September 22, 2013 at 6:40 am #42577
In every interaction that I have with others – I try to be respectful, gentle & kind. I try to cheer up those that are feeling down and make them feel they are of significant worth & value (especially children/elderly).
Throughout my life, I have met some people that have an emerging pattern of being the opposite of this – disrespectful/rough/cruel/manipulative. Some that are outwardly mean to anyone who doesn’t do exactly want they want and those that try to create drama by spreading invalid/mean gossip. Life is already difficult, why do some people intentionally try to hurt others? And is there a way of strengthening the mind/emotions (e.g. through meditation), so that one can maintain a sense of inner peace around those that are mean-spirited??
Thanks!September 22, 2013 at 8:49 am #42585
The release from that view is “healthy people don’t do that.” Is that enough, can you see it from there? Tangles that push them?
MattSeptember 26, 2013 at 1:12 am #42811
Hi Matt, thankyou very much for your advice!
I am slightly confused, is there a book/youtube vid that would help me to become released from that view? It would be great to have inner peace around those that are not so pleasant to be around. I had the view that emotionally healthy people don’t hurt others, they practice acceptance/compassion instead. But maybe I need to take a step back, & see there actions as not “unhealthy”, but they may be going through things in their life (e.g. external stressors, relative in the hospital/medical condition), that could be contributing to their lack of respect/kindness/gentleness.
AquaSeptember 26, 2013 at 6:43 am #42815
I’m not sure about a YouTube video, you could search for “metta guided meditation” if you’re looking to strengthen your warmth for all living beings. Consider the following story:
There was a community of monks living under the guidance of an elder master. They were very satisfied with their collective practice, cultivating mindfulness and merit. One day a new monk arrived, who wash brash in manner and snuck alcohol into the monastery. The other monks were outraged, and came to the elder. “That new monk does not live in accordance with the dharma, and he must go.” The elder replied “he may stay.” The other monks looked at each other, and decided that either he must go, or they would go and told the elder this. The elder replied “go if you wish, but there is none here in more need of remaining than the new monk.”
When we look at others who have patterns of unskillful behaviors, it is reasonable to regard their actions as unhealthy. Not as unhealthy for us, but unhealthy for them. Like your observation that maybe they have a loved one in a hospital… there is a reason, on their side, why they act the way they do. There is a result, on their side, which is painful for them. We don’t need to know or imagine the reasons why, it is enough to know that unhealthy actions arise from confusion. It doesn’t have to be about us. Its not like “how dare they pollute MY beautiful world with their stank”… that is our grasping, our confusion. A bird acts like a bird, a badger like a badger, and someone who suffers acts unhealthily. Nature being natural.
MattSeptember 27, 2013 at 12:36 am #42857
Great advice – thankyou very much, Matt!October 6, 2013 at 12:52 am #43286
Quick update – Metta mediation works!! I loved this one > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg5fSjehETk > it’s a relaxing mediation & easy to follow. The more I practice, the more I feel a sense of feeling balanced & at peace within as well as with those that have been hurtful in the past.
AquaOctober 6, 2013 at 6:14 am #43290
Sadhu sadhu sadhu! Namaste Aqua, glad to hear you’re doing well.
MattOctober 6, 2013 at 12:16 pm #43296Alexey SunlyParticipant
I am glad to hear that your new meditation practice is helping you! Meditation is a very important habit to practice on daily basis. And there are many types of meditation that we might need to practice depending on our needs, so if you ever get a chance to consult a professional coach to help you, definitely take the opportunity 🙂 Also, please, check out the following thread on health and fitness habits that should also be very helpful to your understanding why some people behave the way they do and how you can help yourself: OVERCOME YOUR DEMONS.
All the best!October 10, 2013 at 5:43 pm #43600rehaParticipant
This the first time I’ve accessed this site through the recommendation of a dear friend and having read what you’ve written, I can fully relate to how you feel. Don’t change yourself or your ways as that is unique quality you alone possess. Some of us are blessed with such sincerity, kindness and warmth and its only a matter of time that someone who is just as sincere, kind, caring and warm will see that quality within you. A good friend of mine once told me ‘people that gossip about you, obviously find you interesting, and that’s their way of expressing their interests’. Sometimes, if not a majority of the times, its your own flesh and blood that are mean spirited and create frictions by spreading rumours, which really brings your emotional and mental state of mind to hit rock bottom. If you however, put yourself in their shoes, can you see them cheering you up or making you laugh or guiding you in any form, shape or way to encourage you to free yourself from that situation or make you feel significant? Unfortunately not all people wear their heart on their sleeve. You’re an amazing person and only another amazing person can see you for the real you. Inner peace is within you. The strength to overcome these issues is already embedded in you and when the right time approaches you will be surprised at yourself, believe me. I’ve gone through situations upon situations where I’ve hit rock bottom and felt suffocated when trying to get back on my feet and you know what?! the only person that gave me that strength and courage to be able to rise above all that was ME. Be strong, be true to yourself and the only person that needs to be made to feel significant is YOU. I don’t know if what I’m about to suggest will benefit you at all, but one of my remedies to overcome my anger and pain is writing poems about my feelings. I find it therapeutic and it also helps me to relax. I will strongly suggest to you however, that in order to feel good within yourself, get rid of the negative people in your life and focus on the ones that wont push you when you’re already down. Have positive people in your life.
RehaOctober 11, 2013 at 6:40 pm #43651
Thanks Reha!! I appreciate the encouragement & suggestions – it really cheered me up today!!
AquaOctober 12, 2013 at 10:38 am #43659rehaParticipant
Its a pleasure and I truly hope that you take on board some of these pointers as I believe you deserve to be treated with love, respect and dignity and as I’ve already mentioned, only YOU can achieve that.
I wish you all the best.
RehaOctober 13, 2013 at 12:59 pm #43690LesterParticipant
‘the truth need not attack head on but merely stand its ground’
‘your dignity is both your shield and your sword’
Quotes of mine, I hope that they give you strength.
Have the courage to be yourself and best wishes