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Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
It seems to me you have been touching on something “just out of the corner of the eye” that resonated with my own ponderings. That word Loneliness associated with darkness, how it colors life and that ache. I do not wish to say to much more as it feels like space to hold for a while.
I will share an accompanying thought that has been arising as I’ve sat in T.S Eliots words and that you also echo in your last respnse. And “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19).
Mary doesn’t rush to interpret or act. She doesn’t try to control or explain. She simply holds with reverence, the unfolding of life, even when it’s confusing or painful. The feminine wisdom of contemplation, of allowing meaning to ripen in the heart over time.
In Jungian terms “Mary” the ‘sacred container’, the vessel of the Self that holds paradox, uncertainty, and transformation. A reminder that not all truths are meant to be solved or spoken. Some truths grow stronger in stillness. Some healings need to happen in the quiet. Some are meant to be pondered, lived with, and slowly integrated.
In a world filled with troublesome stories I find myself returning again and again to this “container”. Not to name the ache and understand, but to feel and find rest in it.
Peter
ParticipantHi Anita: Riffing on what you wrote.
Reading the post a line from the Heart Sutra arose: “Form is emptiness, emptiness is form”. I don’t know why, but these words leave me with a quiet ache, a loneliness I can’t name, but not disrepair.
Lately, I’ve been sitting with T.S. Eliot’s line: “Darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”
What if light and darkness aren’t opposites? What if light is darkness in motion, illumination as the unfolding of awareness, form as the dance of stillness?Last night I read a dialog from Assassin’s Song by M.G. Vassanji which I felt was connected to the ponderings – Looking up into the night sky Bapu-ji asked: “But what is nothing?” I gaped with my child’s eyes at the blackness above my head, imagined it as a dark blanket dotted with little stars, imagined with a shiver what might lie beyond if you suddenly flung this drapery aside. Loneliness, big and terrifying enough to make you want to weep alone in the dark.
“There is no nothing” Bapu-ji continued, as if to assuage my fears, his tremulous voice cutting like a saw the layers of darkness before us, – “when you realize that everything is in the One.”Before the first light moved, there was not nothing but stillness. A fullness so vast, it needed no form. A silence so deep, it echoed with potential. We call it darkness, but not to be feared, This is not the absence of light, but its womb. Light dances, born of stillness, the breath held before the song, motion held in arms unmoving… Do not fear the dark, it is not lonely, no need to rush to fill the silence, it is not the end of light; it is its beginning.
I wonder, the quiet ache remains unnamed, has it been felt.
The night sky whisperers as I drift to sleep; Fall, child. Fall into the blackness. It is not forgetting, it is remembering what you were before you were born.
Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
I wish there were words that would help reduce fear and anxiety. I know how quickly the work we have done to move past our hurts can be undone by outer events we have no control over, and we find ourselves in old familiar unwanted territory.
I can’t say I understand the world seeming constant need to hurt one another. (Perhaps a fear of ‘not enough-ness’ a topic for another day.) How this moment the happenings of the outer world triggers uncertainty, anxiety and fear. Then I hear your cry, “I think of letting go of any love for my mother.” the heart breaks, love so entangled with pain, obligation, betrayal and survival. (Is this the cry of current world affairs? Are we letting go of love…)
Over the last few months, I feel you standing at a threshold, not just of letting go of a relationship that has hurt you, but of something deeper: a way of seeing, feeling, and being. The words of the Heart Sutra come to mind – into the gone, into the gone, into the gone beyond, into the gone completely beyond, the other shore, awaken.
Today I started my day reading the meditation from Acton and Contemplation. It spoke of contemplation as “a long loving look at the real.” That line stayed with me. Because maybe what you’re doing now, facing the truth of your experience, your pain, your history… as a kind of contemplation. And maybe love, in this context, isn’t about closeness or forgiveness or even warmth. Maybe it’s about seeing clearly and choosing peace.
