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I can definitely relate to what your talking about.
I’m a junior in college right now and every relationship I’ve had has been affected by issues of loneliness, isolation, and depression. My first year was especially hard because I had high expectations of meeting some of the best friends of my life, and I often dreamed of college being different than it turned out. I did not in any case, expect to feel as sad and lonely as I ended up feeling. I’m someone who enjoys meeting people, and I like to have GOOD, quality people in my life. Unfortunately, going to school out of state from high school, many people who I thought were quality people I am not longer close to. While I’ve met a lot of people, its always the guys I’m in a relationship with I end up feeling “know me” best or I can truly trust. However, my last boyfriend told me he couldn’t deal with my negativity, and as you said “it was taking its toll”. What your boyfriend doesn’t realize is that there are many challenges for some people in college. For the people that desire close relationships with people who really “get you”. I found people who were a blast to hang out with in college. They were what I wanted from friends. However, they did not treat me with respect, and I’ve encountered the same thing in these past couple years at school.
What I can say is he is a person that is high on life while in high school. He enjoys being a big fish in a small pond where there isn’t a ton of competition, compared to the real world. Once your out here, there are certain things that might set you apart, but its much more difficult to be an arrogant asshole. Unless he’s super rich and his parents can pay his way… One day he might realize what its like to struggle. But if he doesn’t, and some don’t, I would advice you not to put up with it. Take it from me… Some things in life are easier to get through alone. You don’t want to constantly be worrying about this guy, or at least contributing to his over inflated ego by giving him this power. Right now he holds certain power because of his intellect, treatment toward you, and attitude to make you feel worse. I guarantee this guy knows nothing of the pain you’re experiencing. He is doing it because it makes him feel superior… Which seems to be a problem. Trust me, you want a guy who in this situation feelings SYMPATHY. I cannot stress how important that is in a relationship. If he is undermining your feelings in any way, get out. It is not you he cares about. If he did, knowing someone he loved was experiencing distress would cause him distress.
I do wish you luck, I know how sad it is to realize one of the few people who you love, cannot sympathize or help you. But when people can no longer help you, sometimes those people are ones you need to let go. There will be other things, maybe not even a guy, but experiences once you reach them that will make you realize it was for the best.
I just got a job and I’m about to start looking again. I’m not in a “career” position, its one working at a gas station… But in the meanwhile it’s something. I know its not where I want to be. I think looking immediately and continuously is necessary if you know a position isn’t where you want to end up eventually.
I have had my share of difficult personalities in the work place. Naturally I’m very independent as well, so hearing criticism or even implied criticism I’m especially sensitive to. I’m not sure how to deal with the personalities, I guess I try to realize their perspective, but sometimes I think authority figures can underestimate how their words affect workers. I had a manager once joke around with me and pretend he did not know who I was. It was not obvious, and it took awhile for me to realize it was a joke, but I left the conversation feeling very degraded and undervalued none the less. An employee deserves to feel their time is valuable, and not that they are wasting others time. They deserve to feel like they ARE doing the best they can, and its a great job. They deserve to be recognized. In certain circumstances, mistakes are intolerable, but I have had bosses call me out for ridiculous reasons. I have been blamed for things that were not my fault, or hassled frequently about a task I was doing my best to complete. Impatient bosses or managers are really bothersome. If you cannot help an employee, distracting them with asking them time and time again “when will that be done?” will not help them do it any faster. Personally, I just completed a training program where this was the case. The manager and other superiors faulted me for taking the time to do the course at my own speed. And then they got impatient and I began failing every single module I tried to complete. These all had to be repeated. I did not have confidence in myself because what they were telling me was that I was slow, incompetent, and unable to do the task. I now know that I have to go in very early for my first day, and I do not do well in mornings. It is difficult to voice your needs in a position, but you do your best. Let’s hope every manager can be understanding to their employees, and we can be understanding of their responsibilities in return.
I am a junior in college or third year (however its judged according to your country). I can say I have experienced ups and downs in college, and even now face the daily decision of what I will do this fall. I don’t want to be a bad influence on your decision, but I will just say college IS what you make it, because that’s how life is. There are exceptions, and sometimes a school doesn’t fit your needs. I have been to 4 different schools and it might be 5 by my Senior year. I was never like you, however. High School was a struggle with me and I never “fit in”. College is a time to enjoy the present, but you may or may not hold onto the friends you meet, sadly. Many people after college move away to all different locations. Personally, I’m realizing this as I’m reaching my senior year. I know that the people I’ve met will go where they can be successful, regardless of their feelings for me. Someone who is in love with me can’t be near me for this reason, and I know from experience its not easy. While this truth is bittersweet, people will come and go from your life. Socializing is important, but don’t become too attached. Know you will one day be settled and find a path, but its not right now, and those people will help you on that journey. Every relationship and friendship has its place. College is largely about experiencing independence however, and realizing sometimes social life is overrated. Get what enjoyment you can out of the experience.
Wish you luck.June 16, 2013 at 2:21 pm in reply to: when relationships end, even if you don’t want them to. #37023
This story definitely resonates with me, I’m 21 and I just got out of a relationship. The issues that ended the relationship have troubled me because they are as a result of things that have happened in my last relationship as well. My ex boyfriend, we’ll call Chris, did not have enough time to put into the relationship due to his job. The same happened with the guy I was with before Chris. At the beginning everything went well with both Chris and (we’ll call him) Kyle. I’m in school still, but they both were not. They had to work 30 hours + a week and I spent a few hours in class then had nothing else to do. I’m also from Michigan, but I’ve relocated to Georgia and as a result don’t have many close friends. I do have family, but they were 2 hours or so away, so seeing them wasn’t always an option. When I first moved to Georgia I got into a relationship with Kyle. That relationship failed partly because I did not yet understand the importance of experiencing the tough trials of being on your own, being an individual. I wished I had because Kyle was a great guy, probably not the “one” for me, but he did love me. I pushed away his love because I could not accept there was still yet room to grow in my own skin. Instead I struggled socially still in college, as I had in high school, and asked Kyle “why me? why hasn’t this changed?”. I was frustrated that I hadn’t achieved the life and instant gratified happiness I thought would occur in college. I was disillusioned by the external factors that I imagined would help me transform into a happy person. Those being leaving my home town, going to college, and having a relationship. Now I have just had another relationship end because I can’t handle the challenges of life, but I also recognize sometimes in life although we DO rely on relationships for happiness wrongly, we are also sometimes justified in our unhappiness. Chris wasn’t really right for me either in a variety of ways. Whether or not I could ever be content with him, I’m not sure. But our situation, the combination of what he wanted and what I wanted, weren’t aligned. He would have been happy seeing me a couple times a month. I want companions, I want friends. Something stable. Yet maybe I need to deny myself of that external distraction because every time I pursue it, it fails. Something you mentioned that relates to this Anca, your feelings of not loving yourself. I know I struggle with that daily, but I often feel lonely and desire people. Yet no one will become close with you unless you project your best self out to others. Until internally this occurs, it won’t happen with any others; friends and those you want a relationship with. In any case, I keep this in mind while my future is very uncertain, and remind myself to be patient. Do what’s best for you now, I’m very glad to see you too are trying to strengthen your self independently. Life is too short to be miserable because of other people. If it is meant to happen, it will.