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How to forgive?

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  • #75049
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,

    I have been taking the past few years to “rebuild” myself. I finally turned the mirror around so to speak and looked inward on things I needed to fix about myself. One of the things I have learned about myself is I don’t really know how to forgive people. A current problem I’m having with a person I’m in a relationship with is as follows.

    LOTS of things have been said against my family and myself from my wife. We are still married and trying to patch the holes but during this process my brain cant seem to let go of the attacks she made against my family. When all of us get together instead of trying to enjoy the evening I’m just sitting around thinking of all the horrible things she has said in the past against them. She has since said “Sorry” but my brain seems to sit on guard waiting for the next attack and cant seem to chill out or calm down.

    Any suggestions other than little catch phrases like “Forgiveness is for you not the other person”. Those are nice but I need something a little stronger.

    #75052
    SolM
    Participant

    Forgiveness can come to anyone naturally, wounds can be heal by time but you can teach and train yourself to let go of things what matters most is the present. Enjoy, this is your chance to appreciate life and the people around you.Choose LOVE!

    #75053
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi thethinker2015,

    Was there a kernel of truth in what your wife had said? Or, can you see why she would have said them? Alternatively, ask yourself this: what would have had to happen in a person’s life to cause them to say such things?

    Remember, HURT People Hurt People!

    Once those issues are cleared in your wife, AND once some time has passed, I bet your brain will calm down and not be so on guard.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    #75065
    Jes
    Participant

    Hey thethinker2015,

    This post particularly interested me, as i have too been through a stage of ‘rebuilding’ my life again. When i read your post, there was one thing that drew me to it. When i had this problem, i sought advise through books and teachings i had learnt from my past.

    You said you wanted something a little stronger, and i found the perfect thing i could (and hopefully you too) can use and relate to about this topic.
    I have recently been reading a book. It’s a well known book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.
    This book is a very good for helping with these kinds of issues. It is also very straight forward and blunt when giving advise on trying to be happy in life.

    The book states that if you if you attract the good instead of the bad than it will bring you what you want. It all inter-links with the law of attraction – ‘The Law of Attraction simple gives you whatever it is you are thinking about’. When you focus on the things that you don’t want – ‘i don’t want to be late, i don’t want to be late’ – the law of attraction doesn’t hear that you don’t want to be late. It manifests the things that you’re thinking of and so they show up over and over and over again.’

    When you are in a family situation, and you’re worried about what your wife has said about them in the past, try to think positively and the positive beams will shine through you and only attract the good to you and your wife.

    Try to talk to your wife too. Like Inky said, ‘HURT people, hurt people’, so over a period of time, find out why she bad-mouthed your family and if anything is hurting her too. But remember to use the Law of Attraction in every situation, to make sure that it is a positive one and not a negative one. Once you know how to be more happier about situations and can trust yourself to let go of the things your wife once said, you’ll feel at peace with yourself and continue to radiate good, positive vibes through your thoughts and actions.

    Little bit sketchy but i hope this has helped 🙂

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Jes.
    #75136
    Jill
    Participant

    It is SO tough to forgive someone for words that have caused pain. It sounds like there is some anger that you have buried? It is hard to figure out how to express anger when it involves a spouse. Do you think that expressing that anger in an appropriate way (for example, writing an angry letter and then burning it) would help you to let go a bit more and start to embrace forgiveness?

    #75158
    sais
    Participant

    Hey thethinker2015,

    I totally understand how you feel, forgiveness can be one of the hardest thing to do. But you have to think of yourself and the end goal that you are hoping to achieve. In this case I assume patching the holes in your marriage? I have just ended a relationship were it was constant arguing and saying sorry but the sorry was never actually taken on board. It left issues festering and in the end walking away was the only option I had. When you hold onto that anger it changes you as a person and it affects the relationship with the person that you love. I do not regret walking away even though it was painful it was the right thing to do, but you have to think of yourself maybe taking time away will help you to fully see what it is you want? It is a massive cliche but life is really too short and not forgiving things that have been said in the heat of the moment can be the worst thing to do. and letting go can make you happier.
    I’m sorry for waffling and I hope I provided at least a little help.
    I hope it all works out somehow for you x

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