You said you might be letting go of love for your mother. I wonder if what you’re really letting go of is the version of love that hurt you, the one that demanded silence and the sacrifice of self as the price for survival. That’s not love you need to keep. Love can be fierce. Love can walk away. Love can protect.
“There’s a kind of joy that comes not from things going well, but from being real, from standing in truth, even when it hurts. And there’s a kind of sadness that’s not weakness, but wisdom. Both can live in you at once. That’s not contradiction, that’s depth.” after Richard Rohr
Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
Binary thinking existed long before personal computers
True, my point was that the digital “information” age re-enforces that tendency. Our reliance on our ‘smart phones’ to not only manage and record our memories but in ‘think’ for us… we need discernment sills more then ever.
Hi ALessa
Thanks for the vote of confidence.I’ve also pondered the notions of ‘Treating others as you want to be treated.’ -‘Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you’ similar but not the same thing. And then ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ – wondering – what if were not so great at loving ourselves? Then the suggestion to read that literally, that we are our neighbor. In the web of life everything is connected – what we do to the earth we do to ourselves…
“We swim in a river consciousness, experiencing just a molecule of the whole, mistaking it as separated from the whole the I calls I.
We do not “come into” this world; we come out of it, as leaves from a tree. As the ocean “waves,” the universe “peoples.” Every individual is an expression of the whole realm of nature, a unique action of the total universe.” – WattsPeter
ParticipantHi Anita
Sounds like you had a night 🙂“I used to think in black-and-white terms—all-or-nothing”
Sadly, the digital age, especially with algorithm-driven platforms reinforces and amplifies our tendency to either-or, all or nothing, binary thinking.
Regarding the second half of life transition, the digital culture does make it harder to slow down and listen inwardly. On the other hand, it can be a great resource to explore the wisdom traditions and such.
I wonder what role AI will play? Will we use it to amplify the noise and distraction and quick fix. Or could it become a companion for reflection, ask better questions, and access deeper knowledge. LOL – I implied a ‘either or’ when the its going to be both.
Skillful discernment something the we will all need to develop… I hope society will be up to the task.
I was recently asked what I thought was the best advice the bible had to offer and the first thought that came to mind – “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
In a culture of instant reactions the advice to step back to ponder, observe, absorb, and reflect. Her response to the miraculous a profound inward stillness, fully present to the moment. Such pondering isn’t passive; it’s thoughtful engagement. She’s not simply feeling her faith, she’s examining it, cherishing it, and contemplating its meaning, a invitation to blend heart and mind.
Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
To the topic of suppressing vs expressing emotions. I would agreeThe thought or image was as “partners in a quiet dance”, holding the tension of paradox as connection.
Expanding the metaphor, dancing with a partner requires tension as the means to create connection, to feel where the partner is. A connection we hope neither to light nor two heavy.
In dance, that subtle resistance isn’t conflict; it’s intimacy and communication. Feeling where the other is without overpowering or collapsing, just enough to know. Emotionally, that same kind of attuned tension allows us to meet our inner experience with respect. Not rushing to express nor forcing it down. But holding it, sensing it, moving with it.
Understanding, I trust, will arise but not as a driving force, not as the intention… the intention being to dance.
Like breath, we exhale and inhale. There are moments when a feeling held back is a kindness, to ourselves or others. And moments when releasing becomes a form of truth-telling, connection, and transformation. Neither is wrong. Neither is the whole. Together, they move us toward being.
A change in perspective where suppression vs expression becomes suppression and expression. Not poles in opposition but steps in rhythm. In that middle space, the breath between action and stillness, we cultivate a presence that doesn’t demand resolution, it listens, resonates. This was the experience of stillness while dancing.
In the second half of life, I wish to lean into that, a move from the head to the heart. A move from a seemingly insatiable need to understand and cry out why, to a quite yes.
