Hi,

Do they have any ties, so for example kids or anything?

How long has this been happening?

Hi merp1234,
I wonder why you are here asking these questions when you haven’t approached him – the other person in the relationship?
Would you approach him to have this conversation?

Hi heartbrokengurl,
I hate to say this because people always think “Oh shut up” but this will pass.
I can say this from recent experience.. I had been on & off with my ex since June and only within the last month have I decided to cut things off with him due to his poor attitude towards me. He had a temper and would always try to be right, wouldn’t listen or value me etc – he had good qualities too don’t get me wrong.
I have felt so stuck and so in a rut for so many months (7 months to be precise!) and I guess for me I was holding on something that I truly knew was never going to happen and that’s ok – because had I not been in this rut I wouldn’t have learned my value or my worth and a lot about myself and him – I also could’ve tried to revisit things with him at a later date having not done it before. These things take time, we can’t just turn off feelings for someone that we have invested a lot of time and effort in.

I don’t know why you broke up but… The only bit of advice I can give you that I worked on for myself is – if he makes an effort, both physically and emotionally.. so he calls you wants to make things work, apologises with actions as well as words and shows he is truly sorry (or if he hasn’t ‘done anything wrong’) proves his love to you, unconditionally, then this to me is the only way I would ever had reconsidered starting something back up with him. If a man wants something/someone.. he will go and get it no matter what. Unfortunately for my ex he was saying he loved me and wanted me back but made no effort physically to do so and continued to message other girls saying “why should he wait around”.. the type of attitude I didn’t want.

Hi Michele,
I personally think moving in should be put on the back burner for now until you’re both financially stable. He is probably fearing that he will have to foot most of the bill for moving out – and nobody wants that on their shoulders.
If you’re meant to be together then waiting for a while isn’t a bad suggestion.
Also look into “I messages” when communicating with him – this doesn’t seem to be a problem but can help.
I also would like to think that you would be able to communicate more effectively before moving in with someone anyway as you may see it as a small thing but it’s one of the biggest and most important aspects of a relationship.
🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Poppyxo.

Oh bless you, I really feel your pain.

I need to make you aware of a few points that you said…
Originally in your previous post you said “But I also know this is not a thinking thing, it’s a feeling thing and my biggest challenge in life is living from my heart instead of my head.”

Now you’ve said “I get triggered from anything – songs on the radio, thoughts of my life without him, thoughts of his rejection of me after all we’ve been through together.”

You hear a song on the radio, you replay a part of your life, that, at the time was good (maybe?)& In all honesty this is a hard one as it triggers a memory so I can’t say ‘dont make a story out of it’ but I can say that to the rest. Thoughts of your life without him – you probably tend to make a story out of what if this happened or I can’t believe this happened… Your dragging yourself into a story. Then thoughts of rejection.. you’re thinking about him leaving you again, making a story out of it. When I say story I don’t mean you’re making stuff up, but you’re reliving what’s happened in your head & that’s not healthy for you. Accept the song makes you sad & just feel the sadness. Try not to have thoughts in your mind about the relation the song has (hard I know, but that’s where your meditation practise comes in)

Your story sounds so like mine! I went through rejection with my ex & I’ve been left all the time by men. I give them everything they could ever ask for & only recently I got in touch with an ex from a few years ago & asked why he cheated & treated me like crap & his honest answer was that he could get away with anything because there were no consequence to his actions because I always forgave him & from my eyes saw the good side to him. Sometimes you have to own your part in something.. this hurts, but the realisation after opens you up to know that moving forward you can change this & eventually find someone better. I’m not saying that’s the end goal as it’s not, however, if you’re on the path I’ve recently ventured off, (which I think you are) you may be thinking why does this always happen to me? Why do people leave? Realising these things will almost make you think “see, told you it was me” but look at it in that it gives you the tools to heal & change moving forward. I apologise if that’s not what you want to hear or that doesn’t fit your situation, I just thought I’d share my experience as it may resonate with you.

And don’t worry, I done the whole sleep with him still text him etc, it’s normal, we still have feelings for them. It isn’t pathetic, none of this is, this is your life, far from it. If we don’t do or find these things out now, we may be tempted to re open it in the future.

You mentioned you can’t speak your truth, what truth is this? You’re afraid you’ll lose connection? Would you not say you already have? Have you got anything to lose by speaking your truth? How do you know he isn’t thinking the same as you? Being open is by far the best thing you can do, either way, good or constructive. I feel you probably feel so constrained because you have so much inside that you want to get out – to him?

I feel, again, from my experience that he’s your addiction because of your lack of self love & self worth.. & please don’t see me saying this an attack on you as a person, far from it.. but because you don’t love yourself fully you need/want him to fill that empty gap.
You need to learn how to fill it yourself & this is when healing will truly take place once you learn that only you in this life can truly fill that gap. If you go around life trying to fill it with money, things & other people I’m sorry to say but it’ll always be there.
I know this is alot to take in & you’ve been through a hell of alot, but do you know what, you’re recognising it & talking about it & you should be so proud of yourself! Start focusing on yourself completely, your health, your well-being, physically & mentally. Go do things you enjoy.. they say the best thing for healing is to experience joy!! 🙂 you’ll do it, I know you can. You have so much knowledge already & I know putting it into practice is the hardest part, but when you start to notice the change & contentment in you, you’ll realise your such a powerful person you’ll never want too stop! 🙂

Let me know your thoughts & obviously keep me updated! Xx