t think I’m taking Zoloft anymore. anxiety and depression out the roof! Is that normal?

    #297425

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Like I wrote, and you can google, increased anxiety can be caused by Zoloft. There are other SSRIs that work for people who react badly to Zoloft. I wonder how you are doing this Wednesday morning?

    anita

    #297429

    Nichole
    Participant

    I am choosing to stop and bought some super b complex stress vitamins recommended by someone who used to get severe panic attacks and it helped. I cannot handle any more anxiety than I have. I am doing ok this morning. I got 4 hours of sleep with Xanax. Just wished I could get more. A natural sleep. I’m a little depressed but going to try and start my day!

    #297433

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    B complex vitamins have helped many. I think they will help you too. I wonder if you sleep during the day, being tired from little sleep during the night?

    anita

    #297435

    Nichole
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>No I have tried but I cannot. And this is my main problem. The lack of sleep is making me disconnected from myself and my ability to feel. I know that I need to feel the pain of this before I can proceed. I haven’t cried and I haven’t forgiven myself or them yet and that has been my process of healing thus far. I am hoping to return to some kind of normal sleep pattern so I can come back to myself. I feel as though I’m doubting the reality of things and it’s scary. I believe I should have made the trip to Florida when I said so. I don’t want to get sucked into making amends with family when I am not ready to. I’d love to talk at some point but when I have come to peace with everything. And I haven’t. Thing is I reached out to my brother emotionally the other day and he has now been contacting me daily to talk. I am not sure if I should open up my feelings? I cannot take anymore invalidation. I do know you already suggested not to.</p>

    #297437

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I suggest you don’t try to “fee the pain” or to forgive others. Try to be okay with whatever it is that you feel- and whatever it is that you don’t feel. Don’t criticize yourself for feeling this and not that. Don’t bother yourself with forgiving your family members. Instead accept everything about your experience of life today and every day. Let yourself be. It will help you sleep at night once you allow yourself to just be without making comments to yourself: I should feel this.. I shouldn’t feel that.

    So you reached out to your brother and he calls you. But you didn’t open up to him about your feelings yet, so you ask “if I should open up my feelings?”-

    – the way I see it this morning is this: you are in the ocean and you think you are drowning, so you frantically move your arms about, trying to keep afloat and you call for help, and someone throws you a stick so you hold on to  it and feel a bit better, a bit hopeful, that maybe you will not drown.. but the stick deteriorates so quickly, right in front of your eyes and you are back to frantically trying to stay afloat, and you scream again: Help! Help! Somebody help me!

    And someone throws a stick to you again, you hold on to it, feeling better, hopeful and that stick too, falls apart, melts into the water…

    The strange thing though is that your feet are touching the ground underneath the water, and you are able to walk to the shore, you just don’t know it, or you don’t consider it.

    It would make sense to walk to the shore, wouldn’t it? Better than staying in the water screaming for help, taking this or that stick and watch it melt  into the water.

    anita

    #297619

    Nichole
    Participant

    Yes it would. I am just so lost without sleep. I feel like I am losing myself. I have never had this problem in my life! I need sleep to function. Right now I’m just doubting reality.

    #297625

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I want you to sleep, this is first priority at this point. If it means you move back to your father’s/brother’s apartment so to sleep, do so. If it means moving back to your aunt’s – do so. I don’t like these options, not at all, but you need to sleep first.

    anita

    #297637

    Nichole
    Participant

    That really threw me off Anita!

    #297641

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    I don’t like it, not one little bit. But you have to sleep, be it by checking into a hospital or going back to … well, I don’t like it, but you have to sleep, whatever it takes.

    anita

    #297647

    Nichole
    Participant

    Do you think that will help me sleep. I went to the ER, they prescribed Xanax and that is all. I can’t just ask to move back in now. And I don’t want to. These people hurt me. And as the days go on with no sleep I’m losing sight of what happen to me and feeling hopeless. I did sleep 4 hours but because of Xanax. I need real sleep.

    #297655

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Yes, you need sleep. So the ER is of no help beyond the Xanax. I understand you not wanting to move back in with either your father/brother or your aunt. I wouldn’t either if I was you. But it seemed to me that you wanted to. I was under the impression that you decided, sort of, to not be okay until Family will save you, take you in, make a safe, loving home for you and until and unless they do, you will be sleepless and miserable.

    anita

    #297659

    Nichole
    Participant

    I did not deserve the treatment from my family. Yes I want family to save me but I don’t want to run back to them like I am wrong! Who knows if I could even sleep like that. I don’t know what is wrong with me. My body just stays in a constant state of anxiety, I feel the nerves in my body and at night I have panic attacks and jolts preventing me from sleep! I can’t imagine at this point going back to them. I was so positive I could do this journey alone yesterday and now today hopeless!  It’s the loss of sleep. I am going to schedule with a doctor.

    #297661

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nichole:

    Do schedule an appointment with a doctor. And be extra mindful of your actions and surroundings so to be cautious, being as exhausted as you are.

    Do you think that under your awareness, maybe you are trying to be in a bad state so that your family members will be sorry for how they treated you and apologize and try to make it up to you, once they see how much you suffer?

    anita

    #297671

    Nichole
    Participant

    No. I have Ben strong and persistent about taking care of me but the total loss of all support has definitely affected me. I have been surviving on self talk and inner strength. I want to do this on my own as I know I do not deserve the treatment I got! But am falling apart with no sleep! And major anxiety. I’ve tried to relax. I was busy all day yesterday and actually pretty confident in the future but suffered major anxiety last night while trying to fall asleep. I tried 3 hours alone before taking Xanax. I am committed to fighting but am at a loss. I need sleep to survive. Got an emergency appointment for an hour from now. Not sure what a doctor can do but I’m sure it will smooth my mind having someone help.

Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 278 total)

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