Anyone following my posts might notice how difficult letting go of understanding has been, being a defining attribute of “my type”. The mind is so good at trying to protect us by explaining everything. But the heart of the fourth chakra isn’t to explain, it’s to witness and be open. Not the end of inquiry, but a softening.
Writing that I wonder if its not all wishful thinking, the ego disguising itself still wanting to understand… but maybe…
“Grant me the grace to hear the Voice beyond voices, the one that never shames or frightens, but invites, strengthens, and clarifies. Strip me gently of illusion and hostility until even my fear forgets its name.” – Anonymous
What would such a dance look like to you?
Peter
ParticipantHi Everyone
“thoughts on the later half of life:”
Jung once said it takes a healthy ego to let the ego go, a truth I’ve come to embrace. I see letting go as the work of life’s second half.
Like the Hindu notion of Vanaprastha, once a literal retreat into the forest—it now symbolizes a journey into the inner forest, a conscious turning inward that rest in the heart chakra. A time when one begins to relinquish control, status, and possessions, and instead seeks wisdom, contemplation, and spiritual depth.
On my path, I began noticing a tension between duality (the river) and non-duality (the ocean), and with it, the assumption that such an experience must be one or the other. Perhaps, in hindsight, this assumption revealing a desire to escape life (suffering).
It was through ballroom dancing that I encountered stillness within movement, a paradox that began to shift my perspective. Over time I suspected that duality and non-duality (subject, object, particle wave) aren’t opposites to choose between, but partners in a quiet dance. Not two sides of a coin, but the coin itself. A coin that no matter how you divide it, all are always present.
And so, as the second half of life dawns the realization: the paradox isn’t something to resolve, but something to hold. Paradox softening into integration. It’s here, in this stillness, that ego loosens its grip, not in rejection, but in reverence. The experiences of life, deeply felt and lived, resting quietly in the heart, no longer seeking to be understood, only held.
Peter
ParticipantNice 🙂
I like the line “ocean waits; the river moves” not as separated happenings but existing together in the same now.Peter
ParticipantHi Anita and Alessa
I has been a while, busy at work and I noticed I was repeating myself.
Feels like were saying the same thing – Life worth living is one were we breathe, and breathing don’t get wrapped up in our measures – constructs.
A thought occurred to me while addressing the topic. It struck me that most self-help and self-care practices are heavily centered on the first half of life: achievement and identity, on becoming more efficient, confident, and successful, managing and repairing the past. And that these self care notions don’t prepare us well for passing the baton to the second half. Failing to prepare us for the inward journey where the focus shifts from building the self to releasing it, from striving to surrendering, from doing to being.
The image that came to mind was of a river carving its way though rock and ambition meeting the estuary, the river meeting the tide of the sea where the waters churn and identities blur. The turbulence a sacred dance of transformation, river surrendering to the ocean, remembering it was always water.
Perhaps Anita you could turn the image into a poem.
Peter
ParticipantLife Worth Living – what is it like?
My spidy senses go off when I come across such topics. My history with such topic suggesting it will fall into the trap of measurement, labeling, comparison, if only’s, fears, discontentment – life a problem to be solved vice lived as it is.
Life being something my ego wants to fix. Anything but a seeing Life as it is and letting life be life. Which probably points to a answer.The wisdom traditions all point to the need to re-frame the topic.
– Can I look at life without the filter of what it should be?
– What does it mean to live with awareness?
– How can I be fully present in my life?
– What is arising in me when I feel my life lacks meaning?
– What does wholeness feel like, right now?All good questions but let’s be honest exhausting.
Then the ever helpful, unhelpful – A life worth living is one in which the individual becomes who they truly are – and who the heck is that.
Should the topic be addressed under the noble truths – life is suffering…We nod knowingly yes that is a truth… but we don’t like that, and not liking that a reason we suffer, a self creating loop of suffering…Even when we come to terms with such questions and advice, something happens and were right back to – is Life worth living or more honestly; I’m lonely and unhappy, and life should not be lonely, life should not hurt so much. Life should conform to my will…
Seems I landed were I started.
