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PikeMan

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  • #327217
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Well, we talked last night. I told her that i appreciate the way she has been treating me with respect and thinking of my needs lately. I then said that i have a tiny devil on my shoulder saying that you’re just playing nice until the end of the year then you’ll move out. Her response was “it’s a strong possibility, yes”..

    So we started to talk about what that would look like, her moving out, and i got the feeling she didn’t really think this all through. She has talked to no one but the counselor so i told her she needs to talk to her mom and dad, get this off her chest, or talk to someone..

    I want to give her an ultimatum, talk to her parents or i will. I feel that they need to know.. Thoughts?

    #327143
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Jim,

    Thank you for responding. Yea it’s defiantly taxing and like you said, one day your fine, the next you’re struggling, like i am today. My plan is to talk to her tonight after church, and see how she feels things are at. I keep having this little devil on my shoulder telling me that she’s going to move out at the end of the year so i want to address that feeling with her, see what she says. Hopefully it’s just me overreacting and just being a worrier (which i always have been)..

    Again, thank you.

     

    #327131
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Yes, that’s who I was maybe.. 2 years or so ago. I changed and made mistakes. I just hope that it’s not to little to late.. Time will tell. But thank’s for talking Anita, appreciate it

    #327123
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Anita,

    My wife is not a stay at home mom, she has a full time job so adding that stress to everything else just made our relationship worse.

    No, i never told her that i thought about other women when we were intimate, i agree, that would be cruel. And no, i never asked a woman out or anything. Not to sound arrogant or anything but, i have been told that i am very charming, and it’s easy for me to talk to women? If that makes sense? So i’d flirt with them and idk, build my ego? idk..

    When i said, never put my wife first, i would put myself first. “how does this decision to buy a new tv affect me” or “if i work late, it’s fine, my wife is home and she can cook/clean/feed the kids/put them to bed”. Basically i was selfish. I know that that happens to people but, it obviously happened to me, and i am admitting i was wrong.

    #327113
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Anita,

    My mistakes were, that I really took her for granted. I put all the house stuff, like cleaning, cooking, taking both kids to school, laundry,, everything, on her. I focused more on work. I thought about other women, i flirted with other women. I imagined having sex with other women while having sex with my wife. I never cheated or anything like that but, I found myself thinking i could do better with a girl i saw someplace. I never put my wife first, for anything.

    I travel a lot for work and we’d send each other nude pic’s once inĀ  a while and i always wanted more from her, both riskier pic’s and to do more things sexually, which she doesn’t really want to do.

    So, all of this, what were going through, has really opened my eyes to the way i was treating her. To me i really f*cked up because i have an amazing person who did all of that for me and my children without ever complaining until one day she broke.

    Now i am not saying that i am 100% at fault here, she has made her mistakes on things, which again, human..

    Idk, in my eye’s i was an awful man and didn’t respect/love her the way i should have.

    #327053
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Alright, figured i’d give an update. But first i want to say thank you all again for giving me wisdom and a place to talk, much appreciated.

    So, we’re still together, thankfully. I did go and spend over $300 on a few shirts and have been exercising. Also got some new cologne. Working on me a little more. We’ve been seeing a marriage counselor and he’s been helping out with getting us to talk, which we desperately need to do!

    One thing that has crossed my mind and i did bring it up to her is that, (sorry, might be a lot of TMI) I had a vasectomy in March, she stopped taking her birth control roughly around July/August? I am really wondering if all of this is hormonal? We had my work Xmas party on Sat night and a few of the directors from my company, which we’re all friends and hang out and what not but, 3 of them didn’t’ come talk to us because they were mingling and we had left early to relieve her parents because they were watching our kids. So we left and she started to cry in the truck saying their a-holes for not talking to us.. Seem’s like she’s really guided by emotions right now?? It was just a thought, could be way off base but, wanted your opinions on that one.

    She hasn’t said “i want to be with you” but she has been acting really nice and thoughtful of me. Asking if i want her to make me a mix drink or asking if i need anything if she goes someplace, idk, just nicer to me. She still give’s me kiss’s before i leave for work and when i get home, also before we go to bed. A few times laying in bed she’ll reach over and hold my hand or rub my chest, just little thing’s i am noticing. We both like those Marvel movies and she’s been wanting to watch them with me so, lately we’ve been sitting downstairs watching these movies and kind of laughing/having a good time, making fun of Hollywood and stuff, idk seem’s like the “old us” before we had kids.

    We had a chat on Friday night and, she said she’s still unsure if she wants to be with me and that she was thinking about moving out in Sept. Which kind of got me upset and i said “Look, if you want to divorce and drag us through the mud, ruin our little family, have to answer to our kid’s (5yr and 2yr old) why dad isn’t here or why mom isn’t here, then that’s on you. I can’t change how you feel. If we divorce i will still be nice and curtious to you but i will cut you from my life, you will be nothing more than a woman who i loved and had kids with. I will not talk bad about you but i will not care about you anymore” and so she started to cry and i kind of felt bad but, Idk if it was the right move or not, i guess i wanted to rattle her cage a little bit.. Thoughts?

    Oh, and my sexual tension is HORRIBLE.. gahhhh sorry, TMI again!

    So, i guess i am still holding on to hope that she’ll come around. She really is an amazing, incredible woman. I really lost sight of her i guess, got caught up in my own world with work and myself.. i really screwed up and have made my mistakes, i am human.

    Anyways, thanks for letting me vent again, hope everyone is staying warm!

    #323815
    PikeMan
    Participant

    I am so thankful i found this site, thank you ALL!!

    Ok, distance it is and this guy is bringing the sexy back!

    I know i’ve said this before but saying it again, THANK YOU!!!!

    #323803
    PikeMan
    Participant

    So what you’re saying is sleep in other rooms?

    #323795
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’ve always been a fixer. I’ve always been a very sensitive man who wears his emotions on his sleeves. This will be a very difficult task but you make absolute sense “better not repeat what doesn’t work”.

    My only fear is, my wife is very stubborn and prideful, i fear that my distance will “reaffirm” her decisions to start winding this marriage down. That’s why I’ve been reluctant to do the distance thing but, i guess that’s not working for me either so i guess i will try the distance approach.

    Again, thank you so very much for the support and taking time out of your day to help, and that goes for everyone who comments on this.

    #323789
    PikeMan
    Participant

    I truly believe she is driven by emotions, but how can someone be so callus towards someone they love. She is stonewalling me and dropped that bomb on me then doesn’t say hardly anything.. Only time she talks is through text and that started yesterday.. It’s almost heartless… maybe she’s gone, her loss i guess..

    I am not giving up though, tomorrow is a new day. Putting one foot in front of the other, making the best of a crap situation.

    I am in love with that woman!

    #323769
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Jim,

    Thank you also for responding. I completely understand what you mean by smothering. I guess this totally blind sided me so now months of me not doing what i should have done is pouring out like crazy.

    I will continue being the man of my word and doing what needs to be done, although it’ll be hard I know i can do it, for my kids’ sake.

    She had sent me a text after i wrote the first post saying “i feel we are in separate places, wanting different things. I feel we have become more like friends than anything else” which i would agree, but it takes two to keep the spark alive. I feel like she’s already given up hope. I almost feel bad for her, what happens if we end this then she’s onto the next relationship then things go stale, she’ll move on again and never be happy.. that’s awfully sad.

    But again, thank you for the words of encouragement and support.

     

    #323767
    PikeMan
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for responding. By those i mean, the last few months putting my job first, not being there to help out around the house and the kids.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)