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Jes

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  • #76075
    Jes
    Participant

    hey! In a way, I’m glad she hasn’t reached out to you after the heated discussion. She seems like a very insecure person; belittling her own brother and even being as shallow as pointing out how he looks. And because she couldn’t give her brother a reason as to why she didn’t like you, I genuinely think she’s just nit-picking at immature things, which is really sad.

    I’m glad your boyfriend went to talk to his dad (your father-in-law), because i often do this too with my mother. I’m always telling her about how much my sister-in-law is emotionally hurting me. And the best part is, that your father-in-law and my mother both have said the same thing – Stop asking, stop trying to change the way she is and concentrate on the relationship you have with your other half. My mother always says; “You are marrying your boyfriend, not his parents or siblings.” And that is what i always remind myself when times get hard.

    In the past 3 months, I have lost 2 of my Uncles on both my mother’s and father’s side of my family so things here have been horrible for all of us. My mother and father-in-law, phoned my parents to offer their condolences and my boyfriend came to visit the family almost immediately after he heard the news.
    I text my sister-in-law about 2 days ago, asking how she was, how her holiday was with her partner (and he had fallen ill with food poisoning), so i asked if he was feeling better. At first, she read my messages, but didn’t reply. Then the next day, she text me back saying she had forgotten to text me – which i was fine with.
    She asked how i was, to which i said things were getting better around here but its very difficult. At this point, she went quiet.
    Then she said, “Oh my brother’s only just told me about your Uncle. Sorry about that.” I changed the subject very quickly but i was angry.
    I was so angry that my boyfriend didn’t tell her and nobody in his family (cousins, aunties, uncles) offered their condolences at the time. Not even my sister-in-law.
    My sister who is recently and happily married told her in-laws and all her husband’s family, and they were at my house almost everyday after we got the bad news.

    I finally understand, that some people, you will never be able to change, and accepting them for who they are is hard… but you have to do it. After acceptance, you can finally start to live life in peace.
    I’m happy that you have chosen this route too and that things are looking up for you and your boyfriend.
    I’m happy too. Difficult times only make a person stronger!

    Btw, how do you pronounce your name? (There was an Irish girl at school, who had the same name as you but i never spoke to her because i couldn’t say her name!)
    xo

    #75954
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey Saoirse!

    I just wanted to message back to ask how things have been with your sister-in-law and boyfriend since we last spoke?
    Any news or contact with her?

    And what has happened following the meeting she and your boyfriend had, after she admitted her insecurities?

    Mostly, i am hoping you are alright and that your techniques and strategies to deal with this conflict, are getting stronger.
    I really hope you are finding a way to feel peace inside 🙂

    x

    #75181
    Jes
    Participant

    So many posts on Italy! I adore Italy. I visited the Vatican City when i visited Rome, and broke down in tears when i stepped inside. It was just so beautiful.
    The sun is amazingly soothing, and yes @sheila-mccann and @dominque-young the Gelato! I had a Nutella one!

    @dominque-young My boyfriend lives in London and i LOVE it too. One of favourite places is Covent Garden. Whats yours?


    @gixter
    Bora Bora is a potential honeymoon holiday for me, and for a woman who has never been to a beach, I think it would be the perfect first beach holiday! What do you think? 😀

    I have to say, one of the fabulous places, i have been lucky enough to visit on Valentine’s Day, was Paris. My boyfriend and i, went everywhere and even locked our padlock of love on the special bridge. It was gorgeous.

    Any other European country suggestions to visit? Have a holiday booked for Venice, next month – Italy, what can i say?! Haha 🙂

    I always try remember that the world is a beautiful place and it doesn’t take much to see it’s beauty everywhere and anywhere i go.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Jes.
    #75180
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey!
    Love this post already – Music is big part of my life! 🙂

    Even though i love listening to rap music quite a lot, I have a certain few artists that i just adore.

    I love listening Jhene Aiko. She has 2 albums so far – ‘Sailing Soul(s)’ and ‘Souled Out.’ She is a Buddhist American Singer-Songwriter, with the most beautiful soft voice and a very interesting life. My favourite songs of hers are ‘Spotless Mind’ (the video on youtube is also amazing!>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaF-pGyKaOg ) ‘Everything Must Go’, ‘Eternal Sunshine’ and ‘Afternoon Dream’. But there are so many others you will just love to listen to as well.
    Her voice is captivating and so peaceful.

    When i don’t want to listen to that sort of music, i turn to soundtracks from movies.
    My favourite soundtrack is ‘The Road To Perdition’ by the composer called, Thomas Newman. It’s beautiful.
    Amongst my other favourite composers are Hans Zimmer, James Newton Howard, James Horner, Danny Elfman and John Williams.
    If you Googled these names, some big movies will be attached to them!

    Also @katie – I love Fleet Foxes! And Mumford and Sons too! Both albums are amaze 🙂

    #75179
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey!

    You’re very welcome! I’m so glad that her parents can see that you have done nothing wrong. It’s not quite like that with my situation – My boyfriend’s parents come down like a tonne of bricks on him but let his sister get away with a lot of things.
    Its really refreshing to hear that they are on your side! (I hope one day his parents will be on my side too!)

    I have steered my boyfriend over to a more spiritual way of thinking recently, after reading Thich Nhat Hanh books and being the amazing person he is, he has fully embraced my Buddhist family background and hopped on the bandwagon.