What would a life look like that was worth living?
One where it never occurred to me to ask such a question?What might happen when we stop trying to make life worth living, and simply let life live through us?
Or put in a way I’ve asked myself before: What if I lived what I say I believe and practicePeter
ParticipantHi Anita
Healing: the strange, quiet grief of leaving behind a painful but familiar identity, and the courage it takes to step into a new, uncertain, but healthier way of being.
“The bridge behind me, burned not in anger, but in grace…. There is no fairy tale here, no gleaming ever-after. Just this:
a quieter self, a steadier breath, a life that is new, not because it is perfect, but because it is mine.” – anonymousPeter
ParticipantThanks Anita
May 28, 2025 at 10:08 am in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446371Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
So, what is love? I like how you focus kindness, goodwill, and unconditional acceptance.
I would challenge love as a feeling or attitude. Emotions, feathers caught up in the wind, Feelings become a state of mind defined by thought and mind.Life hurts, Love doesn’t hurt? I used to wonder about this and today would argue that Life is Love. Life hurts when be measure “love” and entangle it with attachment, fear, and dependency. Perhaps a ‘cosmic’ view… I’ve argued before that I convinced myself that Love has no opposite. Its is, and we are that. A “cosmic” view I trust that isn’t disconnected from the personal, but its source?
“Where there is love, there is no pain, no conflict. Pain arises when love is entangled with the self.” – Krishnamurti
I don’t take that to mean we should avoid engaging the self in life, life is movement were the self plays a important role. But I do think life calls us to awaken to the reality that engaging the self opens the door to pain, and not a flaw. Pain not the failure of love, but rather an attribute of love and an open heart.As you have hinted its possible, if not likely, I hide behind behind the comic view to avoid pain of vulnerability… Yet since engaging with the question ‘What’s love got to do with it’ (referred to in other posts) I haven’t escape pain and in some ways feel it more deeply if… different.
Peter
ParticipantAs I noted before I been contemplating the Lords Prayer as a Centering practice
Our Father, who dwells in realms unseen,
Hallowed be Thy many Names,
In whispers of wind, in thunder’s call.
Reverently we hold allWith eyes that see and ears that hear,
Thy kingdom come, Thy will is done
On earth as in the stars above,
A mirror of Thy boundless love.As above, so below,
Smaller than small,
Dust in the breath of the celestial sphere,
Yet stewards of the All.Give us this day our daily bread,
Teaching our hearts to be content
To cherish what is freely given,
To Live with grace and not lament.Forgive us, as we too forgive,
For in mercy, we begin to live.
As below, so above,
Bigger than big
Co-creators through Love.Lead us not where shadows lie,
Where maps replace the living sky.
Deliver us from fear’s cruel hungry thread,
The root from which all evil’s bred.For Thine is the pattern, the pulse, the flame,
The silence, the song, the sacred Name.
Forever and ever, so may it be
In the heart of the One, eternally free.Peter
ParticipantHi Anita
How interesting, how you phrase it.. our parents templates for understanding the sacred, or templates for understanding the unholy?
Of course templates work both ways, thus the challenge. Relating to the Jungian path of integration of the mother and father complexes/archetypes where the to good mother dies to be replaced by the stepmother representing the shadow side of the mother archetype. The nurturing force turned cold, jealous, or punishing. How love can wound and protection become control…. The “evil stepmother” not just a villain but a symbol of the inner work required to reclaim nurturing on one’s own terms. To become one’s own mother, one’s own source of care and compassion.
As to the desire to hear my Voice… my first thought is that what I have been sharing on this site hasn’t come across as my voice. That may be… I might say posting on this site is a attempt to find my voice – to “discover” what I believe and live it.
Expressing ourselves is of course okay and right. I am sorry if I disappoint but feel strongly that in the forth quarter I am called to the “path of going into the woods”.
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