Yes, sure. Explain why you are sad and upset. We’ll get a bigger picture of your problem.

Dear EvFran;

So good to read from you again, it’s been a while! I am sorry though that people have let you down..

“just block them social media and disappear in silence or should I explain why I am so sad and upset?“-

– here’s my advice: respectfully, explain your feelings first, and then decide whether to maintain contact based on their response. If they’re receptive, respectful and willing to change what is needed to be changed on their part, it could lead to a positive outcome. If they are not receptive nor respectful, block them.

If interacting with some people is causing you significant distress, a break/ blocking them can give you the space you need to heal without the added stress of ongoing interactions.

On the other hand, if you think there’s a chance for constructive dialogue, explaining your feelings might provide closure and possibly improve the situation. It can be therapeutic to express what’s on your mind, and it might help others understand your perspective.

Personally, if I believe a person is not honest with me, is manipulative, etc., there is no point in explaining my feelings. No one is perfect, so I don’t expect.. honesty-perfection. Not even from myself. But I expect enough honesty and enough straightforwardness to make a logical/ sensible dialogue possible.

“Am I judgmental?“- it’s natural to have expectations in relationships, and when those aren’t met, it’s normal to feel upset. Being judgmental typically involves forming critical opinions without understanding the full context. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re more hurt than judgmental.

If you’d like to share examples or talk more about it, I’m here to listen and offer support.

anita

Dear EvFran:

I’m sorry to read about what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of heavy emotions and tough situations right now.

First, a summary of what you shared: you feel let down by several people and are unsure how to handle these feelings. The options are blocking on social media or confronting the individuals. These are long-standing relationships, which adds complexity to the decision of whether to address the issues or let go. You expressed exhaustion from having to explain and confront others about your feelings, and you anticipate being labeled as “over-sensitive”.

You experienced significant losses in the past three years, including your partner, mother, and close friends. Your uncle is terminally ill, adding to the ongoing stress. Your uncle’s denial of his illness makes the situation even more challenging for you, being on constant alert for emergencies.

You reconnected with an old classmate, which seemed positive initially but has led to confusion and doubt. The friend’s behavior (lateness and avoidance of eye contact) has caused you to question the sincerity of the friendship. The friend mentioned that the doorbell didn’t work despite the your repeated checks to ensure it was functioning. This discrepancy added to your confusion and feelings of unease. You supported this friend significantly during a difficult time, indicating a deep bond. The friend’s recent behavior contrasts sharply with this history, intensifying your disappointment.

You feel disappointed by many people in your life, and are questioning whether to confront these people, like your friend, or to distance yourself from him and everyone and start fresh.

* Second, my thoughts: your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Whether you decide to speak up or let go, what’s most important is finding a path that feels right for you and helps you heal.

If addressing these issues directly feels too exhausting right now, it is okay to take a step back and give yourself some space. On the other hand, if you feel that expressing your feelings would bring closure or relief, it might be worth finding a gentle, non-confrontational way to communicate your feelings to the people involved.

Regarding your friend: it is possible that there was a genuine issue with the doorbell that your friend experienced, even if it seemed to work fine when you checked it. Technical glitches can sometimes be intermittent.

He might have felt nervous or anxious about the meeting, which could explain the avoidance of eye contact. Social anxiety can make it difficult for people to maintain eye contact and engage fully in conversations. He might be dealing with current personal issues or stress that made it challenging for him to be fully present during your time together. Maybe he had distractions on his mind, affecting his ability to focus on making the visit happen properly.

Maybe he made assumptions about your availability and mood based on his past experiences, or past misunderstandings with you. This could explain (?) why he thought you were angry or not at home.

The dynamics of friendships can change over time, especially after long periods of separation. It’s possible that the connection you felt last year has shifted, and he’s adjusting to this change.

You offered as a possible reason for him avoiding eye contact with you the following: “maybe I am just ugly to look at“. Maybe he thought this about himself and was embarrassed, so he avoided looking into your eyes. He might be experiencing his own insecurities or doubts, which could manifest in behaviors like avoiding eye contact.

In conclusion, his recent behaviors might be more about issues in his persona life than about issues he has with you. It’s important to communicate openly and address the concerns you have with him. If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings and observations with him in a non-confrontational way. This can help clarify any misunderstandings and potentially strengthen your friendship.

If you’d like to share more examples or talk more about this example, please do.

anita