No just to get away from here

it was my first thought and I didn’t execute

i stayed in hopes for family

and now I’m here. Terrified of the apartment and life

I see. Sorry for that disturbance you are having.

i would definitely email. It is a disturbance.

i know you are limited and i get it.

im just frightened for my life Anita!

Why do I feel this way? Why won’t the stress response calm down for me. Lately it has been on a million. I have had no relief in between. It is bad.

i don’t have anyone to turn to. Not one soul

what do I do, and where do I go? My apartment ready on the first and i don’t even want it!

I dont want want to be here

my life seems ruined. And I know my insomnia and anxiety are playing their role in this but can’t stop it. The thoughts

Anita,

I would not get angry. I am complying with my meds. I am kind and loving. I am genuine and need assistance from someone who gets it. I can make my own appointments. It would so amazing to have someone like you in my life.

My life is upside down and I’m fearful of what’s to come. I didn’t get any sleep. This is my biggest issue. I can’t keep calm. I feel unsafe.

Really did you think about it?

What would be different? I’d have someone who understood my struggle. Someone who has gone through where I have been. A physical being friend who doesn’t just want to take advantage of me. Maybe a fresh start. Maybe a break away from people who wish to hurt me. Maybe a time to heal my head and mind. Maybe some guidance. Maybe a place to feel safe that would calm my fight or flight response. I don’t have anywhere like that here. And the more I am alone the more I feel worse.

No I am not in contact with anyone. I think this is the problem. How can one be so lonely and suffering from insomnia, ptsd, codependency and severe anxiety???

I just don’t feel safe to go to anyone but my mind and head keeps telling me I should. I just know they aren’t going to be able to be emotionally available but maybe at least be in their presence will help?

Anita,

i felt more depressed, worthless, and doubtful then ever today. Not sure if it is any of the meds but my self wasn’t me today. Usually I can still love me. Today not so much. I feel like that insecure, codependent little girl I once was. It’s funny you brang up codependent. I felt it today. I will not lie I almost called Him my ex. I felt I needed to be saved by someone, anyone. And still do. So hard to do this alone. I had to sign the lease and don’t think I can withdraw. I wish I could. I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I’ve only deteriorated in the last two months. I know some of this was my reactions and in ability to focus on me. My therapist told me the day this happened. Focus on you and your goals or you will lose yourself and that’s what they want. And surely I have! I’m disappointed. Scared and hopeless. I don’t want this to be my life. I was actually learning to love me and honor me and live life independently. How did I fade? I don’t know what the point is at this point.

How can I do it with sever anxiety attacks. Be there for Nichole?