Thank you Mark

I think you’re absolutely right. I don’t really express myself too well and when I talk to friends I begin to babble making myself look silly and feel insecure. A quick background into my life. Was Daddy’s girl, encouragement given by Dad to proceed in life (which was not pursued due to mom wearing trousers). Arranged marriage at 17 (arranged by mom and uncles), lasted 3 years. Divorcee with a son for 5 and a half years. Re-married to someone of my choice, initially I wasn’t accepted by his family due to being a divorcee with a child. My family members although in existence, drifted away as they weren’t fond of him either. Went through all aspects of abuse from ‘then’ husband and verbal abuse from his family, kept it all hush hush. His family accepted me 2 years later and eventually fell in love with me for the person that I was. 2007 my father taken extremely ill, abroad, went to visit with my brother. Within the week of being there, my father passed away. In the meantime, my son ‘then’ 10 yrs of age was sexually assaulted by my ex husband (his step father) in our home (whilst I was abroad at my father’s bedside during his last breaths). This lowlife of a human, not only tortured me upon my return to the UK a week after burying my father abroad, but made himself out to be someone who was next to being GOD……I couldn’t grieve as I was fearful of him. He was a control freak and would put me down constantly. ……. DV was a constant in my marriage from the time of marriage and the initial break up of the marriage was due to abuse which I no longer could tolerate. 2 months after the separation, my son came clean with what he had suffered in the hands of this monstrosity whom I looked to as a protector. My world collapsed around me……. I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t. I NEVER thought that he would turn out to be this evil. Married for over 11 years adding 2 more boys to marriage, I tolerated the anger, hurt, pain and abuse over the years ALONE……this was it. To cut a long story short, the ex husband was found guilty on 4 accounts. Given a 4 year imprisonment (disgusting!!!!) 2 of which he served in prison and the other 2 years which he will be on licence for as of tomorrow (29th December 2013) when he will be released……… So for me its been a long testing few years, but I guess for me to be here, stronger than ever, yes with outbreaks of teardrops every now and again but still soldiering on I guess I can only have some hope for the future…………………….. My father is my guardian angel and I know that he watches over me all the time…………. I miss him very much and I sure miss being center of attention at times too………………….I guess more the ‘you’ll be ok’s’ and hugs………………. 🙁

Hi Lee

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words of support. You’re right. I’ve started to have some ‘me’ time. I do voluntary work with 3 different organisations throughout the week whilst the kids are at school which I enjoy doing and get great satisfaction out of doing so. I also make time to go play badminton with my friends at least once a week. I make myself time to watch movies at home after the kids are in bed at least once a week and on occasions go out every once in a while. I’m improving slowly but surely. I live my life without having a care as to what others may think of me as I am now discovering myself and beginning to like who I am.

My strength and willpower are my children and my friends and I’ve gained enough confidence to know what I am good at best. I will continue to live and not let life live me anymore.

Warm wishes

Reha

Hey Guys

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and support and as for you Mo, I feel blessed to have friends like you around and I also whole heartedly value your friendship which I’m sure you already know……Its friends like you who make me feel my existence. My days pass by with smiles and a light heart although I also find it truly amazing how people who have never met one another and don’t know each other can also have such a positive impact on others lives and share so much warmth and support enabling one another to see a more clearer and positive vision of their future or the next positive step to take. There are so many wonderful people out there and I feel honoured to be part of that circle.

Thank you all so much. Mo! the message I wrote at work was one I felt in my heart and mind but was too fearful to put down, but you being the friend you are knew that and sent it on my behalf, I’m still laughing about the way that was sent……… but I’m glad. It would be a big step for me to take, but I will one day (hopefully soon) find myself.

x

Dear Helen

Thank you for your kind words. I am 38 years old and guess never really got to experience what life was really about as I was married at the age of 17. I’ve never been in any relationships than that of marriage. I do a great deal of community work which I thoroughly enjoy as I feel that I am giving something back to the community which is beneficial to others. I have a great relationship with my children as also know each and every one of their friends and have a great rapport with all our neighbours. I am to be honest pretty much popular for being the ‘coolest mom’, ‘coolest aunt’, ‘coolest neighbour’ and so forth. I do what I do within the community not just for my satisfaction but also to encourage my children to be part of it and for them to know how important it is to live within a diverse community which involves respecting each individual regardless of race, gender or background. I think what I really miss most is being able to be ME. I am who I am for my children but who am I for ME. There are times when I feel I need a cry, a hug or even encouragement and don’t know where to go or who to go to. I have a circle of amazing friends but they too have commitments and I don’t want to burden them. Most times I hug my children and hold back my tears and then go to my room and bury my head into the pillow. I guess had I not had a past that was so daunting then today I wouldn’t need to shed so much tears or feel so much pain, but there are answers I look for and seem not to find any. I am an orphan with a parent who doesn’t realise my existence, but I am also a mother with unconditional love for my children who I protect to the best of my ability. I’m in a life that’s already made by others. To live my life my way would mean for me to be outrageously mad, out of this world, absolutely bonkers as I would live life daringly. I just hope that this pain eventually dies out and I at least get a few years of living my way before my times up.

x