Forum Replies Created
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AuthorPosts
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NicholeParticipantI am a people pleaser who has lashed out. But I have done work and I continue doing work. And most of these people have indeed abused me.
I am so afraid of being alone and scared to turn to family. I know you only entertained the thought. And I’m not upset at any choice you make. I just wish you would know how much I need someone to hold my hand through this. Yes I’m a woman. But an abused woman who has no love in her life. No one who cares or understands what an abused person feels like. It would be a blessing to have someone in my life to help me through this rough patch. You have been here, you always understand me.
NicholeParticipantAnita,
I would not get angry. I am complying with my meds. I am kind and loving. I am genuine and need assistance from someone who gets it. I can make my own appointments. It would so amazing to have someone like you in my life.
My life is upside down and I’m fearful of what’s to come. I didn’t get any sleep. This is my biggest issue. I can’t keep calm. I feel unsafe.
NicholeParticipanti have no more energy to type tonight. I feel like I’m withering away. I pray I get some sleep
NicholeParticipantReally did you think about it?
What would be different? I’d have someone who understood my struggle. Someone who has gone through where I have been. A physical being friend who doesn’t just want to take advantage of me. Maybe a fresh start. Maybe a break away from people who wish to hurt me. Maybe a time to heal my head and mind. Maybe some guidance. Maybe a place to feel safe that would calm my fight or flight response. I don’t have anywhere like that here. And the more I am alone the more I feel worse.
NicholeParticipantMy power, my pride, my ego. I should have called from the beginning. By now I’ve been an insomniac, I’ve gone through so much. I feel like I’ll never be the same again.
I wish you could be with me physically.
i could use guidance and support. Can I come to you?
NicholeParticipantNo I am not in contact with anyone. I think this is the problem. How can one be so lonely and suffering from insomnia, ptsd, codependency and severe anxiety???
I just don’t feel safe to go to anyone but my mind and head keeps telling me I should. I just know they aren’t going to be able to be emotionally available but maybe at least be in their presence will help?
NicholeParticipantAnita, 2 days on Zoloft and I can’t grt our if bed. Life is so rough! I am starting to convince myself I cannot do this alone. I can’t take on the lease. What if I lose my job? I have no motivation. I can’t believe this is happening. My life and money is dwindling! Anita I am paranoid right now. I think I need someone. I think I always have. And trying to do this on my own has slowly killed me. My body jolting. My head zapping. No one deserves this. What do I do and why I am so scared of everything as if I will die if I make a decision.
NicholeParticipantAnita,
i felt more depressed, worthless, and doubtful then ever today. Not sure if it is any of the meds but my self wasn’t me today. Usually I can still love me. Today not so much. I feel like that insecure, codependent little girl I once was. It’s funny you brang up codependent. I felt it today. I will not lie I almost called Him my ex. I felt I needed to be saved by someone, anyone. And still do. So hard to do this alone. I had to sign the lease and don’t think I can withdraw. I wish I could. I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I’ve only deteriorated in the last two months. I know some of this was my reactions and in ability to focus on me. My therapist told me the day this happened. Focus on you and your goals or you will lose yourself and that’s what they want. And surely I have! I’m disappointed. Scared and hopeless. I don’t want this to be my life. I was actually learning to love me and honor me and live life independently. How did I fade? I don’t know what the point is at this point.
NicholeParticipantAnita,
went to doctor
am on 10mg ambien for sleep
1mg of Xanax 3 times daily
50mg Zoloft in the morning
never expected this to be my life
apartment ready on the first, wish I would have gone to Florida all along in the beginning of this when I had some confidence and energy. Now I’m just a shell. Not sure if it’s meds but I’m depressed! All day in hotel bed.
dont know how I can get things ready for apartment. And don’t want it anymore. I want out of this place that hurt me so bad since a young girl!
NicholeParticipantHow can I do it with sever anxiety attacks. Be there for Nichole?
NicholeParticipantI am no depressed in a hotel!
I’m scared
I think I have panic disorder
NicholeParticipantAnita it sounded good for a minute and then bam. Anxiety!
Mom so scared right now. In my car scared as can be for no reason! This is so bad. I can’t believe this is happening right now.
I fear that I need to go to someone in my family just until I can get this anxiety under control!
This is a bad bad creature I’m dealing with. This has happened three days in a row. Scared as a lunatic in my car for hours. No where to go or nothing to do. No one to call.
I cant do this with this extreme anxiety creeping through my body!
Its in my neck and back and throat and chest. But most painfully my head. I feel like I’m being electrocuted!
Is this normal? Have you experienced this before?
NicholeParticipantYes you are Anita! You are right!
I could have listened to you months ago when you said to detach from family. Maybe I wouldn’t be a hot mess right now. But I accept and forgive my choices with love or at least I am trying!
I honestly feel like singing a lease in Chicago was wrong though. Not sure if it is ptsd or anxiety but I think Florida would have been a better bet from the beginning. I have entered the blender too much. I need time away from the blender of family. I need peace. Plus winter will come and be sad again. I wonder if I could reconsider my lease and just make the drive to Florida and sign one there?? What are your thoughts.
i truly don’t want to make another impulsive decision but also don’t want to continue with family. Even talking to my grandma again yesterday was a hassle!
NicholeParticipantI feel just like my family right now. They sure did make sure of that!
NicholeParticipantI’m not staying here. Getting out tonight. It is almost like a cell. Fits a twin bed and table that is all. You have to climb on bed. I don’t know how I ended up here. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go to family? Why do I sabotage myself into these things? My memory comes and goes. Maybe you can help me understand how my life got here and how I can get some relief! My head and body feel they would be better off to explode!
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 