    I have to see my future sister-in-law pretty much every fortnight, but i have stopped texting her to ask how she is now, as i used to do it frequently and get one word answers. I have taken the opportunity to go to a hen-do of our future cousin AND share a room with her mom AND her! BIG STEPS!
    I know its going to be difficult and i’m very sure she doesn’t like being around me, but I have made the effort to be around her, so i will just be myself, but try to remember the things i have read in books to help me get through the hen-do weekend.

    I am worried too, that i have to see her; watch her pull funny faces at my jokes, roll her eyes, and not even look at me when i’m trying to talk to her. But i’ve accepted that she is her own person and if thats the way she is, then so be it. Like you said, worrying isn’t going to help the situation or you.

    Will definitely give you an update on the hen-do weekend scheduled at the end of next month. And on any mindful thinking that helped me get through it 🙂

    #75176
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey Crystal,

    You can do anything when you out your mind to it! I read the first line of your post and was like ‘ohhhh my goshhh! a vet intern?! a teaching assistant?! thats awesome!’
    I’m a higher level teaching assistant too, and i love my job. I’m looking for a new one like you are and i too have had emotional abuse from loved ones.

    I always keep my thoughts in my head and my mouth closed for if i said what i thought, i wouldn’t get very far. But really, all you need if self- belief and courage. Stand up and hold your head high; the children’s motto at school is “Reach for the Stars!” and as a member of staff, i believe in that too!

    Your best bet here, is to stay in education and work with children as an assistant. You’ll find it’s really rewarding and you can go home feel happy and relaxed after spending the day with young minds and personalities.
    From here too, you can safely and moderately expand your career whilst working, going from a level 2 assistant, to a level 3 and then even getting your HLTA status like me.

    In terms of having a social anxiety issue, try going out by yourself more often – perhaps to the cinema, or just for a walk, shopping, join a club or the gym. And after your confidence grows, you will be able to make friends and become more socially interactive. This will also help with you becoming more independent.

    Be kind to yourself, Crystal and remember to have confidence and self-belief.

    “If you have good thoughts, they will shine out your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” – Roald Dahl

    Best of luck!

    #75065
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey thethinker2015,

    This post particularly interested me, as i have too been through a stage of ‘rebuilding’ my life again. When i read your post, there was one thing that drew me to it. When i had this problem, i sought advise through books and teachings i had learnt from my past.

    You said you wanted something a little stronger, and i found the perfect thing i could (and hopefully you too) can use and relate to about this topic.
    I have recently been reading a book. It’s a well known book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.
    This book is a very good for helping with these kinds of issues. It is also very straight forward and blunt when giving advise on trying to be happy in life.

    The book states that if you if you attract the good instead of the bad than it will bring you what you want. It all inter-links with the law of attraction – ‘The Law of Attraction simple gives you whatever it is you are thinking about’. When you focus on the things that you don’t want – ‘i don’t want to be late, i don’t want to be late’ – the law of attraction doesn’t hear that you don’t want to be late. It manifests the things that you’re thinking of and so they show up over and over and over again.’

    When you are in a family situation, and you’re worried about what your wife has said about them in the past, try to think positively and the positive beams will shine through you and only attract the good to you and your wife.

    Try to talk to your wife too. Like Inky said, ‘HURT people, hurt people’, so over a period of time, find out why she bad-mouthed your family and if anything is hurting her too. But remember to use the Law of Attraction in every situation, to make sure that it is a positive one and not a negative one. Once you know how to be more happier about situations and can trust yourself to let go of the things your wife once said, you’ll feel at peace with yourself and continue to radiate good, positive vibes through your thoughts and actions.

    Little bit sketchy but i hope this has helped 🙂

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Jes.
    #74754
    Jes
    Participant

    My potential sister in law is somewhat the same as this. But she is very quiet about how she continuously makes my life difficult. My boyfriend’s mother and father have invited my family around at the weekend to spend some time at their house in Essex and given the opportunity, we took up the offer due to the fact that i live in the West Midlands.
    I only found out that my boyfriend’s sister was not going to be present at the FIRST family get together because she wants to revise for an exam she has in 2 weeks.
    I was angry and upset that she wasn’t making the effort with me or my family and that she had used a lame excuse to get out of this family get together.

    After a while though, i realised that only getting myself down about it is only going to hurt me even more inside. I knew that i had made many efforts with her in the past and none of them had been acknowledged by her or her parents but i decided that i wasn’t going to be sad about it anymore.

    My advise to Saoirse, is to just hold your head up high and carry on being happy with every intention and thought of happiness in your body.

    My 3 tips to follow are:
    1.) Speak when you are spoken to.
    – the best thing to do is just be quiet and listen to your surroundings. Embrace the world you are in and look at all the natural things that bring you make down to earth again. When someone asks you a question, answer it and then resume with looking around. Simple.

    2.) Don’t get angry.
    – As the timeless Disney (and very annoying) song goes, ‘Let it go!’ If you hold it with you for days and nights, you’re only hurting yourself. Don’t let negativity like that get the better of you. You are in charge of you and you can control your thoughts to be positive, happy and free.

    3.) Read books and talk about your emotions on a regular basis.
    – This one is a bit far-fetched but if you talk about your problems with a close friend or boyfriend you will feel like you can finally be at peace once its out. The most important part after you do this is DON’T GET YOUR ANGER GET THE BETTER OF YOU. Consider this to be the last thing you do before closing the case and not mentioning it again.
    Books are a really good way to get into the spiritual side of feeling better about yourself. My most recent read was a book by one of my favourite people in the world – Thich Nhat Hanh. (He is really good at making you feel better about yourself and not getting angry about insignificant others that try to get you down!)

    Practice self-control. Be witty but not rude and don’t let it get you down.

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