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Rachal

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #388836
    Rachal
    Participant

    I hope so too!! Thanks a lot guys!!

    #388796
    Rachal
    Participant

    Thanks a lot guys for hearing me out and giving suggestions and your time!

    #388794
    Rachal
    Participant

    Hi Anita and TeaK,
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>His mother doesnt expect him to come back anytime sooner because he has completed his studies 3 years back and has been earning since then, same with me I have also been earning there for the last 3 years after my studies. And yes, we have discussed about returning back to India because I want to and he is fine with that he says I will if you want me to and he has also started opening bank accounts here and looking for business ideas here in India. So probably we should go for couple therapy before taking any step ahead!!</p>

    #388750
    Rachal
    Participant

    Hi Anita, he is 30 years old and yes they had started showing him prospects of girls of his caste but he said no they even blackmailed him by saying they will stop eating if he doesnt look at the photos to that he lost his mind and said I will also stop eating then and threw his phone out of our balcony, after that episode his parents has not brought up the topic of girls till now, but they dont actually talk to him much just once a wk that too only his dad not his mum so the relationship there is already too weakened but yes he still looks at his phone whenevr he achieves any milestone, he still looks for that approval but somewhere he knows he is never going to get that!

    #388748
    Rachal
    Participant

    Hi TeaK and Anita,

    Thanks for your replies, yes we knew from the very start that his parents are strict his parents used to not allow him to even visit his friend’s place and used to him with belt if he ever brought any female friend home, they have been so strict that they never allowed him to go for stayovers or have female friends. Actually we both decided to hide it from his parents because we both knew how strict and narrow minded they are and when they got to know about us they locked him up in a room and didny let him go out at all. We are living in the US for the last 5 years studying and working and we specially came to India to talk to his parents 3 years back that is when all hell broke loose we did expect some backlash but not so much that they literally locked him in a room, the day he had his flight back to New York he was so happy and he promised he will never come back to India but we are here in India again we just came here last week because my parents were missinh me and I also wanted to see them so he agreed to tag along just for me but ofcourse it was difficult for hik to come back here he decided to not stay with his parents but in an airbnb all alone so he doesnt have to go through the torture again, his parents are unaware that he is here but he has come met my parents couple of times after we landed here, we are going back to US in December 1st wk.

    Yes, we are only happy and content because we are living in US and tend to forget about this problem but we have planned to tackle it once B is done with his therapy that he has just started. I dont know after all this how do I leave him but if not that then probably we will have to take couple therapy because I am still disgusted and dont know how ro feel about and what to do.

    #388742
    Rachal
    Participant

    Oops sorry, I didnt see the name! Thanks for hearing out! When I said the families are involved I meant both set of parents know about us being together, my parents are absolutely okay and happy to have him in our family since they have known him for 12 years and love him and they are also aware that his parents arent okay with this but they still are supporting us with anything and everything and have been waiting patiently for us to get married, my boyfriend also feels a part of ny family but I do feel sometimes that whatever is happening with his parents I might be at the recieving end since I am the only one closest to him, living with him 24/7 I dont think I feel any guilt because I know we havent done anything wrong, his parents havent even met me they dont even know me but still the rejection, his mom has alwsys been the one taking decisions on behalf of the family always and my boyfriend to avoid conflict has always given her an impression that she is in control of his life too which ofcourse is the biggest cause of them not accepting me! But to be in this complication, to lose one’s parents because of this is definitely heart breaking and to see him cry every now and then is also heart breaking. I felt like what if we go ahead with this and somehow I remind him of what he lost, I have already spoken to him about this and he said there is no way I will blame you or look at you as the reason for all this because the reason is only me and my parents and not you, he said he is clear about that and for the past 3 years when the parents fiasco happened we were still able to maintain the sanity in our relationship, it wasnt the same in the start he was too guilty but after few days he became normal and our relationship became the way it was, so may be I am overthinking or may be not I dont know. You said his sexual fantasy might be related to his parents stuff but he first brought this fantasy up 6 years ago when his parents knew nothing and none of the families were involved so may be its not related to his parents rejecting me. But we have had so many obstacles lately, our marriage has been postponed multiple times due to it which makes me think may be the nature is trying to tell me something or I dont know if I am doing the right thing!! Actually I dont know may be I am thinkimg too much and feel drained!

    #388739
    Rachal
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for replying and being there honestly I cant talk to anyone about this and talking here feels like a weight has lifted. About therapy, yes I agree he need to take that but he just started taking therapy to deal with the situation he is unable to deal with (his parents are against me and they have stopped picking up his calls, his mother writes to him every now and then accusing him of ruining the family name and ruining his dad’s health, we made multiple attempts to talk to them but they just dont wana agree to this marriage and he doesnt wana leave me or my family, for him this isnt right and he hasnt been able to deal with his parents behaving this way and has just started taking therapy to deal with it.) With this therapy going on, is it okay/manageable to take another therapy or will it just bow him down more? I really dont know!!!

    #388730
    Rachal
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your response. When he last brought it up we had a huge fight where I told him that he has basically disrespected me and my principles by getting this topic up again and he apologised and said these are just fantasies and he wouldnt ask me to actually go out and do it he said he just wants to play it in his head like a roleplay and he wouldn’t ask me to do anything I am not confortable with. Actually I have been with him for 12 years now and yes he hasnt forced upon any of his fantasies on me or anytime while we are having sex so I dont know if I should neglect all the good things in him and the fact that he has kept me so happy throughout 12 years or should I go ahead with not getting involved with this man at all? I am in a big dilemma because both of our families have been involved and everything. I dont think I know whats the right thing to do here and I am having sleepless nights over it.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)